Does anyone have any advice on divorce...

No that's advice... I'll have to remember that.

 

Get lawyer, even if it is just the free meeting and you get his business card and leave it in a really obvious area in your house.

Don't post anything on any chat boards in regards to her

Close all joint credit cards (learned that one the hard way)

See if there is local family law assistance programs where you live. In Seattle we did have those and it saved a lot of money and time. Basically goes on a sliding scale for the cost based on your incomes and when/if everything can be settled regarding the child and such they file it and it becomes the law regarding your split, the child, and any/all child support. This avoids all the nasty bickering in court, massive lawyer bills, and the huge amounts of time wasted being in court/waiting to go to court/stress at your job.

If she is being honest about the keeping it civil then protect yourself and your child first with at least visiting a lawyer and finding out retainer fees. Next, see about family law places while she is still in a place where she doesn't want anything from you. If you can get things legal and filed then you can take a breath.

 

80 posts before this came up?

You're slacking.

 

He got the good advice, now it was time to make him laugh a bit.

 

SUBSCRIBED!

Srsly tho... I wish you the best, whatever that ends up being for you.

BTDT and it sucks/hurts.

 

Also... if you have anything worth keeping, go see every, I mean every good lawyer in your area so there will be a conflict for that Lawyer to represent her in this case.

 

lastly, only takes a few months of your life sucking ass if you get back on another horse soon...

 

Hey bro prepare for hell. I am sure you think you are there now, but as many have said the worst is yet to come. I hate for this to take your emotions any lower than they are but be prepared. I don't know you or her but it sure sounds like this has been in her mind for a while. That means she has planned all this out.(no matter how nice she seems or how much you don't want to face it) Get your daughter every chance you can and keep in mind that while picking her up for the afternoon or day will help you and your childs relationship,(most important) unless it is an overnight stay the judge will give you next to zero credit for it.(in MD anyway) Get a notebook and document everything, every conversation, all visitation, appointments and anything else you are involved in with the ex and child. No matter what is being said now this will end in court and as a man you are already behind in a custody case. Go in with requests for full custody and if you have done your homework you will come out with joint custody. I have two children (one daughter from my previous marriage) and if I could only be a father to my daughter on the two weekends a month the judge wanted me to...it would have hurt far more than all the money and property that I lost. I have more advice on this topic than I have old burnt up rear tires layn around. I don't want to go to far as I know how bad this sucks for you right now and as helpful as any advice may be, I know what it does to your gut and I am sure it is bad enough already. So at least consult with an attorney (one that will not mind digging waaaay deep to display any dirt she might be/been involved in....hopefully it will not get that bad, but it is no good to have 5-10k wrapped up in a lawyer who decides late in the case that he cant do "that" because "it is not nice") and get a notebook.
I have been drug through all of this and it was hell, the only thing that I can pull good out of it (6yrs later) is to help people in the same situation, so please put me in your friends list and PM me anytime you would like. As I said earlier I could go on for hours, days but you don't want to read anymore of this than you need to right now. Keep your chin up and remember things will be good again. Keep in touch
Joe

 

And sooner or later there will be other parties involved, on both sides of the fence.

 

"fact: colombia is the world leader in breast enhancement technology and plastic surgery."

I'm pretty sure it's Brazil. Higher standard of living and stronger economy on top of high vanity levels make it a thriving industry there. You learn alot watching 60 minutes

Although Columbia might be a higher boob-job per-capital than Brazil.

Either way, you gave him some good advice there :up:

 

Don't do this.

 

spot on -

sorry to hear about this, and yes, the next year is going to absolutely suck like nothing else. But, get through it and you'll be a better man for it. hang in there and absolutely see an attorney. any good attorney will give you a free consult.

 

I should forward you the back and forth e-mails. You'd get a laugh or two.

 

I hope and pray that things work out for the best between you and your wife, and that things can get patched up...and stay that way. However, if that doesn't happen...

I have done the big D x3, so here is my 2 cents worth without trying to repeat what has already been said about attorneys and documentation:

1. As with most things, research attorneys. Most times, if you do thorough research, you get what you pay for. Don't go cheap, you are dealing with something that will affect you and your family for the rest of your life, regardless of outcome.

