'White People'

Gentlemen, please!

 

Quit telling on me you devil.

All this talk of pecker decorations reminded me of a true story. A couple of friends and I used to rent this beach cabin at Myrtle Beach SC when I was stationed at Fort Bragg. One weekend these two chicks were at the cabin and one of my buddies had this chick with him in his bedroom. The girl came out of the bedroom laughing like an insane person and explained to her girlfriend and I that she and my friend were messing around and when he got a bone up two little eyes showed up on the end of his pecker. He had had two eyes tattooed on his pecker and it looked like a snake when it got up and ready. I'll have to admit, it was funny.

 

He's an expert at this game, years of experience, he doesn't need our advice, Orvis!

 

A real man would have two holes installed...

 

What colors do you recommend?

 

While we are on the subject of coloured peckers... If I choose to turn my back on my white privilege and self identify as a Jamaican sprinter, will I be compensated for my sacrifice with a disproportionately huge package?

 

You will be provided with appropriate corrective eye wear that will assist you in maintaining that delusion.

 

You will be given a set advantage when racing against other sprinters. For example, you will be allowed to use a small two wheeled cart to carry your abnormally large junk in, and be allowed a 4 second head start on a 100 meter race.

Will that suffice?

PS: You may not win the race but you will be enormously popular at any race occurring at a women's college stadium.