Okay time to liven things up a bit with some jokes!

I had my leg X-rayed today.

The doctor said: 'Your patella measures 2.54cm'.

I said: 'Inch-high knees?'

He said: '您的髌骨是2.54厘米高.'

 

I would be curious to know what that actually says in Chinese...kinda like the tattoos everyone thinks say peace or love or whatever.

 

Google translate is your friend.
I ran it through and it says : "Your cheekbones are 2.54 cm high." Close.

 

Beef broccoli #2.54, chicken balls extra

 

She says you want 69 ? Beef with Broccoli ?

 

So I was just walking my dog, and I passed by my gay neighbor's house... He was standing on his balcony looking somewhat nervous, so I asked what was going on.

He said that he had gotten his dating app and his PizzaHut app all mixed up, and that there was a 9 inch meat lovers on it's way to his house, but he wasn't really sure what to expect.

 

A man and his wife are in the living room discussing a "Living Will"
He tells her "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens just pull the plug."
His wife got up, pulled the plug on the TV and threw out all his beer

 

Theyre the Chinese characters that mean "Disappointing your parents."

I have a friend with one of these:


She calls it a ying yang. I shake my head and keep my mouth shut.

 

It hasn't been 1960 for some time now. You'd be hard pressed to find someone who's parent's are 'disappointed' in them because they got a small Chinese character tattoo.

 

Tr

True.

 

Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded,
we are hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up,
and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches.

Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is (you guessed it!) going for a song.

 

Geezus! I’ve been seeing this for a month and just took the time to figure it out

 

So an elderly man goes to the pharmacy and asks for Viagra.
The pharmacist tells him : "I'm all out of the 50 mg, I'll give you the 100 mg instead. Tonight, you're gonna split 'er in half !"
The man replies : "My wife ?!?"
Pharmacist replies : "No, sir. The pill."

 

I went to a nudist beach once, but everyone was complaining about the erection I had. Finally one person came over, and said "Sir, it's not appropriate that you are walking around with that erection."

"Oh, I just use it as a sun dial. Like right now, I can see by the shadow, it's 7 pm."

The lady says, looking at her wristwatch, "You are way off... it's almost 8:30."

I exclaim "The damned thing is slow again!!" as I began to furiously jack it off.

 

Did you hear the joke about Elton John?

It's a little bit funny....

But then again, no....

 

When he was visiting and needed to take a dump, for a moment Sun Myung Moon's moon was in Elton John's john.

 

Egad...

There should be consequences for this....

 

But did Sun go down on him?