Divorce help - God Damn Epidemic

My mom was shooting up our child support money from my dad,and she swore for years he never paid a dime.......until we got older and saw all the paperwork showing otherwise.

 

In my mother‘s case, it was definitely my dad exploiting the law at the time. Virginia (where we lived then) ended up changing divorce law because of my mother and other women who got screwed over.

 

One of my former friends went to the extent to have a separate checking account solely for the point of paying the child support/alimony payments.
He photographed his check as outbound, and the cashed check as proof, all in one account. Nice and tidy.

 

Even so Mongo, you take every opportunity to create a paper trail that you can produce in Court to cover ones own ass when dealing with someone that has no integrity.

 

No disagreement Sir. I just don’t trust the Court or State Employees integrity either.

I want to prove it in court if they fucked up too.

I’m just a name and number to them and the judges. They barely pay attention to what they’re doing. Remember I’m just South of Baltimore.

 

You just wait your turn, young-in

 

In Germany, an uncontested divorce can be handled by one lawyer, when both parties agree. We had originally discussed this as the appropriate path. It was supposed to be up to me to start the process.

Through inquiring of lawyers for divorce services, I found that my wife has already consulted with a lawyer.

This means we are going to have a war, despite the promises to avoid it.

I have been asked to specify what I would like to have included in a joint child custody agreement. Any specifics I should include, or gotchas I need to avoid?

 

Not caught up on German law, but in America lawyers will tell you one parent should have final say on Education/Religion, etc. In my separation agreement if there is a disagreement that cant be settled between the two of us, it goes to a mediator, to be paid for by the party that has final say. Id avoid stating specific days or custody, mine just says 50/50, but call for a specific advanced notice should one party need to change the schedule. Ive been having issues with my x using me as a last second backup to take care of the kids. Id push for a requirement that one parent can not move more than x miles from the other with out written, notarized permission.

 

F that! She's already in Germany. Where else she gonna go? He, on the other hand, might decide he wants to move back to the US at some point. Can you imagine needing her permission?

(I realize that she could move to a different town and make things even worse, but…)

 

EVERY DAMNED THING YOU CAN THINK OF!

- Day care/before care/after care..who's paying for it
- School lunches and who is paying for it
- music lessons and who is paying what for what
- Every holiday
- Birthdays
- Extra curricular activities and their costs (if you are paying for the fees, make sure you can deduct her half from your baby momma drama support check you gotta pay every month)
- Who's buying the kid a car when they start to drive
- Who is paying car insurance
- Who is paying for the gas
- Who is covering for health insurance and make it explicit that the other parent covers it if you are unable at any point due to loss of a job, etc
- Who is paying for college
- At what age are the kid/kids getting a cell phone and whose contract is it on? Who's paying for it?
- Extended weeks outside the normal schedule for vacations
- 30 day notices before change of address (so you know where to send the fucking check when they decide to move)
- Put a clause in the agreement that they cannot move without you knowing and within a distance from where you live that you find acceptable (same city, within 20 miles, same State, etc)
- Make it in writing that you are to be made known and included and have a say in any and ALL decisions regarding the kid's mental and physical health decisions, then get that put into a copy of their medical records and make it clearly known to their pediatrician that you will sue the fuck out of them if they give your kid an aspirin without you being notified.

Just a few ideas off the top of my head.

That document is your ability to hold your ex accountable and define the rules and boundaries as much as possible. It holds them accountable and eliminates ambiguity if
clear definitions covering as many situations as possible are layed out in clear detail on how they will and should be handled.

 

The boys custody agreement is like this:

Biodad is responsible for 50% of all expenses. Period. We do not go to excess with him but he is a little bit spoiled and is genuinely a good human so I don’t mind.

Holidays flip flop based on year. At Christmas and Thanksgiving he either leaves at 11:00 AM to be with him, or comes home at 3 PM depending on who’s house he’s at for the day.

Education and such are left up to us based on he’s with us for 60% of the time.

I pay for his insurance, car, fuel and medical insurance but I also do that so I personally have final say so for what happens to it and when I can take it away for bad behavior (which is rare).

We have a set schedule on time but can swap days whenever we like or when the boys asks (after he’s 16 that will change some)

Overall we have the upper hand but do not abuse it and have given more control to the boy as he’s gotten older...early on it sucked and the parenting plan had to be enforced on a regular basis even if we didn’t always like it.

In short, get every damn detail you can think of put into writing so you have something to follow if a pissing match ensues.

 

You know, reading some of these posts, one comes to see that 'Privileged Childhood' can be defined in different ways.

My parents never divorced nor have ever done any of the shenanigans described here.

I had a very privileged childhood I can be thankful for....

Congrats for coming out normal (well, some of you...)

 

My ex gf is a divorce attorney and supposedly very good. Need a contact?

 

How about some pics first?

 

Yes, please!

 

Thank you, this is so helpful! I had thought of a few of these, but this adds another dimension.

 

You're welcome. I have most of this in my "Declaration of Independence" from my ex....some I missed.

I also keep a copy in .pdf format on my phone so if something happens...I'll quote her chapter and verse in a heartbeat, and she knows it.

When it comes to settlement negotiation and she and her mouthpiece talk all kinds of smack about how they're going to get so much from you, remind them that
you're paying her..she's not paying you..so they may want to leave a little "On the table" because they need you financially "healthy"...or you cannot pay and then she
gets nothing.

I told mine the same thing and reminded her that if I cannot pay, she gets nothing, and may be I go to jail..where I get free rent, free meals, free tv, free gym membership, and
all the sex I can handle...which is WAY more than I EVER got from her, so where do I lose in that? ;-)