Goofy sayings from people...

A friend of mine starts damn near every sentence with" To tell ya the truth" and then proceeds to make his statement.
Drives me Nuts!!!
I'm like,No asshole lie to me!!

 

nutter than a peach orchard boar

 

Old college buddy of mine from (Somerset, Kentucky) used to say "hornier than a two-dicked dog". Would always crack us up, where do hillbillies come up with this stuff?

 

dammed auto correct.

 

Happened to my wife in our backyard this past Sunday!

 

You can't swing a dead cat without hitting a.... around here.

In the south you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a Baptist church

 

I just made up a word that I think has legs. Let's get this one into the lexicon.

Ridiquitous - adj. A concept, idea, or theory that in both ridiculous and ubiquitous. Closely related to the Mark Twain quote, "It's not what a man knows or doesn't know that matters. It's what he knows that ain't so."

And... Go...

 

I get a kick out of people that get expressions wrong. A former coworker: He’s not the sharpest needle in the haystack.

 

has "a whole nother" been said yet?

 

I used to work with a guy I named Mr. Malaprop, he was so full of ignorance. Escape goat, Ginzu trees and a whole host of others. I terrified him about it so hard that when he was speaking in a meeting and sneaking up on a phrase he wasn't 100% sure about he would look at me with haunted eyes and wince as he spoke.

 

Not the brightest bulb on the tree.

 

6 in one, a dozen in another.

 

If you hear this from an anesthesiologist, leave..."You aren't paying me to put you to sleep, you're paying me to wake you up."

 

I heard a guy on the radio say twice: in one swell foop

 

Watching an old movie this evening, I learned the definition of a term I've not used in a while.

"Coolie wages."

 

“It is what it is. “

Translation: “I have no analysis or substance to offer but I still feel compelled to talk.”

 

Fixed.

 

I said one this weekend that my dad use to say "Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick"

I just googled it, apparently that saying is from the 1800's!