Top Ten Motorcycle Retard Quotes

Gotta get loose man. Can't be riding all stiff and uptight!

 

"Can't wait to watch OCC on CMT."

 

When I was at the local Guzzi/Ducati shop:

Guy off the street looking at a new F1-B: "That needs a fo-n-won."

Owner of shop: "A what?"

Guy: "A fo-n-won. And filosofee stacks."

Owner: "Velocity stacks?"

Guy: "No, filosofee stacks."

 

When you're stuck behind a desk, you look for comic relief where you can find it.

 

The Ducati sticker doesnt mean shit.

I took this picture outside my hotel in Luanda Angola.

 

Must be a Yamacati

 

I went to look at a 70s Suzuki T250 in the dead of winter. Guy told me on the phone it would run, just needed the carbs and powerband cleaned because it was a 2-stroke.

I got there and the motor was seized. I pointed this fact out and guy's buddy looks at me and says, "Whaddya expect, it's only 10 degrees out!! Don't you know metal expands in the cold? It ain't meant to be run in this weather. You take that thing inside and she'll turn over when the metal shrinks back down."

 

Hey, those are getting to be rare!

On the subject of Ducati's and this thread...Has anyone noticed that non bikers automatically think Ducati's are the fastest thing out there?

MAN...that's a DUCATI?! Those things are sweet. They handle way better than anything out there and they are so fast. Way faster than any jap bike, for sure.

 

I have an air cooled 750 Monster that I cafe'ed.

Every non-motorcyclist that see's it goes, "man, that thing must fly! What's the top speed, like 180 something!".


I think the top speed I've seen WFO is 115, going downhill with a back wind

 

The best was always the potbellied drunks around the WERA Formula USA 500s.

"My Harley could out run that, it's only a 500."

Second best was a drunk around JU's Methanol bike.
"What's methanol, like Alchohol? Can you drink it?"

 

I was at a Local Ducati, Triumph, Bimota dealer waiting for a friend to come back from a demo ride on a Streetfighter when a guy decked out in his Ducati gear walks over. I was sitting down reading magazines and I guess he had to sit in the seat in the corner and needed to get by me. As he's squeezing by he says, "scusi mi". I looked at him like wtf, and he must've noticed, so he says, "oh, sorry, that means excuse me in italian." I'm still looking at him like he has 5 heads and he then says, "you know, because I have a Ducati". I told him that it's actually "mi scusi" and walked out. I waited outside until my buddy came back.

 

Why do Ducati guys (for the most part) obsessively wear t-shirts and jackets and gloves with DUCATI written all over the shit?

Some guys probably even have the Ducati nut-huggers.

 

#1 SCRAB, SKRAD, SHRAD
#2 HighBooster
#3 Double and triple Powerbands
#4 I had a guy who said is four wheeler had PTO (Power take off) that allowed him to start in 4th gear when PTO is a place to connect accessories like a winch to the output shaft of the transfer case.

 

I once had a harley guy tell me that cruisers were safer because if you crash one "at least you are going feet first".

 

If I had a dime for every time I had this kind of exchange. I have a Triumph Sprint ST

"What kind of bike is that?"
"A Triumph, Sprint ST."
"Triumph? I had me a Bonneville once."
"Oh yeah? What year?"
...blank stare...

 

skretched swinger bars

 

How much to change the crutches?

 

Only rad the 1st and 10th page, so i dont know if it a repeat.

"The GSXR1000 had a button that can make it a 1000 or a 750 or a 600"

 

10th page? What?

 

Moms boyfriend bought a Harley ultra glide....I think (gold wing lookin deal) and told me he would beat me on my 98 ZX9, the guys at the shop told him so. One weekend he took my mom out for a ride (shut it!) so my girlfriend and I tagged along. First stop light I looked at him, he was ready to go, light turned green and I let him keep up till about 60km/h. Apparently they had too much weight in their saddle bags and beer box so it wasn't fair. We never rode together again.