Just found out the wife ran up some serious credit card debt

Also, my wife has also done this in the past, but on a smaller scale. Still, I was pissed, she accepted accountability and we moved on.

I'd also make the counter argument to some on here earlier in this thread that said this is her problem, and should be hers to fix. If she got into this mess because she had to manage the household finances on her own, it means she needs help. I'd guess you benefited from some of those expenses, so now it's time for you to work together to 1) get out of the hole and 2) find a new system for managing finances.

It'll be hard. It's supposed to be. You can do it.

 

Trying to get the kids all they want in this day/age is a rough deal. I know some of these activities are very costly. Doesn't seem like it was nefarious, like buying LV bags and $500 bottles of perfume.

I don't think anyone/wife needs to be "taught a hard lesson". Just get back on track together and see what you can do together. She probably already feels terrible.

 

These guys are high as a kite. No wonder the divorce thread is booming.

sorry homie, that’s YOUR wife, you’re accountable just us much as she is. Remember when you vowed to become one? You both hunker down and attack the debt equally. Not because you have to, but because you love your wife and want to. That’s the whole dang point of marriage.

I’ve been through this, massive amount of debt and then the medical bills came in from car accidents and my wife’s kidney surgery’s from medical issues. Know what I did? Tightened my belt and got to work with my wife to clear our debt and enjoy life on the same damn team. Too many people don’t treat marriage for what it’s supposed to be.

 

The irony is that she has a great job, earns much more than me in fact. Extremely detail oriented, gets along with her work peers, bosses always love her and her work, gets promotions/raises etc. But when it comes to personal finance, she's a train wreck. Oh, and she's got an accounting degree and works in the banking industry. I have a finance degree also. (I'll open the flood gates for the impending jokes) We are the poster children for stupid financial behavior.

 

Ehh..so not nefarious in its creation then if you weren't helping and paying attention some of the blame lands on you. I'm guilty of that one too. Hunker down, cut the spending, get on the same page budget wise and you'll come out the other side better off.

 

Yeah, hopfully this thread makes a lot of you feel better about your situations. It's pretty sobering in fact. But, I try and remind myself that (KNOCK ON WOOD, repeatedly) we have our health, our kids are healthy and doing relatively well in school and their activities. We don't have any over major vices like drug/alcohol abouse, infidelity etc. Despite the insane debt, it could be a lot worse for us.

 

100% my fault for not paying attention at all. I was lazy, she "handled" all the finances, paying the bills etc and I turned a blind eye.

 

This one is tough. I go back and forth on it. All 4 are older 90's sport bikes that I owned when I was in my heyday of riding and mean a lot. They are all in extremely good condition (not perfect by any means) and had to travel at least 4-8 hours one way to acquire. The big problem is if I sold them they would be extremely hard if not impossible to replace without spending thousands. If they were newish motorcycles and easily replaceable they would be gone yesterday. I'd say total value of all 4 is around 20K. I'm leaning towards the opinion of working harder to just come up the money instead of liquidating them.

 

is transferring the balance of a few cards, or even 1, to a card with zero interest for "__ months" actually taking on debt ? Not sure about taking on a home loan, or refinancing the current mtg unless you were already at a higher rate than it's climbed to in the past 9 months.. (from historic lows). And there would be the cost of the home refi, unless lowering the interest by nearly 2 points, some would say not worth it, especially if you have been paying on the loan for 10 years, and a large portion of your current payment is principal now, not nearly all interest like in the first 5 years or so. but transferring to a zero interest card? i don't see how that would be a bad thing...

 

Always look forward to your advice Venom, I do appreciate it. If there is a silver lining it is that hopefully our kids can learn from this as well and understand they CAN NOT ever go down the road we have. I have both their dirt bikes up for sale and they are aware. (my daughter outgrew her 50 two years ago, so that one isn't a huge deal)

 

And it will be a lot better. Time to pay the piper. Get on a budget. Talk about it. Work as a team (someone can pay the bills but BOTH need to be aware of the costs/bills). Hug the wife and move on to work and better times. Sounds like you have a big shovel which will help.

