1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Advice from the beeb on homing a parent

Discussion in 'General' started by Fencer, Aug 8, 2016.

  1. beac83

    beac83 "My safeword is bananna"

    Fencer, It's a tough place to find yourself. Like Acree, I was dealing with my Mom around the same time as he was

    It may be too late to find a place that will provide lifelong care even if the money runs out, but it's worth a try. Typically they use terms like Continuim of care, or Life Lease to delineate that once they accept a patient, they won't put them out.

    Average cost of care is around $9-10K/mo in the midwest, not sure what it costs near you. Medicare will pay for the first 100 days if he is discharged from a hospital to the care facility (have to stay 3 days in the hospital first). Once the money runs out, then Medicaid will help. Apply about 60 days ahead of end of cash flow. The social worker at the facility will help.

    Second to what others have said about talking to the working staff, or just observing them. It will tell you a lot about the care level. Also, use your nose. A place that smells bad on multiple visits (anyplace can have a smelly incident now and then) is a place to stay away from.

    Parkinson's and dementia can be difficult, as they don't remember they can't walk and try to, resulting in falls. Also, the mood swings can be brutal for both them and you.

    Hang in there, get them the best care you can, and act with patience, kindness, and love.
     
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2016
    Fencer likes this.
  2. Metalhead

    Metalhead Dong pilot

    Fencer you're a hell of a man to keep it all together with all the shit you're going through. Hang tough man. We're all here lifting you up. Everyone here is pulling for you.

    Set your face like stone and keep looking ahead. Peace will find you soon.
     
    StaccatoFan and Banditracer like this.
  3. Fencer

    Fencer Well-Known Member

    Can you point me in a direction?

    Are you talking veterans affairs or VA hospital?
     
    Yzasserina likes this.
  4. Fencer

    Fencer Well-Known Member

    It's just another day man, (which reminds me... I need to Oingo Boingo In the music thread :) )

    I learned a long time ago to take them as they come and go.
     
    beac83 likes this.
  5. joec

    joec brace yourself

    Fencer, you're a good egg..
     
  6. kyle carver

    kyle carver Well-Known Member

    Veterans Affairs if one of your parents were in the military both will qualify. It takes a little time. Also find out what the State pays for a patient and negotiate towards that
     
    Yzasserina and Fencer like this.
  7. Fencer

    Fencer Well-Known Member

    When I asked her if she had looked into veterans affairs.
    Mother says dad is not eligible as the disability did not occur as a result of or on duty.

    I take that to mean she looked into it.
    is she correct or can you give me guidance ?

    It would also seem my still not ex is stalking me even in this thread....
     
  8. RossK6

    RossK6 Grid Filler

    When we were looking for a place for my mom, the military thing came up since Dad was a Korean War vet. The issue does not have to be service related, IIRC, but there are conditions and also means testing. I don't know much more about it since Mom had the $ thing covered. Double check with the admissions person at any of the homes you are looking at.
    Beac is spot on with the falls thing. With Alzheimer/Dementia patients, unless you restrain them physically or pharmacologically, they are going to have a tussle with mean old Mr. Gravity at some point. I think Mom managed to fall three times in her final 2 weeks.
    Good luck to you and your Mom.
     
  9. Motofun352

    Motofun352 Well-Known Member

    Falls don't just happen to Alzheimer folks. Mom was crossing the street and her top of her femur just broke where the ball takes a right angle off the bone. She went down in the middle of the street. Took major surgery and 3 months of recoop. She didn't want to get out of the wheel chair after that, had to use tough love to get her back on her feet but it got her 3 years of mobility (with a walker, but still) before the arthritis got so bad she couldn't walk anymore......got to do what you got to do sometimes. Good luck.
     
  10. kyle carver

    kyle carver Well-Known Member

    As RossK6 stated, it doesn't have to be related to his service. My dad was in the Army and my mom got the benefit. And I got the heads up from the admissions people at the Assisted Living. A bit of paperwork and a fair amount of waiting. I have told others putting mom in Assisted Living was one of the worst days of my life. The next day one of the best. Mom had made a friend and things went great, until she fell.
     
  11. RossK6

    RossK6 Grid Filler

    From my experience, it was the worst, and continued to suck for a couple of weeks. One of my brothers, who lived 10 miles away, was supposed to be in top of the situation. He went into denial, and had no grasp how far Mom's cognitive abilities had degraded. Mom lived in Oklahoma, and I am in NC. So our weekly phone calls became more and more brief as she knew she was slipping and did all she could to hide it. When I went to visit her, she had allowed her living conditions to slip enough that doing nothing could be considered neglect. The sibling living in town had made no preparations, and we had to force Mom into the home. She threw her purse at me when I told her she was not going back to her house. In town siblings didn't even tell her when they drove her to the home.
     
  12. R Acree

    R Acree Banned

    Dealing with those end of lives can really strain family relationships. No one is really prepared and there is often disagreement on what needs to be done and total misconception about who is doing doing the most. My sister and I still don't speak after events of the last few years dealing with my brother's murder and Mom's death and the care she required.
     
  13. speedluvn

    speedluvn Man card Issuer

    This is where the social worker in the assisted living and hospitals can offer support and therapy. Social workers can provide information as well as explain expectations, or things to be aware of concerning the person being admitted as well as the care givers and their well-being before, during after this period.
     
  14. R Acree

    R Acree Banned

    True enough, but people have differing thresholds for what they can handle.
     
    Yzasserina and beac83 like this.
  15. Venom51

    Venom51 John Deere Equipment Expert - Not really

    Selfishness on the part of those dealing with an elderly parent. I have to remind my sisters all the time that their parents took care of them when they were drooling and shitting on themselves. It's the very least they can do and should shut up about how much work it is. One would think they would get that more than I do since they all have children and I don't. Taking care of my wife's Grandmother isn't much fun either but she stepped in to take care of my wife when her mother was struggling so it's the very least we can do to make sure she has everything she needs.
     
    wanderlust likes this.
  16. auminer

    auminer Renaissance Redneck

    Any beeb denizens have experience with a loved one who has developed Capgras syndrome?

    Capgras is a form of what's called Delusional Misidentification Syndrome. Mother in law went from living in her own home with ~20 hours a week home health care assistance 15 days ago to (what seems to me) extreme dementia today.

    She recognizes people close to her, but she is convinced that we are impostors. She is extremely paranoid and switches back and forth between believing we are impostors to having us lean down so she can whisper in our ears that "they" are taping her room and are trying to poison her with medications other than her own and that "they" are going to kidnap my wife and I and replace us with impostors. It's gut wrenching.

    I won't bore yall with the physiology of what the head docs think causes this, but I would like to know if anyone has had a loved one with this issue, and any insights on how to interact with her. Treatments? Medications that worked? Answers to questions I don't yet know I have?
     
  17. RossK6

    RossK6 Grid Filler

    Well, my mom was never diagnosed with that, but at one point was convinced that my brother was having someone watch her, and claimed to have copies of the photos the supposed spy was taking of her. It sounds like a sub-set of dementia. That mind set was like a phase she went through.
    I found that trying to pull Mom back into reality was never really an option, and generally just got her wound up.
    No advice on meds.
     
  18. Sweatypants

    Sweatypants I am so smart! S-M-R-T... I mean S-M-A-R-T!

  19. Aberk

    Aberk Well-Known Member


    You found the only scene in that movie that didn't have a coke somewhere!
     
  20. Sweatypants

    Sweatypants I am so smart! S-M-R-T... I mean S-M-A-R-T!

    i just figured maybe i could provide an alternative solution to the old person dilemma is all... (** brought to you by Coca-Cola).
     

Share This Page