Another divorce thread(financial ?)

and 48. Best of luck to you, Jim

 

The home is the only bone of contention, sell it quick and split it. Your credit should still be good and with your income you can find another place. Don't feel bad leaning on and moving in with family... that is what family is for and I'm sure they would be more than happy to house you during your transition period. Plus not having to live with your ex's ghosts in your former marital home will do wonders for your mental health. Sell, split, move forward. There is no room for a lateral move in divorce.

 

Thank you again so much guys. I haven't considered ditching the house until this point but it would definitely bring a huge financial weight off my shoulders. Not paying the utilities alone would certainty allow me to afford more legal fees if necessary and I could easily wipe out the car loan if she has to help with the mortgage while its on the market.

This still blows tremendously but you guys have really openned my eyes and I dont feel as stuck even if only slightly.

Aaron Ill definitely hit you up.

 

Another thought for you Jim.

Very good friend went through a similar situation 5 years ago. Only difference was that his ex worked various jobs during the marriage. Friend got a crappy lawyer and ex got a good one. Settlement ended up that he had to pay her 110K in 90 days. He decided to keep the house and raid his 401. And he was only married to this woman for 3 years.

Fast forward to now...he met a fantastic gal 4 years ago who happened to have a good job and now he is stronger than ever financially and emotionally. He thinks the best decision he made was keeping the house.

 

Have you considered a line of credit as a mortgage?
The advantage is you have to pay only the interest every month.
No mortgage insurance, either. It's not a ton of savings, but could help.

 

Have you been paying the utilities out of your account the whole time? If so how does she offset from her money? That is if you each have your own accounts and pay separately. I may have misread though.

 

I would suggest you sell the house and split the proceeds, otherwise you will be giving her more than is due.

Look at it this way, say you own 100K on the house and it apprises for 120K, she will want 10K for her half. Now lets say you go the sell the house a year or two later and you actually get 120K for it. Well, once you pay the agent fees and closing costs you will be closer to 111-112K out of it. Add in the 10K equity loan you took out to pay her and now you will get 1-2K out of the house. Add in the 1-2 years work of interest on the 10K equity loan and you probably didn't make a penny. So you walk with nothing and she got 10K. sound fair?

If you sell it and split the proceeds, then you will just split that 11-12K. You each walk with 5-6K (based on my example numbers) and are done.

 

Wood chipper is the cheapest solution.....

 

sorry to hear Jim...

Here is another solution...get a personal loan at whatever rate for the house and pay her off, get her out of your life. THEN after she is off the deed probably quicker, and then get a Home Equity loan or whatever at a cheaper rate when you are the sole owner and then pay off your personal loan.

 

When Laura and I divorced she didn't want the house and I did. We didn't really have any equity to speak of so the divorce agreement required her to submit a quit claim deed in the county where we live. About a year later I refinanced without her on the new loan. With the QCD her signature wasn't needed. For our property in North Carolina she was required to submit a QCD and I paid her half of the equity in the property with monthly installments.

 

Something like this.

Why is it out of the question for you to essentially buy both halves of the house from the marriage? Unless you've been making huge payments or got a shorter term mortgage, you've probably not made much, if any headway on equity. Sure, you'll lose some on the re-fi, but not that much. You may even be able to get a better rate and save some money, or go longer term to be able to afford the payments while you're paying the lawyer.

 

Really, there probably is little to nothing to buy her out of.

 

If there is negative equity, she might owe him money

 

I will have my retainer together by the end of this week and I'm going to meet with the attorney next week to sign the contract and get this rolling full speed.

I temporarily cut my savings plan contributions, I got rid of everything except internet service as I only watch a few shows anyway and netflix will do just fine for a while. Also waiting to hear back from my student loan servicers about temporarily reducing my payments for a year. So Ive already freed up several hundred dollars, we'll see what happens with the loans.

I need to talk to the attorney about a lot of this stuff more indepth but you guys have really openned my eyes to a lot more options. And I honestly cant overstate my appreciation.

Ive been considering what to do with the house and I have another dilemma...my pups. Grandparents dont want them there, mom already has 2 and really doesnt want 2 more. It would be absolutely heart breaking to rehome them, but from a logical standpoint Id have more than enough money without the cost of the house to pay off all my other debt in realistically a year or two. Since Im really not speaking to my wife I dont know where she stands with them. She definitely loves them more than she loves me and as much as it would kill me to lose them at all Id be willing to let her have them...

Have I expressed how much this fucking sucks? I cant even imagine dealing with this if kids/more money was involved.

 

Hang in there man. It sounds like you're pretty level headed and going in the right direction.
In regards to your attorney, I would only talk about what needs to be said, and try to keep it short. They're good at being a shoulder to cry on, but at $100s of dollars an hour, the bill can rise quickly.
Good luck.

 

You hadn't mentioned puppies! Money comes second to puppies. Any solution you decide on requires you keeping them. I'd live in a van down by the river before I'd ever give up my puppies.

(This just spilled over from the other thread...., sorry)

 

Me too!

 

Hate to read about them, but ditto for me. Hopefully will still be of that mindset at 45 too

 

Doing the exact same thing in a contested divorce and it is costing a lot.

Get out while amicable

The scenario above is great.

YOU WILL HAVE TO REFINANCE.

I looked into the same idea to buy her out with a loan, BUT., to get her name OFF the mortgage, you have to refi.(unless your state laws are different)

Your best case. Get her to agree to half the refi cost out of the equity payments.

Hell< I just asked mine to help with the Vet bill of the dog (He is one of our kids too, but I kept him and she ran with the kids, she would have taken the dog too if the house she was renting allowed large dogs)

She refused to help with his vet bill, and was "surprised" i would ask her to.

 

It's not easy. I know exactly how you feel and what overwhelming feelings you're going through with making decisions about things you never wanted to. You've probably had everybody tell you it gets better but it pisses you off a little to have people tell you that who aren't going through it or never did. I am in the very final stages and its been about five months since divorce was filed and I feel a lot better than I did. Don't be afraid to open up about it with your closest friends. It helps. And things WILL get better. Try to keep your chin up and your shoulders back and just face one day at a time. Hope the best for ya bud.