Hey man, slow down and think.

You are good rare person <3

 

I'm one of those people that sort of goes this every once in a while. Like out of nowhere the thought just slams into me like a rogue wave and I have to mentally fight it off.

By all metrics I have a good life but it's always been there in the back of my mind. Lurking.

I really cant even explain it.

I think currently the biggest reasons that I don't is because of my sons and how I see how they absolutely depend on me and I won't let them down.

 

And if you do end it, they'll very likely perceive it as their own miserable failure.

I hope I scared the shit out of you....

 

1 hour. Gotta get through it. I'm sure anyone on here will give you a number to call if you need an extra voice in your head arguing against it.

That fucking hour can suck. I've given in once and spent some time locked down and 3 months in psych rehab as a result. I feel justified in saying that I know how it feels and finding an unbiased ear to talk to can make all the difference in the world. I'll give my number to anyone on the beeb who wants to talk to a middle aged dork who has been there and understands.

 

Think of it this way. It isn't that they want to die, they're just too tired to keep living.
The tiredness that you feel with clinical depression is tough to deal with.

 

I’ll one up you. I’ll give my number to anyone on the beeb who wants to talk to a middle aged dork who hasn’t been there and doesn’t understand, but can keep you on the phone, making you explain it to him in more ways than you could possibly imagine, giving the guys with the butterfly nets time to get to you.

I can’t claim to be unbiased either, but I can certainly listen without judgment. As an added plus, I’ve been working on my “STFU and listen, this isn’t about you” skills, so I won’t be offering up unsolicited opinion or suggestions.

Worst comes to worst, I’ll send you pictures of my dog. The Lady Flufferbutt is a never-fail therapeutic tool!

 

JFC, next thing Dave K is going to offer a picture of his junk.

However, in all seriousness, you all kick ass. I'm here for anyone, just as you all have been here for me.

 

Bump because I got another call.

Hey, parents of teen athletes, college students and teens in general, the slippery slope can happen fast. Especially in these F@cked up times. Talk to your kids!

Can't have the conversation? Give them this link. Follow them for your kid's on instagram. As a parent, read through this website.

https://www.morgansmessage.com/

They don't want your money , it's not trap flapping to get a percentage, click baiting or any of that shit. I see these people on a daily basis and they corner low.

 

Sorry Dave. In times like these, it's more important than ever to talk about it. Especially when the face to face therapy which keeps people on the right side of wanting to see what tomorrow holds is deemed too risky to be worthwhile.

For those who don't get it, depression is like being crushed by a weight you can't hold. Imagine the most tired you've ever been, the most embarrassed, and the most heartbroken. Then add them all together and go try to communicate with people who have no idea that you're in pain. When I say pain, I do mean physical pain. I can't describe what it feels like but it hurts so much you want to scream and rage and smash shit, but you don't have the energy.

Maybe if you're really lucky some ignorant cunt like me will come along and tell you to eat right and exercise and everything gets better. I used to believe that, until karma provided me with a brain injury that got me up close and personal with the effects. I was nearly compelled to write a letter of apology to everyone I ever preached to.

Depression is real. You don't suck it up, you don't exercise it out, and having money and friends won't cure it. Your friends are less likely to fix your depression than a barista is likely to fix your transmission. You need professional help. Psychiatrists and Psychologists can help, but only if you ask for it and do the work of finding one who cares.

 

All of this.

I wouldn't wish a true anxiety attack on anyone.

 

I would only add that --- you don't care enough to "get better". you don't care enough to get or ask for help. that is the trap.

 

Or feel like you deserve to get help or get better.

(Spoken from the outside looking in, and based on my experiences with people who suffer with these challenges)

 

Bingo.

 

Sorry to hear Dave K.

Had a good friend take his life on 9/3. Never would've imagined. No one knows exactly why. He did serve in the Army overseas in the mid-late 90's early 00's, so wonder if he'd had some PTSD.

 

Yes, the final decision is the individual.
BUT.

The circumstances that drives them there are often not purely on that individual. Psychological, sexual, or physical abuse. PTSD, various mental illnesses, self-medication with drugs, gaslighting, the severe unkindness of others, and other actions by the individual and those around them drive them right up there to the edge. - That feeling that there is no way out of your predicament.

As a bystander/friend, its not your fault. Unless you have contributed to the pain by being unkind.

When the darkness surrounds you and closes in, you become convinced that the world and everyone you care about would be better off without you. This process usually takes a few weeks. [It is one of the biggest RED FLAGS you might encounter - get help now.] Ending it becomes the most logical, direct solution to the issues you face. Once that darkness fully encloses you, you are at the point you aren't capable of asking for help. If you don't ask for help / get some help before the enclosure is complete, its about to go down.

Once the darkness/emptiness fully encloses you, its too late. There is no speck of light left.

And then you are at go time. At this point, only someone interrupting you in the act will stop you.

I'm still around because the nerd in me was calculating impact force and then trying to decide if that was good enough to finish me at once. I wasn't sure a four story header onto concrete would be enough to finish me. E=MV. What is the impact velocity of a 80Kg mass falling at 15M? How many Newtons does it take to crush the skull / brain? I didn't want to survive. 46 years ago, my roommate came in early and interrupted me while I was doing the mental calculations. And he didn't allow me to be alone for several weeks until I stabilized.

If you find the darkness closing in on you, GET HELP NOW! Don't wait. Don't think you can still climb out of the mental sink-hole alone. Don't worry about being a bother to others, or about their scorn. If the first person you call doesn't help, call another (this is the hardest part). Or call the suicide hotline. 800-273-8255

 

After a lot of truly tragic shit happened to me when I was a younger adult in a short period of time it kind of broke me. For the last 15 years I’d wake up every single and walk over to my bathroom, place my gun on the sink and stare at myself for a while, trying to think of a reason not to do it. Then I’d think of a good one, and I’d go about my day. It wasn’t until I met my current woman that I’ve stopped doing this. It’s something I kept to myself all these years. Some people just fight their own battles and refuse to ask for help. And sometimes they lose. Sometimes the pain and emptiness is too much. And I can sympathize.
My friend Amanda killed herself recently. It makes me so angry.

 

Thank you, beac's roommate!

 

Werd.

Beac, if you ever begin to feel that way again, call any of us...well maybe not Kenny or Pickled Egg.

 

I was royally pissed at him for this. I didn't ever say thank you. I lost track of him after that semester ended. So If you run across a ~67-68 year old named Dave Shales who grew up in Rockford, IL. Tell him thanks for me.

 

If I ever run across him, I will thank him for me. You can do as you like.