This is why Internet dating sucks

You should know this better than anyone Metalhead. Seems every time you try to get lucky with Shaneekwa, she stabs you with a fork. Only problem with my logic is that means she thinks you have something else to offer and that clearly cannot be the case.

 

Nice, Rick

 

Plenty of Fish .com

 

is the "People of Walmart" of dating sites.

 

Pretty sure that was MadTV, not those East Coast pretenders.

 

Never heard of this (probably because I'm old). Looked interesting until I read "TINDER REQUIRES FACEBOOK TO LOGIN"...gotta pass.

 

Bingo

 

I thought you were older!

 

Older than what?

My birth certificate says I'm in my 30s, but I look like I'm in my 20s, and I act like I'm 12.

 

It uses Facebook initially to log in, but then it switches over to a "Tinder only" profile that you can edit.

It works basically like "Hot or Not" - left swipe if she's greasy, right swipe if she's cute. When you get a match, you can text back and forth without giving out phone numbers. In a larger city, its good. In a small town, I could see it being useless. It is fantastic for traveling. It does everything based off your location. So, it'll show you every single girl (or guy, if that's your preference) within a certain radius. Random hookups abound.

 

So who is in that Facebook picture that came with your request?

 

I grew facial hair to look older at work. If I shave it, I legitimately pass for being in my 20s.

My beard is strong right now.

Wait - you still have it? Approve that sh@t! I must show you pictures of my food!!!

 

How do you think I prevent getting additional ones? When I speak of "the line," I'm not kidding. There is a line. It's only missing a fat guy and a velvet rope.

 

Don't you want to see my food?

 

I get enough food from those who made it in before The Great Menopause of 2009. Can you offer naked chicks?

 

Maybe naked chicks with food, but you said you get enough of that.

 

Keeps you young.
About 5-6 years ago I did rather well with my Match profile. I've seen about a dozen of those "Live, Laugh, Love" signs hanging on the walls of women in their late 30s, early 40s. And every one thought they were the only one with that sign. Pretty funny actually.

 

I'm all stocked up on suppliers for food, flowers, beaches, children and horses.
Applications for other positions may be evaluated and moved to the front of the line.

 

And you have Doyle for poop. What else could a man want?