Divorce help - God Damn Epidemic

But worth it, correct?

 

Aren't we your family? What a weird friggin family you have....

I think most of us who've gone through this could write a book. Problem is, every married guy would read it and not follow any of the good advice that might come from it. For people who function primarily with logic, relationships are going to be a tough go, as we're constantly providing solutions devoid of emotion. That doesn't fly with most people, and the greater majority of women for sure. Not saying I'm always logical, as it wasn't exactly logical to buy another bike recently. But generally, I look at every problem as a solvable challenge, if you apply the right logic. It's probably accurate when it comes to things, but definitely not when it comes to people. If your partner has a voice in their head (there goes those voices again) that says "you're ugly", no amount of praise and affection from you will override that feeling. Our logical brain says, "but I tell you you're beautiful, intelligent, sexy, etc. all the time, so how could you not feel valued?". Cuz the voice in their heads is louder than yours. I think a large portion of the divorces I've seen in this thread, stem from that. Doesn't matter how well you treat her, it doesn't register, and they start looking to outside sources for positive reinforcement....until they realize those aren't enough either.

 

Probably some of the best observations in this thread.

 

Men are wired so differently than women, I am amazed that anyone can keep it together. Its almost like we weren't meant to cohabitate.

 

Which is why I might ride it out to the end by myself. I wonder if the whole concept would be more successful if we each had our own bedroom, and you didn't have to introduce all of the challenges of trying to sleep with another person with a different thermostat/sleep pattern/snoring frequency.

 

Now THAT is the best observation of this thread. All these things are instinctive and have their roots in survival. Weren't meant to cohabitate? Maybe it's that we weren't meant to cohabitate for a long period because men are disposable. See War Bride.

 

Just had our 35th anniv. last week. Probably 4 years ago we started sleeping in separate beds after I realized I slept better when she was gone. No more sleeping next to a furnace. Kids were gone so we moved into their rooms downstairs, close off the upstairs during the winter, save some $.
I go into her room for conjugal visits and make the mess in her bed. Win/win.

 

Kids, that kind of romance is how you make it 35 years.

 

Honestly, I have friends that have separate bedrooms for this exact reason and it suits them perfectly. Honestly, My ex wife and I were polar opposites when it came to sleeping. Other than liking it cold, we couldn't have been farther apart.

 

That's the power move right there....wet spot? What wet spot?

 

I'm another one that quit sleeping in the same bed 4 years ago. It's amazing, like I'm a teenager again. Watch whatever I want, go to sleep whenever I want, don't have someone next to me tossing around...perfect. Sleeping in the same bed didn't become a trend until the 60's, before then it was quite common to at least be in a seperate bed. Having a seperate bedroom has just taken it to the next level.

 

geezus man… didn’t Grattan nights at the Lazy T teach you anything? Always get the two twin bed rooms… wet bed/dry bed… and don’t marry those skanks

The Lazy T was right out of the 70s complete with period correct bedspreads with the quarter vibration boxes… rotary phones to match the sinks/toilets..:sure there were decent hotels but not for $25 in the 90/00s

 

Nah man, we used to go to those hot-tubs that were right as you got into the north part of Grand Rapids. Can't remember the name of them, but they aren't there anymore. I guarantee those girls got UTI's from that water

 

Yep, just like Rob and Laura on Dick Van Dyke.

 

you guys are hardcore man! We never braved those cesspools… I know where you mean though…

 

We alternate between sleeping together and separate rooms. We both feel its healthy to have away time, and its not unusual for us to book 2 rooms in a hotel when we're traveling in Asia. Too expensive to do that in Europe. She wants a Euro style bed in the master bedroom at home... 2 twins pushed together with 2 sets of bedding/comforter. I'm in complete agreement. That little crack going down the length of the bed keeps things separate when needed, and provides no barrier when not needed

 

You really are a glutton for punishment. And I mean here. Out there goes without saying.

 

Looking at DIY divorce packets for VA. I’m just done. Let my youngest know 2 weeks ago that I’m heading that direction. I know there’s supposedly light at the end of the tunnel, but sure doesn’t feel like it

 

Sorry man.




And: separate beds / rooms FTW

 

sorry brother… good luck man… and pm or open here lots of us to listen…