Divorce help - God Damn Epidemic

Priorities.

 

I have a plan for that. I hope it doesn’t come to that - I’m employed here, and applying for Permanent EU residence.

I do plan to insert a clause that says that if my daughter decides she wants to abandon her mother when she is a teenager, she can live with me wherever I want to go. We will see if her mother accepts that

 

Was thinking that a career improvement move might be acceptable, and subject to negotiation, but a move to pursue a love interest / relationship is not. What do you think? Reasonable, or slippery slope?

 

You're asking about putting a clause in her paperwork barring her from moving for a new relationship?

That's not going to happen. This isn't about her..it's about your kid and your relationship with your kid.

So getting her to agree to having to stay within what you feel is an acceptable radius from where you live will
be about as much as you can expect and as much as she can probably see as resonable.

You have to look at things from her side and say what would you be able to see as reasonable?
Everything I listed, is probably reasonable for normal human beings, but ex-wives are generally not normal or reasonable human
beings.

 

Does your wife wife know about this ex-girlfriend on the side Phil?

 

There is a clause in the boy’s plan that states that someone cannot live with someone else unless they are married. Basically barring someone just living together.

 

That might be workable.

 

Yeah and there is no talk about this subject.

I left her for the current wife. Would have never seen a dime in that family of lawyers and the life I was headed to live would have got me killed by now.

All which bikes and other shit have not managed by now

 

The wedding pic of her (the day she got married to an airline pilot) standing in front of the red 1956 300SL I got to drive around? Or other pics?

 

Yep

 

No the nekkid pictures. The one that are sticky and dust covered.

You’re not being helpful here.

 

Yes he is ... we want pictures

 

we will have to see first, if @I'm with Stupid needs some legal advice

 

Bullshyt! @I’m with Stupid is on another continent. Besides, the photos might help him to decide as to whether he will retain her services.

And just to ensure @IWS’s case, there’s always PM’s.

 

well, she is in Germany. just like him.

 

I like that idea, but I think it would be impossible to enforce here in Germany. Here there is no social pressure to get married. Lots of people shack up and raise families without being married, and there is no social or legal stigma. Typically the only time the German words for husband/wife (Ehemann/Ehefrau) are used are in legal documents. In social settings, the generic terms Mann/Frau are used to describe partners, so it is impossible to know if someone is actually married unless they tell you.

I'm thinking that a clause specifying marriage would be viewed as an unreasonable requirement.

 

As it is possible that I may need to consult with Phil's ex-girlfriend, I have asked him not to feed the animals. Sorry, guys.

But I will tell you animals that I have seen her professional photo, and by Phil not sharing, you are definitely being deprived

 

I see your point here. My concern is not focused on her, it's on my daughter.

In some ways, my ex is very naive. She suffers from a defect in perceptiveness when it comes to other people. When she meets someone new, in professional or social settings, she tends to only see the positive image that person is trying to portray. I can't count the number of times she has met someone, and then proceeded to tell me how wonderful and perfect the new acquaintance or colleague is. Only later, after six months to a year or so, does she finally begin to see behind the mask. At that point she often switches from practically worshiping the person to hating them for somehow having misled her.

By then though, any damage that could be done to her as a result of her failing has probably been done. It has caught her out multiple times in work environments, has on occasion negatively affected her career, and directly contributed to the failure of our marriage.

At this point I no longer care that she gets splattered by this, but I do care very much if it affects my daughter. I have great concern that she could hook up with a guy who is abusive toward my daughter, or who perhaps has a teenage child who mistreats or molests my daughter, and my wife wouldn't recognize the situation until it is too late to prevent.

So, I'm thinking I need to include some specific clauses:

1. That third parties, regardless of their relationship to a parent, are not permitted to initiate or participate in discipline or punishment of the child, regardless of circumstances or intent.

2. No third party will be permitted to provide caretaking services (pickup/dropoff, babysitting, overnight stays, etc.) or engage in unsupervised events or activities, unless we both agree in writing beforehand on the specific instance and caretaker. I would exclude "playdates" with my daughter's friends and classmates from this, unless they involve overnight stays.

3. If the child accompanies a parent on a trip or overnight stay outside of the parent's residence, then the reason for the trip, a full itinerary, and a list of accompanying or visited persons along with a description of their relationship or affiliation with the child ( unless those persons are the child's blood relatives, or relatives by marriage, with whom the child is already familiar). must be provided prior to the trip or overnight stay.

Does this seem reasonable?

 

No. I get it. I really do. You’re in the right headspace and your focus is right where it should be. On your daughter and her welfare.

This is all worth a shot, but I think most of it is highly unlikely. Would you agree to those terms as well? If you do, the chances of getting them agreed to is greater. Getting those restrictions in what will be your ex’s house and not having them in yours is a stretch. And how do you think that they will be enforced? You cannot watch her 24/7.

Consider putting an age on them, like maybe these limitations are in place til your daughter is 12-14, and that makes them seem more agreeable.