Lawn Dart Airlines

When I get my own airline, I'm gonna implement the following:

1. Adherence to the carry on policy. If you have 5 bags, you ain't gettin' on board. You're gonna check something, you're gonna combine something, you're gonna ship something, or you're gonna throw some shit out.

2. If you can't properly put your bag in the overhead, or it doesn't fit, see above.

3. 4 Words: Hot. Fit. Flight. Attendants. My last flight had two who were smokin', well-dressed, and pleasant. This makes everyone's experience better.

4. Loyalty programs are going to mean something. Too many people on too many airlines have status for it to mean anything.

5. The whole freaking can. None of this 1/3 foam, 1/2 ice, so you get 1/6 of a serving of Coke.

6. Larger seats. Today's seat dimensions have been shrinking since the 90's. 4 major airlines, the seat with is 1 1/2 - 2 1/2 inches more narrow.

7. The boarding process. Hybrid between Southwest and other major airlines. There'll be lines for 1st class and priority boarding. If you're not in one of those lines, don't even think of crowding the gate. Delta does this at a couple of gates in ATL and it's fantastic. No idea why they don't do it everywhere.

It might not be the cheapest airline, but I guarantee it will catch on...

Oh yeah, I'll show MotoGP on the entertainment system.

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you're going to fail as an airline with #6.... just saying.

#3 might save you.... but probably not

 

sounds like a cross of Spirt Airlines and Emirates

 

Id load back to front.
Also Id convert the "weight" policy to passengers! If youre over 300lbs... then you're buying 1.5 seats. Same if youre a kid... you buy 1/2 a seat. Nothing is more unpleasant than boarding to see your middle seat is being encroached by 600+ lbs of mass!

 

I'd ban carry *ons entirely or charge for them and allow first checked bag free.

*purses, european male bags and small back packs allowed. and one only.

 

Did that at United and it failed badly. most people in the back are budget, once a year flyers and carry everything they own. They filled up ALL the overheads including first class before the plane was even half full. That when I used to sit in the front of the plane and it was the drizzling shits!

 

Can I smoke?

 

what kinda 1/2 assed airline is Lawndart running here! As a first class /front passenger I would think you would want to be on the plane the least amount of time possible! I hate when you feel that "temperature" change from all the bodies getting on.

Oh and no food court carryons!

 

Nobody is gonna say it? Lawn Dart? What does a lawn dart do? The only thing worse would be "Smoking Crater Airlines".

 

"Lawn Dart" airlines. Can't see how it could fail.

 

No

 

Right on the special seats positioned directly on the wing(s)!! Of course you'll get priority boarding!!

 

Well eff that. I'll just drive my truck.

 

Years ago I got stuck on an Aeroflot flight and they had only banned smoking a few years ago. Everyone boards (including a guy with a windshield) and the flight takes off. No crash so all is good. The flight starts climbing and from the back of the plane all you can hear is <flick flick flick> lighters and then this huge cloud of that russian tobacco smoke comes wafting forward.

No one tell russians they can't smoke!

 

Only if you fly outside the large metal tube charged with pressurized oxygen.


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I'm pretty sure the name alone has FAIL written all over it.


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These guys get it. LOL


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Will PBR be served?

 

Shit. This made me remember one I forgot. No kids in first class. Sorry, them's the rules.

Hubs will be Nashville, Cincinnati, Portland, OR, and somewhere in TX or OK. Maybe one in FL somewhere.


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How about if you need more than one seat, you have to buy two. I have been asked if I would lift the armrest so they have room. Easy answer....no. Go see someone with a scalpel and a shopvac.