Goofy sayings from people...

The 'proper' quote is "Not my circus, not my monkeys".

It's an old Polish saying.

 

You're fųcking this monkey. I'm just holding his tail up for you.

 

I like Terry Pratchett's little saying:
Useful as a chocolate hammer/inflatable dartboard.

 

I ate Taco Bell/Golden Corral/Applebee's and now I could shit through a screen door.

 

Yep choice was hit a speed limit sign post, likely high side down the center if I was able to get it to grip over the edge, or choice "C" Unfortunately C wrecked the pipes, dented the tank, busted the gauges among other things. Totaling it. Some rash to me and a few stitches. I've done worse

 

If it weren't for bad luck, I wouldn't have any.

 

All fucked up like a soup sandwich.

Funnier than a monkey fucking a football.

Oh, you don't believe fire burns, huh?

Several variations of fucking a chicken. The chicken is a "task". When someone is offering unsolicited advice on how you should complete your task...

1. Let me fuck this chicken.

2. This is my chicken, can I fuck it?

3. Is this my chicken?

 

my pops use to say that to me

 

Boy, you ain't got the brains that God gave a grasshopper's ass.


I save that one for special occasions.

 

Slick as a minnow’s dick
Tighter than a whore’s heart
Slippery as snot on a doorknob

 

Tighter than a Frogs Ass in water

 

Sealed up like a dolphin's butt. - Watertight ~Airheads

 

Does the Pope shit in the woods...
Does a bear wear a funny hat ??

 

"Asking for a friend...."

"Sent from..."

 

That motor is knocking like a jackass in a tin shed

 

Fire ants... small as a grain of rice and make ya get naked as a jaybird

 

You ain’t the Boss of me !
No !
2XITB !
Stoner is the best that ever was !