Goofy sayings from people...

that’s like when someone starts every sentence with, “Honestly,….”

 

Never heard that one! I’m going to use it…

 

"Broker than a broke dick dog."

 

"If I was as ugly as you, I'd shave my dogs ass and teach him to walk backwards."

 

"Looks like she fell out the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down"

 

Looks like she had a fire on her face and somebody put it out with an ice-pick.

 

The one I’ve heard is “hornier than a three peckered Billy goat”

 

"Hey! Wanna go to a Rush concert?"

"I'd rather eat my own scrotum."

 

What's goofy about that?

 

The first part.

 

Ahhh... Yeah, I could see that.

 

How do you get to Clemson from here?

South until you smell it, then West until you step in it.

How do you get to Bob Jones from here?

Turn right and go straight.

 

"will you borrow me your tractor?"

It's
May I borrow your tractor?
Will you lend me your tractor?

 

She's one of those blockormores... She looks good from a block or more away...

 

I'll kick you in the ass so hard you can wear it like a hat.

 

From my dad:

"It's like wiping your ass with a hula-hoop. There's no end to this shit."

 

When holding the dumb end of the tape measure I was informed..."You can be replaced by a brick."

 

My FIL always has me hold the end, gets out to where he wants to be and asks me "What do you have on your end?"
I fell for it once.

 

Looks good from far, but far from good.