Best Of: Foot in mouth

Gawd, you had to ask. My brother works in the oilfield, and I get this all the time. Over the years we’ve just shortened it all down to “pointy end goes in the hole”

 

I had this little person (midget, dwarf kinda lady) who was a regular patient at an inner city pharmacy I was at for a while. We were chatting as I rang out her prescription, and she didn’t give me enough cash.

I counted it again.

Her: “Whatsa matter?”

Me: “You’re short... oh, I mean... ah dammit.”

My tech had to leave the pharmacy because she started hyperventilating from laughing so hard.

 

HAHHAHHAHHAH! (slowly raises hand as Racer D.)

 

Went to the movies....movie starts, and the people behind us start talking...well, one guys talking...i cant hear what hes saying but its enough to interfere with the movie....so i let it slide for a minute or two, still talking.

So i finally turn around and say "so you assholes gonna talk the entire movie or what?? Maybe you should have gone and grabbed a beer and caught up, instead of catching the movie!?"

His response...whoee, my foot tasted awesome "Sorry about that, my Dads Alzheimer's is really bad today...i'll try to keep him quiet"

Fuuuck.....i felt like such an asshole.

 

Please tell me you told them to forget about it...

 

And with that, this thread can close

 

Ran into a coworker from our training dept that I would only see sporadically. Hadn't seen her in a long time and she was on crutches.

"What did you do to yourself?!" I asked, thinking skiing accident or something like that.

"I have MS."

 

I was at a pre-wedding dinner in Knoxville years ago. There were the couple getting married, two other couples plus a few sundry. I had been working in Greenland that year and earlier the groom had told me on of his friends had been to Greenland recently also and had hooked up with a local there. I walked into the dinner and asked "So who's the dude that banged the Inuit?"

Dead silence. The dude was half of one of the couples and his girl had been Stateside whilst had had gone to Greenland. And she was the only one who didn't know about his shenanigans.

Oops!