My Woman.......the airhead.

My wife is the coolest person I've ever known. She's inelligent, funny, witty, loving, caring, the whole nine yards. She's always smiling, and has never met a stranger. She runs Our household of four with smooth efficiency. She makes sure that Myself, and Her evil minions, are fed, clothed, and sent off every day to work and school with big smoodgy kisses. She keeps Our house so clean, You can basically sit food down anywhere in the house, including floors, and eat it. She does have one minor flaw though: She....She....at times.....ain't the brightest bulb in the chandelier IF You know what I'm saying.

The other morning I was sitting in My drawers (for all You slow Yankee types, 'drawers' is underwear in Southern speak. Please try to keep up) eating a bowl of Frosted Flakes while watching 'Sportscenter'. The Woman came from the back of the house where She'd been cleaning Our bathroom. She was toting this big container thing that She keeps all her cleaning crap in. I noticed as She walked by, that She had My bottle of spray wax that I use for the cars and bike (wax makes bikes go faster). I stopped Her to ask Her about it and this conversation took place...

Me: Why do You have My wax?
Her: Ooh! I saw this thing on the internet-
Me: Oh dear God-
Her: Shut up. Anyway, it said to use car wax on shower walls to help the water slide better. It helps prevent mold.
Me: That's actually not a bad idea.
Her: You're damned straight. After I got done waxing it, it looked so good, I decided to do the whole tub.
Me: WAIT A MINUTE! You mean just the tub sides and the top part right?
Her: No. Everything. The bottom, sides, everything. I even did the faucet handles. Everything is spotless.

It was at this point that I paused to listen to My brain before I yelled out something like 'DUMBASS!'. The right side of My brain, the normal side, the side that goes to work and pays bills and stuff, was saying to calmly and gently show Her the errors of Her ways. The LEFT side of My brain, the evil side, the side that drinks beer and says smart-assed stuff, told Me to shut the eff up because there was soon to be some good entertainment.

Me: Great job babe.

A little while later She informed Me that She was going shopping and was getting in the shower. I told Her ok and went back to watching Sportscenter (I did pause to watch Her walk off though. She has a nice backside. It's all jiggly like them gals in those rap videos). I waited about a minute and turned the sound down. Even through a few walls I could still hear the shower curtain slide open then closed. Then I heard......

KUHKLUNK! "OW! GEE DEE IT!"

then...

KlackKLUNK! "OW! EFF!"

then....

KUHKLUNKKLUNK! "OW! GEE DEE IT!"



You can't make this up.




The end.

 

Pics of the jiggly backside....

 

So, how long did she thunk around in there before she got out?

 

Although rather amusing, that's nothing meathead!

A couple yrs back we had purchased a new mbr set, well, we had a 32" crt TV to put in the brand new bureau. As most of you know those aren't exactly light to begin with, anyhow, I notice how dusty the back of the set is so I ask her to clean it before I set it into the bureau. So in all her infinite wisdom what does my wonderful spouse of 17+yrs use to clean it unbeknownst to me?

Pledge.






Yep, bought a new TV a few days later and it just missed banging up our brand new piece of furniture.

 

And you call Yankees slow...

 

I'm crying over here. We're definitely keeping the new guy.

 

He does spin a good yarn.

 

make sure she doesn't use armor all on your motorcycle seat...

 

That's fuckin awesome. New guy can stay for sure. lol

 

This thread is good for lulz

 

Someone should contact her and tell her to armorall his whole bike. Tires, seats and everything

 

Here's the next thread from the OP:

 

Could our wives be related? Mine did grow up in Easley, SC.

 

You've got it easy. Mine grew up in Berea.

 

Does she like Mexican?

 

It just must be women in general. I use to have a truck we would take to shows every so often. Well Iam cleaning and a friend stops to chat,My wife (so helpful that she is) decides hey Ill help and start cleaning the windows. I can kinda see her and kinda not. After 5 min or so It catches my eye that she is scrubing a window really hard and fast.
So Iam looking at her and wondering what she is doing when she happen to bend down and grab the bottle of what she thought was window cleaner, and only then did she relize she had just cleaned the window with black magic tire shine . The look on her face was priceless.

 

Funny, but kinda dangerous.