Kids say.....

Was making a bubble bath for my twins (just turned 6) the other week, when one was using the other bathroom. He ran in and hopped on my lap, snuggled, than said.. "oh, I forgot to wipe"! Yeah... yes he did...

 

I say that as a father to a 3 and 7 yo who has been there.

 

Hahaha, my kids had "Naked butt dance!" when they got out of the tub.

 

Ok, this one is just too funny not to share.

I use YouTube over the Roku to play music and videos I want to expose the girls to. I let them choose songs they’ve heard on the radio that they like as well, so long as the content is appropriate.

This morning Cora asked for “Smooth Criminal”, so I asked if she wanted the MJ version or Alien Ant Farm. She chose MJ, so I cued up the 9:26 video for them.

Scene comes on where the dancers do the lean-ahead trick, Cora freaks out and asks how they can do that, while simultaneously falling on her face trying to do it herself. So I explain the heel locks they used, and she asks how they know where to stand. Explain about the practice and choreography and point out how every dancer is moving in unison.

Hazel pipes in “They’re all doing the same thing, except the white guy!”

MJ is wearing a white suit, and I pissed myself laughing.

 

My 6 yo walks in...

"Daddy when I'm 16, can I have a Chevelle and a pitbull?"

FML

 

Hell yes they can

 

After blasting Ministry for the weekend, I decided to turn it down a notch and queued up some Depeche Mode. Girls are eating dinner and “Strange Love” comes on, and I start singing along “Pain! Will you return it? I say it again! Pain!”

The 4yr old pipes up and repeats the refrain the next time it plays.

Note to self: no playing “Closer” by NIN

 

"Dad, can you play Psycho Killer again?"

"Yes I can..."

 

“Every day is Halloween” was playing and I couldn’t keep them at the table, they wanted to watch the video with the skeletons and other weird things.

 

KMFDM...

 

Kiddo and i were hiking in our local park and took a break by the river, right when a crew of kayakers arrived with the kayaks on the trailer, getting ready to go in the water.

middle 20's dude (about 5'5", 250lbs or more) walks by with the kayak on the shoulder , my kiddo yells - THAT'S A BIG BOY

 

My 3 year old just told me "get off the potty before I poop my pants you big jerk!"

Had to laugh

 

Have to tell this one.... except it's about my grandpa



A while back my grandpa's satellite started acting up so he calls me to help him fix it. So I get it working and I notice that he has the NASA channel. I ask him if he ever watches the NASA channel... so he says I watch it sometimes but if you've seen one tit you've seen em all.

 

My family and I were in Huntsville at the Bridge Street Town Centre area and we see two women dressed in burkas. My three year old daughter sees them and says, "Look! Ninjas!" and starts doing little karate kicks.

 

Our family dog is named Sprocket. My 4 year old daughter still calls him "Sprock-tit". My 2 year old can't say squirrel, so she calls them squirtles. So now Sprock-tit chases squirtles.

 

Ok. So my son was talking to my uncle. Son is almost 6, uncle is 78. Got into a huge argument about Santa Claus. Uncle asked him what Santa Claus was bringing him. My kid says Santa isn't real and that he's just something grown-ups say to get kids to behave (I had nothing to do with him believing this and not pertinent to the story). Anyway my uncle said he was real and what was he gonna do if he came and didn't leave him anything because he didn't believe in him. He said well then he's just a son of a bitch.

 

My son is now 6.5 and just stopped calling Star Wars, Star Whores. He only corrected himself because he’s reading everything he can and figured it out himself. No damn way I was correcting that and whenever he said it around other people they would quickly look at me and I’d just smile, nod, and say “ya, you heard him right”.

 

“Star Whores” was a good movie. Not a great plot but plenty of action. Background music during certain scenes was awful too, but I digress.

 

So, years ago we are planning a trip from SC to IN for Christmas to see Grandma. We buy all 4 kids personnel CD players and music to listen to on the trip. (all age appropriate) A couple hours in, the little one, way in the back of the car is screeching out something i can't understand. Kid is barely old enough to talk. Finally get his attention and ask what he's doing. Instead of Barney or whatever we provided he's listing to "Red Zeppelin" . Where the hell did you get that? From the older brother. Red Zeppelin I ask? ya, it's good!!! On the return trip he has a melt down, what's wrong? I can't find my Red Zeppelin! Then asks me if Red Zeppelin is dead?!?!?! Boy loves old rock and roll to this day.

 

My Daughter used to love ABCD. Hey Dad, can you put on some ABCD, I love rock and roll lol.