Marriage question

Been married four years. Four great years and we have a fantastic marriage by all accounts.

Wife came home last night and said she thinks she may not be in love with me anymore. My heart is broken. She is asking for space and time to think, but it's very hard to accommodate that request. Shouldn't she want to come home and work on this? Has anyone ever had this happen to them? How do you fall out of love with someone?

Before anyone chimes in saying there should have been warning signs, this was completely blindsided and she even admitted that it's not anything specific that I have done.

 

Man, I feel for ya there.....

My situation started the same, she needed space, I gave her some space....
She moved into her Mom's spare house. All is ok and I thought it was going ok then I come over one morning and find ole dude shacked up with her.

I go to jail for making him lose mass amounts of blood and think about it for a while now were divorced, and I am happy as shit that I got away from her.

I thought I loved her more than anything in the world, but there are always better ones out there...

In my opinion, the "need space" argument is BULLSHIT. It means she wants to do other shit with you not there May be harmless fun with the girlfriends, but it may be more.

Either way, you are MARRIED. Either you work it out, or you dont.....

Space isnt gonna solve anything. At least in my experience.

 

My best friend was with his wife for 14 years. April a year ago, he comes home from work and she is sitting in her car. He walks up to the window to ask her where she is going and she says, "I'm divorcing you, the cops are on there way in case you try to do anything".


Completely unexpected, he was never physical with her in any way and he had zero clues that there was any problem with their relationship. Really messed him up for months.

He has since found out that she planned this for months before and had someone on the side but there were no outward clues when they were together that anything was going on.

 

That sucks, really sorry to hear.

I don't know jack about this kind of stuff (only been married a year), and I really hope to never have to deal with it.

I will say that my wife and I are very different when it comes to arguments and what not. I want to hash it out and resolve whatever the issue is, she wants to drop it most times. All I really know is that people deal with things differently, and sometimes forcing my wife to talk to me about something doesn't work well.

I would advise you to push hard enough to let her know that you want this to work, but not so hard as to make her angry. I don't have any good advice as to how to know where that line is, but she needs to know how you feel, without feeling forced to figure it out right now.

Also... I really hate to even imply this, I apologize for this, but is it possible she is seeing someone else? Again, I feel like a douche even mentioning it, but I think it's something you have to honestly ask yourself.

Good luck man, truly.

 

My wife is a marriage and family therapist.....she would suggest to both of you to seek counseling ASAP.














I say HOOKERS AND BLOW!!

 

my buddy (who I was best man in his wedding" had something similar happen literally the other day. To me that says "I found someone else". Otherwise I think she would want to go to a counselor and work on it. I know I would hope my wife would want to work on it rather than say "she needs space". Cuz I know what my first words would be....."get out then". Hope it works out man

 

Wow, sorry to read this, Glenn. I got nothing to add except to tell you to keep your chin up.

 

I feel for you. I was there myself in '85. If she is telling you now, she has been thinking about it for a long while. Give her some time and ask if she is willing to consider counselling. Even if she is, you need to be prepared to consider the distinct possibility that she is done. Let he know you love her, but if you try to hold on tight, you will not do yourself any favors.

Also, now is not the best time to drink heavily. Don't ask how I know.

 

On one hand it is hard to believe that there were zero warnings signs. But on the other hand, women are emotionally capable of justifying things to themselves that men cant. I have only been married for 2 years, but if my wife asked for space instead of working on it together, I would probably sign divorce papers.
I hope it works out for the best. Hopefully she will choose to work on it.

 

Fuck Dude!

I know your heart is breaking, but take a deep breath and whatever you do - DO NOT MOVE OUT OF YOUR HOUSE to "give her space" or whatever.
This happened to a friend of mine and SHE was then charged or whatever with "abandonement".

Folks do shit like this often enough that while not exactly unheard of, is rare enough. Google some key words and do some reading.

Hate it for you, as next to multiple compound fractures, NOTHING hurts more than this.

Look into some counseling if for no other reason will help you with your mental health...

 

That's what just happened to my buddy. After she dropped the bomb the other day about wanting a big D word he realized there were signs. Still sucks all the way around

 

If I were in the same situation I would try to get the both of us to counseling. If she doesn't take you up on that and just wants space I would consider it over. She either wants to work on the relationship or not. There really isn't a halfway point.

 

Man speaks the truth. Woman dont want space they want to get away. Next shes going to tell you that its not you its her. She doesnt know whats going on with her.

I wasnt married but had a 4 yr relationship with a chick. One day she decided she wasnt feeling it anymore. I said fine screw u. A week later I told her I missed her and wanted to work it out. Gave me the bs about it being her and needing space. Yep u guessed it....two weeks later she was with some other guy.

My opinion.....Talk to her and see if you can talk out whats going on or suggest a counselor if it will make her more comfortable.....If she denies that go ahead and give her some space and get a divorce. No need to prolong the inevitable.

 

Two things that have also been hinted on and I believe are true. If she said it now, she has been thinking about it for a long time. Also, women are monkey branchers so keep that in mind while moving forward.

 

+1 on this.
When you are as confused by a situation as this you need to talk to someone professional IMO.
Hope things work out.

Ride safe,
AAron

 

Some words, once spoken, can never be taken back or forgotten.

 

What in the world does that mean?

 

All sorts of things run through your head when this stuff happens. I have wondered and questioner her on some things I have noticed as well. About over the past month, she stopped being intimate, has spent a lot of time out with friends, put a password on her cell phone, and works out a lot all of a sudden. There is one guy I have noticed and told her I was uncomfortable with it. I just don't know. She says no way, not a chance, but like I said, my mind is racing.

 

those are all HUGE signs. don't know what.... but something isn't right.

 

My observations over many years tell me that 90% of the time, "I need space" means that there is someone else in the picture, either as an interest or already involved.

If this is the case, both of you will have to confront the issue in order to resolve it.