Marriage question

I can definitely say that it would be beneficial for you as well as your step-son to maintain contact with one another.

That means until he's old enough to express his wishes, you'll need to take a pro-active approach to preserve what you two have built!

What also helped me was the CD by Marvin Gay, Here my Dear .

"Time will heal all wounds".

It showed me that I was not the only individual in the world to go through an emotional break-up.

It was definitely a lonely feeling.

Hang in there! Things get better

 

When in love you are a bit blind and believe what you want to believe and hear what you want to hear. Especially when ur thinking everything is fine and all of a sudden WHAM!!!

 

The more stories I see, and the several people I have seen go through this... All I can say is that if my wife ever says she needs to move out for some "space" or time to think, then I will have to giver her all the space and time she wants. If we get to that point, it sounds like you are pretty much already on the precipice and the chances for recovery are way under 50%...like maybe 10% or less.

 

Totally agree with this. I just read through this whole thing, and it rips my heart out for you, Glenn. I can't imagine what I would do if this happened to me. But it sounds like you figured out some things about yourself that you wanted to change for the better in counseling...keep those things in mind and build on them. Make this experience make you stronger and a better person. Some people find solitude depressing but, especially out in nature, it can be a beautiful thing. Try to find that and enjoy the simple things, running around with other girls can wait.

Best of luck, man.

 

She will always deny it either because she doesn't like confrontations, feels guilty or simply doesnt want to hurt you. Details suck, dont look for them

 

I'd be a little careful with the kid thing. You're likely to end up having to give her a shitload of money every month, which she will promptly spend on evrything but the kid. You'll also be the go-to babysitter when she wants to fuck some other guy. She will also use the kid a a pawn to torture you. It will also cause you nearly-endless frustration, aggravation, and heartbreak over the course of your life. It happens a lot, and it ain't pretty. Sometimes it's better to let go. Good luck with everything, whatever you decide.

 

I've seen this happen too many times. It may not seem like it now because you love the child, but it's a blessing in disguise that you're not the biological father. At least you can walk away if she decides to use the child as an emotional weapon against you.

 

I have to agree with this. Don't dig. Other than information you can have a private investigator find to help when you get divorced. Nothing else is going to magically make you feel better. Only time and moving on to do things you enjoy will do that.

Please say hat you have a lawyer, have done the PI thing in case you need it, have changed bank accounts, removed her name from any credit accounts you have, closed any joint bank and credit accounts, etc.

Just trying to re-iterate the advice given previously on the thread. You now know you are headed for divorce. So it's time to seriously buckle down and protect yourself, you finances, and your possessions. Like somebody said, she's far more likely to convince herself that you "owe" her money for some perceived slight given her total mental withdrawal from the relationship. Cover your ass. Get the lawyer, get the PI. You don't have to make it an ugly process. But if she starts trying to step over that 50/50 split and take money out of your pocket by force, then you should really be ready to fight. (You can always give something voluntarily later on. Once the court has mandated it....you are totally screwed)

And as many guys on here can attest, in a divorce court you are always at a disadvantage as a guy. This means without preparation and evidence, you will lose badly.

 

I really wish you guys could've worked it out but just remember that time heals all wounds. Best wishes, man.

 

Damn Glenn...sorry to hear..truly sorry...thankfully there are many other reasons to be happy out there and let happiness fill your life instead of the pain.

 

That's not called giving it a 100% and yes you are done...but you are done not because of her but because of you.

 

Glenn, I'm sorry to hear about the situation. I was in the near exact situation and after everything was said and done, I'm glad it happened. I changed somethings about myself, learned a lot about communication and figured out I really don't have to take anyone else's shit.

It does get easier and like everyone else has said, don't sit idle. Stay busy and active that will help keep your mind off of the bad things going on and should speed up the healing process.

