Does anyone have any advice on divorce...

Even if you do not retain a lawyer to handle it for you, go talk to one (or two/three) for an hour or two. Might cost you a few hundred for a consult, but they can help you chart your course and create a plan of action. You might discover something that you didn't think or know about. You need a pocket of bullets, you might not need them, but it is better to be armed then to go in without any.

Oh, and be very careful with advice from people outside of your state. Divorce laws vary GREATLY between states. What is on one state might not work in others.

And is she not wanting anything cause she hopes you will take that, when she 'knows' that if lawyers got involved she would 'loose' more than just taking nothing?

 

Please for the love of god see an att. I didn't and I lost EVERYTHING!!! It started out civil between us, but I was in another country working. By the time I got back to Canada I didn't have a house or the equity, all my furnature was hers, and I had to start completly over. Don't go through that, it sucks badly. I am still rebuilding 5 years later. See a lawyer and cover your ass.

 

Anyone else see a trend developing here?

Here's another thing to think about, check your facebook and twitter accounts, if you have them, for anything you may have said that could be misconstrued or down right damning. Lawyers are using these tools against people who think the stuff they post is private. Believe me, it's not.

Oh yeah, get a lawyer.

 

This is funny...only because i know the parties involved

 

my buddy split from his ball and chain 10 yrs ago, they agreed to basic shit. He takes the kids on the weekend and she has them during the week. They both got remarried couple years later and everything is cool. Then he gets contacted from the courts for child support from the past 10 yrs. Bitch lost her job and current husband was getting the boot so she went after the loot. He has to pay 10 yrs back support cause he has nothing to prove he did anything those years, he always gave her a liittle cash when he had it. Bitches are sneaky with this shit, they know the game and play it well.

 

I have very little to add, except I'm sorry to hear of your situation and take heed of the item bolded above. A co-worker got divorced and though they both went one attorney, the attorney represented the wife because she made the appointment. Seems like a shitty technicality, but their lawyers, what do you expect

 

Yes, women are evil.

 

Lawyer.

and DO NOT post details, rants or anything on the WERA BBS, Facetubes, Myspace or write it on a piece of paper and put it in a bottle.

Oh yeah, lawyer.

 

Name
Location
Deposit
Balance

Have a nice day!

 

Only some of us...

 

And one more thing...

Even though she stated she wasn't gonna consult an attorney, you can bet your ass she's lying and already has - could even be something as simple as informal discussions with a lawyer friend of a friend, for instance.

But women, especially with small kids, usually don't do things like this without planning well ahead.

 

Nothing personal but, at this point you're an idiot (I mean that in the nicest way) if you don't take at least some of the advice here. Don't kid yourself either by thinking she's completely on the up and up with you. Just sayin'

Again, good luck to you man!

 

Very true. Facebook etc has changed the way business gets done.

 

Even if you get an agreement in writing, she can come back later and have it overturned. She may be nice now, but when her girlfriends start whispering in her ear next month or next year about how much money she can get from you, she will be made to feel like a fool for not sticking it to you.

Do try to stay on friendly terms for the long run, so that you both can enjoy parenting your child. But know that she can always have the financial situation and any agreement revised, even 10 years or more down the road. If you state grants her rights, she can not generally sign them away. Even if you get it in writing, you are not necessarily safe from further legal actions.

What is most likely to happen in the end, my guess, is that what you will have to pay is determined by the laws of your state. Even if she does not want to take advantage it at the moment, she, or the judge, will make usually make sure that the formula for sharing income is followed.

The best thing would be if she is a motivated, industrious person who will be making good money of her own. The more she makes, the less you pay.

Talking to attorneys who specialize in divorce in your state will be able to tell you how things usually go. Of course, they will also want to go into full combat mode, as that is where they make the most money. Do some research on what your attorney says, and double check what any options are. Your attorney has a very strong self interest that may prevent him/her from being entirely frank with you.

 

What you do is make sure your seen going to the Casino alot, tip the waitresses really good and so forth, and everytime you go you take a whack of cash out from your bank account and stash it until its all out. Then when the lawyers say what did you do with all the money you can say you lost it at the casino and that you can prove it because you have witnesses.

 

It depends on how much money we are talking about...... you guys have lots of stuff? 2 houses, lots of cars and bikes, lots of money, a business?

I got divorced and we were civil about it. And I had ALL of the above. I drew up papers after talking it over with her for a month on to what we agreed too. I gave enough to be fair and she agreed. ALL the terms were spelled out in our agreement. It was 30 pages long. I had a lawyer look over it after. The wording has to be very correct. For a small fee he had his secretary edit my papers anddrew up a new copy (not changing the terms but getting the wording right). We both signed and notarized three copies.

Filed it with the county clerk. Got a court date - went in front of the judge. He reviewed it and made everything official. From start to finish was 6 months (some type of minimum wait period in my state).

If you can avoid it - don't be giving money to lawyers (blood suckers!!). If she gets a lawyer then you have to. If she doesn't get a lawyer then sit down and work out whats what. GET it all written out - don't MISS anything. Get a lawyer to make the papers right. Both sign and notarize and get it to the courts.

If you are good with the papers then there will be no problems later on down the road.

 

oh and btw ... it may suck now but just take a trip to south america after all the bs is done and believe me there are so many hot women down there you wont want to come back... and im not talking gold diggers im talking really nice, honest, super hot women that would love a good guy.

fact: colombia is the world leader in breast enhancement technology and plastic surgery.

 

Like others, I have been through this...

It may be amicable now, but that wont last. Things will go thermonuclear when she sees she won't get things entirely her way. Your lawyer will be the first step.

Money and material are important, but the only thing that will matter when things heat up will be your relationship with your child; protect that at all costs. Formally secure and schedule as much time with her up front with the courts. Understand that she will use your daughter against you and seek to limit your time and influence.

Give your ex nothing emotionally; when things go bad (and they will), she will call/scream/accuse/blame etc., your best path is to go full robot. Calm, measured responses from this point forward is your best route. She will want to engage you emotionally and you will drive her crazy by giving her nothing. My point is keep your pain, anger and struggle away from her; this is psychological warfare now, play to win.

Last thought (and its a harsh one), no new Mom looks to leave a non abusive relationship after a newborn. There is someone else lurking. Spend $100 and put Magnum PI on the job for a few days and you will see. That will also be a strong lever when negotiating for you as well.

Sorry dude, you will be happy again, but this next year is going to suck. You don't know me from Adam, but shoot me a PM anytime for help.

Kevin

 

Oh, make sure the lawyer you hire drives a Yellow Ferrari. Any lawyer who is active and doesn't drive a yellow Ferrari most likely sucks the high hard one.