No but it is not paying off any either. A weekend job of delivering pizza will make more toward the fix than playing interest games. Shoot if there is no kids they could deliver at the same place for the month and make it a game. Might be able to tag a grand or so in a month. Even if the number is large a couple of months of that lowers the total which helps interest. It also give time to redo household costs to lower them. I am betting if they work together they can change effective income by 2-3K a month. Start paying down the mistake and every month doing that you gain speed.

Best part is you do that for a bit then keep going a bit longer to have an emergency fund so you don't go back into debt because of '____' problem. Tough times but I bet a couple years from now they look back from a position of strength in money and relationship if they do it right.

 

Fortunately we don't have any car payments. I drive an old 99' 4Runner but it's in great condition and pretty reliable, still. Her SUV is probably worth 10K.

 

The best thing about this, is that you are talking to your kids about it.

I grew up in a union family and we went out on strike two different times for over a year each time. So my sister and I were extremely aware of all family expenses, how much mom and dad made and how much all the bills were.

I think that really helped me in adulthood and my wife and I did the same with our kids.

 

You are spot on BJ, appreciate it buddy. My wife made the decision to put all these expenses/charges on credit cards and simply run them up while paying the minimum payments. Just stupid decisions and that is on her. But, some of the stuff she purchase I'm sure I benefited from as well plus I didn't take the initiative to be intimately involved in our finances. Just pure laziness on my part. I've since taken 100% control of our finances, it will all be on me from here on out.

 

I can't tell you how often we discuss with other folks about why knowledge about how to use and deal with money was never passed on from our parents. We never had money discussions around our house beyond "if you want something get and work for it." Turns out as you get older you learn why. My parents were terrible at it. Pops always worked his ass off and Mom always did what she could when we were in school but they both sucked at managing it. I don't ever recall going without the necessities, but I do remember vividly that anytime outside of school activities I was where my father was and that more often than not was at work. Dad passed away still in debt to the IRS and Mom relies on us to some degree to get by and stays close to my sisters.

I think it is incredibly important to teach them well and teach them early because I know I'd have been a lot better off if I had the tools and knowledge to be better at it earlier. I also know their financial future is just going to be more expensive than ours as no one seems to be ready to tackle the problems of the ever-increasing costs of daily life. But they sure do get bombarded with commercials for credit cards and credit scores all the time. They need to understand that both of those aren't working for them but very much are working to enslave them.

 

Yes I would be careful about this. From foregoing, sounds like your wife got overwhelmed and at a certain point was too embarrassed to say anything, made more so because she and you both have acumen in the field. This may be a blessing for you both, to learn to work together, if you have faith and trust in one another. Everyone fucks up.

In the meantime, if you liquidate any of those bikes, be as certain as you can be that you will not look back with regret. Permanent solution to a temporary problem is not the way to go, and can lead to resentment. And absolutely have your wife’s buy in.

You both have a lot of tools in your toolboxes, use them, together. Best wishes!

 

It definitely is and we are guilty of this. We spend way too much on Christmas and birthdays but otherwise we don't usually buy them much throughout the year. Daughter plays travel soccer, that's easily 4K a year with travel expenses. Her violin lessons are $322/month. My son is younger so his activities are far cheaper but still probably $1000/year. It adds up quick and is very time consuming but there is a lot of enjoyment that goes with it.

 

Thank you for this, I took your advice and signed up for this card last night. Balance transferred $3K last night to 0% interest for 21 months. That's saving us $70/month in interest right there. Also sold some stuff this past week and paid off another card with a balance of $1450 last night as well so made a little progress there. Just gotta keep it up for the long haul. Thank again for the heads up.

 

This ONLY makes sense if you correct the problem of how the debt got run up in the first place. This is only one part of the equation and the easiest one to correct. If you chose this route and the debt gets ran up AGAIN....you are screwed even worse. You need to correct the problem that caused this in the first place before doing anything. I divorced my problem and have been great since...seems harsh...but life is much better.

 

Yeah but what’s the total payout on that 40k over the life of the loan. I also would not be wanting to pay out and extra 400 for the next 30 years.


I’m sorry to say this but in a situation where your spouse has deliberately and secretively kept financial spending to this degree from you, divorce is on the table, and here’s why…. Because she thought I was a sucker. If she’ll spend our/my money in that secretive way then she won’t hesitate to find someone else to support her habits when I’m not looking.