 

I have proof, I have already protected myself and my finances, and I am getting stronger every day. I don't wish this upon my worst enemies. This is the ultimate betrayal and it makes me feel like a piece of shit. Mornings and nights are the hardest. I cry when I wake up and cry before I go to bed. The daytime is just numb for me. I just think about what I could say to her to change this whole damn thing, but I know inside of me that there is nothing I can do, which is the hardest part. I'm powerless, helpless, and heartbroken. As fun as banging a bunch of chicks might be, I'm not that kind of guy, never have been. Not interested. I just wanted to love and be loved. Is that too much to ask for?

 

Glenn,

Nothing cures a broken heart like mounting new pussy.

Move on, you will be happy you did.

Keep your head up, I been there too.

 

For what it's worth Glenn, and mind you, this is only from my own personal experience based on a past relationship that had gone awry and what I learned in the process via some professional help and guidance....
1. When a person begins to act in a manner which can be interpreted as mean, accusing, berating, cold, distant, etc., and, which appears to be a 180 degree turn from prior behaviors, it is usually an indication that they have done something that they themselves would not want to have done to them and thus create a scenario where they can distance themselves from the person they have harmed. It is entirely illogical but they do this only because on some level they know their actions are harmful and so they create a situation where they no longer have to harm that person. The behavior can take many forms, some of her behaviors you described certainly fall into that category. In my situation, she accused me of being jealous among other things and it was really confusing to me since I am far from being a jealous man...
2. Understand, it is not anything you have done which makes her act in such a manner. Essentially her behavior, as you have described, indicates covert activity on her part. On some weird level, she feels she must create the distance so she can no longer harm you emotionally.
3. I had a relationship with her son as well. We had been together for almost 5 years when this all went down and I had been a part of his life from the age of 9-13 which are formative years for a boy. We had spent a lot of time together and had grown close. I introduced him to surfing and taught him how to ride a motorcycle. When the time came for me to leave, I sat down with him and told him how important he was to me, that I loved him dearly and if he ever needed to talk with me I would be available. To this day, we stay in contact sporadically. He is now 20 years old and is a fine young man.
4. About a year later, she came back to me and wanted to get back together. During the course of that year of separation, I sought professional help as it was not something I wanted to repeat. I learned so much from my therapist. She showed me my strengths along with my weaknesses and led me along a path of self discovery gently prodding and pushing me as we went along.
When the woman I had been involved with showed up again after the year of separation, I realized during the course of our conversations together that I had grown so much as an individual and that she had not put the same amount of effort into her personal life. It was at that moment I realized that it would not work. No malice, anger, or anything along those lines on my part. Just clarity. I wished her well and went on with my life.

Each situation is different. You only need read the various responses from those on this board who have contributed your initial post....

Someone suggested taking a walk outside and look at that which surrounds you...this is an incredible exercise as it creates a way for you to be in present
time...look, really look at everything around you, gather as much detail as you can while looking at say, a tree. The leaves, the bark, the shape and tone of the colors, etc. To this day, when I have a shitty day, I will take a walk and look at that which surrounds me and find some beauty somewhere.....

I wish you the best :up:

 

Are you still around her? If so, get away if you can (but talk to your lawyer first and make sure you're safe in doing so). You don't have to go banging a bunch of chicks but at the same time, don't fall madly in love with the first girl that smiles at you. And don't try to find somebody that's exactly the opposite of the ex in every way. Nothing gets you over a breakup like new ass though

We're all aware of the stages/cycle of grief but the sooner you can get to the "I'm better off and she doesn't deserve me" stage the better. No regrets man, you need to know that you did the best you could and she fucked up, then write her off and be better because of it.

 

Unlike others that say just go look for another piece of a$$ I don't agree. It may feel good at the time but it doesn't help a person emotionally. (Then again as a woman I may have a different outlook.)

BTW, the guys that say treat your women like shit and they will do anything for you... You're an idiot in my opinion. Do you really want someone with that low of self esteem to share your life or raise your kids? No, I didn't think so.

Dawn

 

Bitches..........

 

Well, that was very poor timing. Way to go, Dawn!

 

It's not so much "treat your women like shit" as it is "don't be a doormat". I've never met a woman that didn't prefer a strong, assertive man over a pussy yes-man.