What to say to a kid about his dead beat Dad?

This is the kind of situation child psychologists are trained in. If you want to do this right, consult one before the issue comes up. And certainly don't let it go or lie about any part of it. Someone will fill him in sooner or later.

 

Don't buy this info man.

My sons sperm donor went 10 years behind. He is now 16 and we fought tooth and nail for me to get legal adoption . He never visits , but will show up in court quickly to fight me on adopting him. Good thing my kid put a restraining order on him so atleast we don't have to deal with the bullshit drama no more.


Piece of shit only has to pay 130.00 a month and is over 13k in back child support still owed.


When my kid turns 18 I am going to legally change his last name to mine. Just sux sperm donor doesn't want to see him nor pay child support, but won't let go of his parental rights



When my kid was old enough I didn't bad mouth the sperm donor. I just told him if he wanted to come by that he could at anytime. I would give him sperm donors number and let him call him on his own . He is 16 and on his own learned that sperm donor is a worthless piece of shit.

 

How is it he shows up to court and doesn't get arrested right away? I have no use for shit hole parents (fathers and mothers) that don't pay their child support. I am divorced and while I would love to have the $700 a month I pay to play with, I have no issue paying it. Hell, I paid child support for my oldest and I didn't have to by law because he was technically my stepson. You just do what you have to do to take care of your family. Sideshow, you are a good man and a great example to your son as to what a man really is.

 

There are inheritence implications that vary by state if the child is adopted. Consult an estate attorney before doing so. The kid could be excluded from inheriting his biological father's stuff if you adopt him.

Not saying that should be the deciding factor, but it's A factor.

 

really? Doesnt sound like bio-dad has a pot to shit in. What is he going to pass onto the kid? An exit strategy if he knocks up a girl? A secret notebook on how to live in denial when you get a girl preggo?

 

turbo, that dude is a lawyer in training. he cant help it.

the adoption will show how much skin in the game the bio-dad has. if the kid is lucky at all, and it seems he is, the bio-dad will see the adoption as an escape and take the bait. the only issue i could see is the deadbeat's parents getting involved. that would be a bigger mess than a concern for inheriting deadbeat dad's awesome collection of wife beaters and beer cans.

 

Maybe bio dad doesn't have anything to leave 'his' son, but what about bio-dad's parents?

Say they have a decent chunk of change, and leave it to bio dad, who then boozes himself to death 6 months later.

Consult an estate attorney. Adopting a child may eliminate their right to inherit from or 'through' their biological parent. Or if bio dad dies tomorrow, and the grandparents die without a will next summer, adopting the kid could prevent him from inheriting from the grandparents. Laws vary by state. It's just something to consider.

Someone also mentioned that their son's bio dad shows up in court to contest legal adoption, but they'll be changing his name when he's 18. You can still legally adopt an adult (rather than just changing his name). It's allowed explicitly for inheritance purposes.

of course you can avoid 99.9% of issues by having a will drafted, but in situations like that described by the OP, he can't force bio-dad to draft a will. Preserving the ability to inherit is just a factor to consider.

 

i'm glad somebody understands :P

and i'm not trying to tell anyone what to do; only point out the implications of their decisions so they make the best choice for themselves and the child.

It's not a stretch at all to think that filing legal papers to be "dad" is more important to everyone involved than any money bio dad does or doesn't have to offer.

 

yes they can, but they have to spell it out in the will. If they dont, it automatically goes to the POS dad, and he doesnt have to part with any of it. They have to specifically name the grandkid in the will with specifics, or he wont see a thing of it. BTDT, unfortunately.

 

yea, thats what i thought in my situation too. unfortunately, that wasnt the case. In my case, they "assumed" the other party would do the right thing, after all, it was "his son". It didnt happen, and in the state of GA, a will is basically incontestable.

 

holy contingencies :wow:

 

Actually, yes there is. I can tell you two different ways of getting out of it.

1) Give your child up for adoption

2) Leave the child then go into hiding with various family members. Don't forget to work under the table the entire time while the state looks for you.


I speak from plenty of experience on this topic because my biological father gave me up to the man that walked out on my mother when I was 9.


tito - I don't know your situation but the only advice I can offer based on my personal experience is to not bring it up if the kid isn't asking questions. I'm not suggesting that you avoid the topic completely but really, there is likely little to no good that will come out of it if you decide to have a heart-to-heart with this child at his age. In other words, continue to instill proper values in him and let things take their course. The child will garner knowledge and ask questions as maturity develops.


Regardless of how you approach this, you are a true man in my book.

:up:

 

+1000, It is tough taking up the slack for a POS that walks out on his kid. But I can tell you that it is more then worth it. Just remember that the child doesn't deserve having a POS for a father, and with you there he never will have one. It is easy to be a father, it is hard to be a Dad. Good on you Dad.:up:

 

I found out that my Dad wasn't my Father when I was 9yrs old. He was the only one I knew as a Dad/Father... He had been around since I was 3. It hit me pretty hard for about a week... that's all.

My Mom broke the news one day while watching TV and playing with hot wheels. lol "You ever wonder why you have black hair and your Dad has red hair?" lol Not the best way to break the news but it worked. My Dad would just try to sit down and talk to me each day to let me know how much he loved me and all. Let me know that I was a great kid and my real Father was missing out etc. My Mom did the same for a while.

Apparently my real Father was an abusive POS. I never had the urge to meet him as a child. I really only thought deeply about it after I had my first daughter. I just couldnt understand how someone could step away from their kid...regardless of how hard the current situation was. Some people aren't meant to be Moms and Dads....just Fathers and Mothers biologically.

I still have a great relationship with both of my parents and have still never met my birth Father.

 

That was a bit of a tough way to do it. I am sure that your mother and father had some good long talks about it. It sounds like you had two people that truly loved you. Good on your Dad and Mom.

 

you sure you didnt meet him at Jennings 2 weeks ago? I keed, i keed.... :up: