Marriage question

How are you doing Glenn?

Hang in there, Bud...

 

Jesus christ, there are so many women out there. Move on.

 

Don't be too naive. That right there is the time-tested contradiction of women. They don't want to spend their money, they want to spend YOUR (errr, I mean our) money

A lot of feminist rhetoric emblazons women to think they are entitled to a man taking care of them, whether they are self-sufficient or not.

 

Glenn, I was in a similar situation once, with a girl I had dated for 4 years and was incredibly in love with. She started dropping hints about not being happy, and then during a vacation in Miami, picked a fight with me to use as fuel to break things off.

I tried the confrontational thing; asking her why she felt like she did, listing the reasons the break up was stupid, writing her love notes, etc. DIDN'T WORK.

Then I tried to move on, be strong, be happy, and I started dating other girls. IT WORKED. I quit pressuring her about our break up, apologizing to her, telling her how much she meant to me, and started being very agreeable and happy. She wanted space? "I think that's probably the right thing to do!" was my reply. She didn't think it was working? "You're probably correct." Am I going out with _______? "Yeah."

Being happy and moving on actually made me more attractive in her eyes, because I WAS BEING THE GUY SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH, not some lame, desperate jerk off.

As it turns out, a lot of other ladies found that attractive as well, and when she wanted to get back together, I told her "maybe that isn't the greatest idea!" Acting like I was over her, helped me to actually get over her.

Try it; just for a week. Agree with everything, act happy, and start dating other people.

 

Not bad advice, except for the dating part for now. until you are legally separated, dating can cost you big time even if the split is her idea. Even with the papers, you need to be discrete.

 

Hey man that sucks, my wife checked out on our 12 year marriage while I was deployed. I came home for leave for two weeks she wasn't initmate on any level, she spent more time away than home, some of the very same things you mention including the working out alot. You would think that not seeing her husband for over 6 months the last thing she would want to be is out and away but thats how it was. Once I got home she was gone many nights during the week, out til midnight 2 am on a Wednesday for example.
Personally I think she was with someone else which led to the lack of intimacy etc.... I have never been a fan of the needing space thing since if they were interested in working on the marriage what do you need space for when being at home working on a resolution is whats necessry. I hate to be all negative nancy on this but to me those are clear signs that something is already working against you. So now is the time to get your house in order and to separate yourself emotionally as much as possible. If she is going to come back then nothing was lost by getting your house in order. But if she is leaving then your ready for the hammer to fall.
Just keep positive and hang with your friends as much as possible to keep your mind as distracted from it as possible.

 

Been through this as well. Give it maybe one shot and if it doesn't get better End It! Cause it will only get worse. Sad but true. Good luck man!

 

Hey guys, just checking in. It has been unbelievable the amount of support I have received on here. It's truly amazing and I thank you.

I am doing ok today. It comes and goes. Some days I want to cry my eyes out and other days I am strong. Until last night, I got a total of 10 hours of sleep in 5 days, lost 10 lbs (and I'm a runner so I have nothing to lose really), and have had a constant migraine from crying so much. Maybe I'm acting like a bitch, but I am an old school person when it comes to these matters and I wear my heart on my sleeve. Without going into much detail, she has since moved in with her parents and I have an empty house now. It's hard sitting there staring at all of our family pictures, not having anyone to talk to, and falling asleep is impossible. The worst week of my life, easily. I love my wife more than life itself. I woke up everyday thinking about how I could be the best husband to her.

I begged and pleaded and begged some more and nothing helped. Some folks on here have talked about being strong and getting back to that person she fell in love with, the strong man. The past couple days I stopped begging. I left her alone. Guess what, she started texting and calling me. She canceled the appt I made with our real estate agent, never came and got the rest of her stuff like she said she would, we have a counseling appt tomorrow night, and has changed her demeanor. I can see the sorrow in her for the first time through this whole thing. I am not holding my breath by no means and there is some work to be done for sure, but it gives me hope and a little goes a long way at this point.

I have had some time to think about my marriage as well. I tore myself down to the core and inspected everything. Needless to say, I came up with a long list of things that I can fix about myself. I am bringing a list to counseling and am ready to work on them, with or without her. All I can do is try. If things work out, great. If they don't, I will know I gave it my all.

Love is a fickle matter. The relationships we have built with people are the only thing we can take to the grave. Nurture them. Tell your spouses, your family, your friends, and your enemies that you love them. Vengeance is a short term solution to a long term problem. Wish me luck and thanks again everyone.

 

Good luck man, I hope it works out for you!

 

And Acree falls into the hole: "discreet".

 

This part worries me. This "limbo" status will wear you down eventually. Stay strong, see how counseling goes, but be cautious with how long you're willing to let the situation stay unresolved. Like many have said, she may be in the middle of jumping ships.

 

Good luck, Glenn. Stay strong.

 

Ummm...your acting like a human. This is really hard stuff to deal with and whatever helps you, you do...cry all you want, throw some stuff, whatever makes it hurt less.

At least it looks like some progress is being made, and it's good that you are looking at bettering yourself. At the end of it all, no matter the outcome, you'll be a better person.

 

Glenn, good luck. You are doing somthing I have not been able to do. I guess I remained in your stage 1 for 10 months now. She warned me Monday that she intends to file. A lot of people told me to do what you are doing and I couldn't do it, I really love my wife and wanted to see her, to talk to her any chance I could get. Seems you are proof that it maywork. I am an example that trying your hardest to work it out probably doesn't. Good luck.

 

Glenn, I feel for you man, I really do. Ultimately, you are not responsible for HER happiness; SHE is. If you came up with a list of things you wish to change about yourself, do it for YOU, not your wife. Stay strong, and STAY UPBEAT!

DO NOT BEG, APOLOGIZE OR TELL HER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER! Keep the pressure off! Think about it from her perspective; would you be interested in a girl that you about to break up with, if she begged you to take her back? Nope. If she went out with some friends and looked like she was having a good time? Particularly if she was getting attention from other dudes? You'd be calling her ASAP.

Treat yourself to some new duds, a haircut, and some fun dude. She'll come running!

** Don't be surprised if you find you don't want her back! **

 

Kosta, try it, if only for a few weeks. What you're currently doing isn't working, so you may as well change course! Try it dude; what do you have to lose?

 

Treat women like crap and they can't get enough of you......treat them like gold and they will walk all over and eventually tire of you. Keep your pimp hand strong

 

You've gotten some great advice in here... watching family guy or anything that helps you laugh is always good in times like this.

I've learned the hard way that women will lie right to your face...beg you to mutually agree not to see anyone else (while living with you) while they are busy going out with a new guy. And the new time spent with girlfriends might be with another guy or it might be with a girl she's cheating on you with...never really know. It still amazes me the truth you find out once a relationship is over!

I hope the counseling works for you but if things don't work out, turn it off... completely. Continuing to talk/text once things are over will just keep the wound open and make it harder to move on.

Dating sucks, but there are plenty of good girls out there, trust me! And you will find another, if it comes to that, that will be everything you want and more. I know this from recent experience.

 

This is, unfortunately, true for way too many women.