Another divorce thread(financial ?)

Alright guys, I have a question for those of you who may understand/know better than me.

Short story...wife and I dated almost 5 years and we'll be married 2 years at the end of this month. Without going into full detail and verbally destroying her character I will simply say that the past 6 months have sucked. We've fought almost nonstop, Ive been willing to compromise in just about every way possible, suggested we go to a therapist, ANYTHING but basically it comes down to the fact that the life/goals I believe we agreed upon have basically gone out the window for her with no hope of salvaging it. A lot of friends/family wonder if her "points" arent simply a catalyst to get out of the marriage but thats not relevant to my discussion nor does it need rehashed.

The positives: we make the same amount of money, basically have the same 401k, no kids, nothing to really fight over except our house/belongings and a car loan. At this point she says refinance the car(I have been the primary driver from the start) and buy her out of the house, split our things and she will be gone. I saw an attorney a week ago and he agreed/pointed out that this is a best case scenario(if thats possible in a divorce haha...). Spousal support, alimony, savings/retirement should have no place in the conversation due to our time married and parallel incomes.

Im doing backflips getting the money together to retain the attorney, because Ive been paying ALL of the billsmad for a household which was being supported by 2 incomes. Im making it and have been figuring out where I can save/cut back but it doesnt leave much room for buying her out of the mortgage.

Ive tried to do some research and google is lackluster on the topic, my big question is would it be viable to take a home equity loan in only my name in order to buy her out? We bought a small house about 3 years ago(pre-marital), and I figure I should realistically only owe her $5-6k for a buyout. I was reading that she would have to agree to this since her name is on the deed but she wouldnt bare responsibility for repaying the loan if I take it out only in mine. I could certainly try to get a private loan but it would be a miracle to get one with a lower APR than my mortgage is and I dont want another monthly payment if I can help it.

If you guys have any other suggestions Im all ears. At this point I feel stuck, feel like shes benefiting from a credit standpoint as I continue to pay bills she shares responsibility for. I have no desire to take this to court, Id be surprised if she can even afford an attorney without help from her parents(her school loans are atrocious but thankfully she had those long before we were an item). No desire to attack/hurt her financially, I just want her uprooted from my life so I can move on...

Any insight is greatly appreciated

 

I am doing exactly that at the moment. My wife wants half of most everything but I am in the house and keeping it. We agreed on a dollar amount and once I signed off on that I was able to sell my truck and cash out a smallish 401k. The rest of the money which is about 30,000, I am getting through an equity loan. If you do a mortgage you pay the fees and such all over again. Equity is the way to go for me since the house was paid for. If you can do it this way then good.

 

I would say to get it done as fast as you can. Sometimes people start out with a peaceful plan, then an outside influence convinces someone to hang around and fight. Get a personal loan or a home equity loan (if she agrees to that) and move on. Or if she would agree to it, create a contract and make payments to her (last resort).

 

Any reason why selling the property and finding something else isn't an option?

Sounds like financially you'll be on the ropes with your current expenditures. Losing one mouth to feed is less savings than what her income brought, I suspect.

Downsizing to recover may be a good strategery.

 

Cut that shit loose and find something else.

 

Dern theres no real reason I/we couldnt sell the house but I honestly just like my neighborhood, have put a fair amount of work into it, have a nice yard I fenced in for my pups but truthfully it'd just be my desire to stay here. I could go live with my mom or grandparents for a while but that would feel pretty shameful at 27 years old. I could definitely sell the car for a beater again and thats something I have strongly considered.

We are both RNs as of last June which more than doubled our income and we caught up on a lot of stuff over the past year. Ironically enough we had finally got to a point where we were comfortable and going to start hitting our debts hard, then "shit happens".

I greatly appreciate the advice so far guys. I will give the house more thought.

 

Pride doesn't pay the bills. Swallow it and make moves to ensure your financial viability moving forward.

 

Yo!
I've been through this in Pennsylvania and the advice your attorney gave you seems on point. As far as the loan situation I'm goin to PM you my number so text or call me.


Ride safe,
AAron

 

Sorry you are going through this.And really glad no kids are involved!! Hang in there man.

 

I'm with the 'foo.

You've got 7 years+ of your life invested with this woman. You've got more to do deal with than just the financials...and if you can relieve yourself of the financial difficulties/struggles, you'll have more "resources" to deal with the inevitable emotional baggage.

Simplify and regroup. :up:

 

I understand that it's hard to do, but you have to take the emotion out of your dealings and treat it as a business transaction. Basically a 50/50 split of joint assets - figure out what that is, make the deal and get down the road as quickly as possible. If it drags out, it just gets uglier and costlier.... been there - good luck.

 

If you can sell the car and get out without adding debt do it. A car doesn't define you and you'll likely be happier without the debt. Good luck

 

+ a million. You swallow that shit and do what you need to. To quote Marcellus Wallace - "Pride never helps, it only hurts"

I've been there. Wish I would have taken this advice.

 

I say get out of the house and the debt. Get a beater truck, go live with the grandparents (we need to take care of our elderly, so you would be doing a good thing there), then spend all of your available time and money going racing because that is where your support group is.

Simple answer - Go racing!!!!

 

Gawd...stories like this make me thankful to never have been married in my life, even at 45 .

Good luck man.

 

Leaning towards those saying to cut your losses and regroup, but if you're really attached to the home and seeing you have a good relationship with mom and doesn't really sound like the buy out will be too crazy.....can mom/family maybe provide you with a buy out loan?

 

Fuck money and all that shit, just do what is write for you man. Know one on here knows you like you know you

 

I don't get why people say to start over and "get out of debt" by letting everything go and starting over. So go out and deal with higher prices, mortgage fees, moving all your shit, and on and on and on? If you like the house you're in and can swing it with a home equity loan, then do just that. I don't know why people think its necessary to get rid of a perfectly fine house in a divorce if you don't have to or want to. Like as if you're going to be all emotional about living there or some shit. Who the fuck cares if she lived there with you but is gone now? Keep the house. You will be glad you did.

 

Fwiw, I divorced after an 8 yr marriage(1 son, 1 step daughter, both working). I borrowed the $ and bought her out on the home(paid $28k for it in 84). Also got full custody of our 6yr old son. We both lived in the old house happily-ever-after for 15 more yrs. Sold it at the peak (after paying it off) for $145k.

 

I'm going to agree with the people saying to move fast while things are less contentious.

I divorced with two kids. We split things pretty much 50/50 including custody of the kids. I refinanced the house and I stayed in it. I gave her half the equity in the house and she used it to buy a house. If it would have dragged on longer, I think it would have been worse/more expensive.

With no kids, it's a hell of a lot easier. Just make a decision and do it!