Okay time to liven things up a bit with some jokes!

I won't back down. -- Tom Petty

I may re-evaluate my stance if you present a convincing argument. -- Tom Reasonable

 

For Dern...


One winter, the Vikings decided it was too cold in Norway, so they would spend the season in Ireland, where it was warmer. Soon, the Vikings were eating up most of the Irishmen's food, so the Irish plotted to get rid of the Norwegians. First, they pounded all of their potatoes flat, but the Norwegians just called that lefse and thought it was great. Then, the Irish thought, "Let's poison the Norwegians." So, they poured lye all over the codfish, and the Norwegians washed the lye out and called it lutefisk, and liked it. Then, the Irish got really angry, and said, "Why don't all of you Norwegians just go to Hell!" ..........................So they all moved to Minnesota

 

As a member of the tribe, I can wholeheartedly appreciate this…

And then wonder what the fuck is wrong with me that I followed them here?

 

We don't have that kinda time...

 

How long does it take to type “everything”?

 

Ahem .... Toe-Knee!

 

I don't get it....

 

They used to be called "jumpolenes" until yo mama bounced on one.

 

You can satisfy any woman with three and a half inches.

























It doesn't matter if it's Visa or Master Card.

 

Incredibly this joke doesn't seem to have been posted in this thread. I did a search.

What does a fat girl and a moped have in common?

They're both fun to ride but you don't want your buddies to find out.

 

I was air drumming to Rush this morning at a stoplight, but I lost a stick out of the window.

Had to switch my CD player to Def Leppard.

 

Been working on a joke of my own creation….it starts:

Bob Kraft, Ben Roethlisberger, DeShawn Watson and Justin Tucker walk into a massage parlor

But that’s as far as I get….I may have to see if I can reach out to Ray Rice to knock the rest of it out and get to the punchline.

 

Do you know what the Superbowl halftime show has in common with a Snickers candy bar?










Both are better without he rapper

 

How is Disney like Viagra?






You have to wait an hour for a 2min ride.

 

Did you hear about the Olympic athlete who adopted three children?

Hey named the oldest one Mark, the second oldest Onya, and the youngest he named Seth.

One day, the house caught on fire.

He screamed, "ONYA!!! MARK!!! GET SETH AND GO!!!












I think that he planned this...

 

My friend quit his job at BMW. Of course, he gave no indication that he was leaving.

 

A man says to his wife..."The Olympic colors condoms I ordered showed up in the mail. I'm going to be wearing gold tonight."
The wife says..."Why don't you wear the silver and come second for a change?"

 

I have an ex who's cross-eyed.
We could never see eye to eye.
I think she was seeing someone on the side.

 

In space, reverse cowgirl and doggystyle are the same thing!

 

I asked the librarian if she had the book about Pavlov's dog and Schroedinger's cat.

She said that it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.