2. Cover your bases, and try to remain civil. The less civil things get, the more $$$ both attorneys get...and the less you and your wife get to keep. Try to think logically (as an attorney and judge will), not emotionally as you might want to do, based upon past memories, "hope", and lingering "love".

3. The "truth" has no place in a court of law. My experience has been that divorce court judges usually have seen 1000+ "he said/she said" cases, and spending an inordinate amount of time trying to sort out who is telling the "truth" is counter productive...for the judge, and the court. They just don't have the time, and they are trying to clear their docket.

4. The judge's decision usually doesn't satisfy either party.

5. The children, unfortunately, will be the biggest losers. Try not to lose sight of that, regardless of emotional turmoil, pain, etc. What is going on is between you and your wife. Don't let (or allow) the children to get dragged into this. And make sure you let them know that it was not their fault. They will be dealing with guilt regardless...trust me.

6. Find a very trusted friend, and share with that person. It helps.

 

As much as everyone enjoys it, your avatar is says alot in this situation.

Like most have said, get a lawyer.

 

Eventually you will find out that one or both of these assumptions are incorrect.

 

Sorry to hear this Doug, especially so soon after your kid was born. I don't have any new advice, but I too have to add to the list of people saying GET A LAWYER. I mean this in the nicest possible way - you, and your relationship, is not special or different from everyone elses. While it may not get really mega ugly during the proceedings, it can 10 years later. Protect yourself. A decade form now this will seem like a distant memory, but you may still be paying the cost for not ponying up the cheddar for a decent atty NOW.

I have 2 specific examples - my own, which does not include divorce, but does include a child. We did not involve lawyers because there was very little to contest, (17% is 17% - no gettin around it) but I certainly did talk to one and I have periodically about every 2-3 years since the split (12 years ago). I look at it as cheap insurance. We get along pretty well for the most part, but every once in a while she comes asking for something outside of what is legally hers.... or the time she told - not asked me - that she was moving our daughter out of state for 2 years.

The other is a friend of mine's - they decided that they could work it between themselves, and she agreed. When he showed up for court, she had councel and he didn't. :wow: The real kick in the nads was when the judge lectured him about how he was arrogant for thinking he could do an attorney's job and how irresponsible he was for not showing up with representation. The money he spent to offset the initial order that resulted from that meeting far outweighed what he would have spent had he got a lawyer in the first place.

Seriously man, I hate to say this because I don't want to offend you - if you didn't see this coming, there is likely much more that you're not aware of. Guard your speech, watch your behavior, and for the love of jeff get rid of that f*cking avatar pic and anything like it anywhere else on the web. Avoid facetube and all that other stupid shit. NEVER lose your temper. It will only hurt you, it never helps.

I wish men and women got along better, I really do. The fact is, you're now at war for your livelyhood, and the amount of contact and positive influence you may be able to impart to your child. Fight like hell to protect it, but play your cards close to the vest. No need to go ICBM when a simple well placed strike team will do. Try not to blow things out of proportion.... let it roll off your back. Easier said then done, I know, but trust me - you'll be a better man for it, and your child will come to respect you for it when she is old enough to understand the dynamics of the situation. Look at this as a blessing - you got out early.

Best of luck. You're in for some potentially difficult times.

If you feel like coming up to Wisco to watch some racing or just go for a road cruise, PM me.

 

Sorry to hear, Best of luck to you. Hang in there and do what you have to do.

 

Sorry to hear this. Just keep your daughter in mind, you sound like you're a good Dad. If you need to get away for a day and go on a bike ride, let me know. Good luck. :up:

 

Sure I'm out of my element

having never been married, but I have more than a few friends that were and are no longer!

I'm surprised no one has mentioned the "A" word - abandonement.
I had a girlfriend years ago that had this come up at the "D" proceedings; it seems she packed up and left the "family domicile" when she found out about his extramarital boning.

This was used against her later, so the fact that wifey left your nest to go back to her parents may just have some impact on her.

Oh yeah, sorry for your grief, good luck.