Kids say.....

Discussion in 'General' started by SirCrashAlot, Oct 15, 2017.

  1. Sweatypants

    Sweatypants I am so smart! S-M-R-T... I mean S-M-A-R-T!

    5 yr. old niece walking down the street a couple weekends ago, totally unprovoked and not even talking to anybody... sees this guy walking in front of her, and under her breath to herself with a concerned/scrunched face just mumbles "stupid man bun..." her mom has no idea where she even got that from, straight out of left field all in her own brain.
     
    Shenanigans likes this.
  2. JJJerry

    JJJerry Well-Known Member

    I was driving with my boy when he was around 4. I was cut-off rather unkindly, and I let out some expletives while locking up the brakes. I looked in the mirror, boy looked uninterested... good.

    About 5 minutes of quiet pass, and he says, "Dad. What's a fucking cocksucker?"

    Beginning of the end.
     
    ClemsonsR6 and cav115 like this.
  3. Dave K

    Dave K DaveK über alles!

    I keep singing the Replacements when this thread bumps up.

    Kids won't follow
    What you're saying
    In my face out my ear
    Kids don't follow
    What you're sayin'
    We can't hear
    What you say
    Not tomorrow
    Not today
     
  4. ryoung57

    ryoung57 Off his meds

    Mine's not so much funny as FUCKING MORTIFYING.

    My former stepdaughter's natural father and grandfather are racist pieces of shit. When the kid was like three, shortly after her mother and I had got together, we were in the checkout lane at walmart. There was an older black lady in line in front of us. Kid tugs on her mothers arm and says, "look mommy, it's a n-word!". :eek:
     
  5. CausticYarn

    CausticYarn Cut the rope

    I was at the car dealership with the girls the other day when a rather large woman wearing a gray shirt walked past us. My 2.5 year old watches her pass with kind of a questioning look on her face and then starts singing MANATEE rather loudly over and over again. 5 minutes go past and she begins inquiring at the top of her lungs about the manatee that she couldn't see any longer - "Mommy, where did the MANATEE go!?"
    I was mortified.
     
    panthercity likes this.
  6. Funkm05

    Funkm05 Dork

    On the plus side, we all know where she gets that from. :D
     
    R Acree and BSA43 like this.
  7. panthercity

    panthercity Thread Killa

    Decades (and decades) ago, I was visiting my folks with the kids. My mother wanted to take my 4-year-old son to the zoo. As we were sitting at a traffic light, the light changed but the car in front of us didn't move. Almost immediately my mother honked at her. Rob, stood up in the back seat and yelled "Yeah! Haul ass lady!"
    I crawled into the ashtray for the rest of the trip.
     
    ToofPic, R Acree and JJJerry like this.
  8. Dan Dubeau

    Dan Dubeau Well-Known Member

    My 4 year old Daughter thinks every stoplight is a drag tree, and yells at me when we're "losing". If somebody in front of us doesn't start pulling away when the light turns she yells "GREEN MEANS GO.....JEEEEEZ" lol. It's hilarious and annoying at the same time. Especially when she chirps me "daaaad you just lost to a van".

    Watching Q2 this past weekend she snuggled up next to me on the couch and leans in points to the screen and says "that's Marc Marquez, he's my favourite cause he's the fastest. Wheres your guy dad? in last place?" Lol. Not much I could say to that.

    Not even going to mention all the repeating of expletives while driving. Too many.
     
    Phl218, ToofPic and cha0s#242 like this.
  9. Banditracer

    Banditracer Dogs - because people suck

    I've always grown a beard in the fall and take it off in the spring. My wife has joked with friends about how she doesn't like it cause it scratches her thighs. :D
    Both girls, 3 years apart were at the babysitters, my wife's cousin Denise. She had a friend there and the friend told Denise her husband was growing a beard.
    I don't remember which one said it, " Mommy doesn't like Daddy's beard, it scratches her thighs ". :crackup:

    It still gets mentioned at family gatherings once in a while.
     
    Phl218, Funkm05, panthercity and 3 others like this.
  10. Spitz

    Spitz Well-Known Member

    Picked up my son from daycare one day and on the way home he says "dad, I have a wood tick in my nose" and I kind of shrugged it off and he said it a few more times on the way home. Nearly home I repeated to him what he kept saying and he says "NO, I have a wood CHIP in my nose". I say OHH, ok!. I cleaned him up after we got home and noticed nothing apparently wrong with him, even dug in his nose to get the crap out. A week later my wife goes, Ryan! WTF is this in his nose? She knew the story and here there was 3/4" woodchip stuck in the boys nose! Well shit, I better listen to him closer next time, but for 5 days we cleaned his nose everyday and never saw any hint of a woodchip!
     
  11. Phl218

    Phl218 Lemme ask my wife

    My boy drops about as much scheisse and oh shit as my wife. No way i can keep up with that, even if i put some effort into it.
     
  12. ryoung57

    ryoung57 Off his meds

    Is your daughter Broome?
     
    Gorilla George likes this.
  13. Dan Dubeau

    Dan Dubeau Well-Known Member

    Nah, she's way to messy and disorganized for that.
     
  14. eggfooyoung

    eggfooyoung You no eat more!

    Today at school, the boy, 5, dropped something.

    "GOD DAMMIT!"

    We're both in trouble.
     
  15. pjzocc

    pjzocc Well-Known Member

    When I was like 5, the catholic school my sister and I went to had a carnival fundraiser. They had a Ferris wheel. Me, sis and Pops were on the wheel, and EVRY time we descended I screamed to my mom at the top of my lungs:

    “MOMMY! MOMMY!!! THE FERRIS WHEEL MAKES MY DINKIE TICKLE!!!!”

    Mom was standing next to Sister Catherine, the school’s principal and disciplinarian.

    I can still see my mom’s mortified look on her face.
     
  16. CausticYarn

    CausticYarn Cut the rope

    Mommy, how many germs are in a gram of poo?
     
  17. SundaySocial

    SundaySocial Blue and Gold

    ALL of them !
     
  18. Chasbro

    Chasbro Well-Known Member

    I was sitting in the office of my auto repair shop when my six year old came in and said, "Dad, I broke the Buffalo 6."
    I said you broke what? I went out in the shop and found that he had unscrewed the jaw off the vise and couldn't get it back on. I never knew what brand it was until then, but it was clearly labeled "Buffalo 6".
     
    Chris, R Acree and ToofPic like this.
  19. ToofPic

    ToofPic Member known well

    I remember my son yelling at me when he was 4 or 5 while playing Mortal Combat.He got soo pissed at my leg sweeps ,he started crying,and told me he was gonna beat my ask.
    I asked again,just to confirm,and it was a beating of my ask.I laughed my balls of!!:crackup:

    Kids are great,but demented old grandparents are what get me giggling my ass off.Those old folks say some crazy shit,and will embaress the shit out of you in public.
    I watched my granny Dunagan get into a car load of black folk at a Bank one day.They freaked the hell out,and I had to go retrieve her.
    She was a maniac,before the me too movements.The old gal was a survivor of the depression,and rat holed everything.
    RIP Granny:bow:
     
  20. David-imoddavid

    David-imoddavid Well-Known Member

    Over heard a 3-4 year old to his mom at a grocery store dairy case.

    "Look Mommy - chocolate eggs!"

    Brown country eggs.
     

Share This Page