A serious question for the assembled cast…

Sorry to hear that you (and more importantly your daughters) are dealing with this, and on behalf of the rest of the forum would like to thank you in advance for continuing to be a moron in other threads

 

Well, when in the midst of the George Floyd “peaceful protests”, VS files a motion with the court telling them I’m a racist and am indoctrinating my kid into racism, while the case was presided over by a black judge no less (he got some camera time a little while ago on a different case involving the local activist DA and a hand slap on a carjacking cum murder participant), it’s kinda hard to see yourself having tea and discussing the merits of double bubble windscreens in supersport classes.

And forget about leading VS towards “the truth”…she denied that her habitual criminal drug abusing sister that she charged with watching the children was driving them around with a cancelled (not suspended, not revoked…cancelled, which one gets for being “inimical to public safety), despite me presenting her with a certified copy of her driving record that was obtained that day.

I only got it to stop by sending the 5-0 to VS’s Casa Scheissehole to confront her about it…which of course made me the villain once again, as the drama turned up to 11 and I was told that my sending the cops there threaten VS with eviction for having a cop knock on the door…

So contact with her is on an as-needed, in-writing-only basis, unless she’s on the witness stand smearing her mascara with crocodile tears.

As for decisions about the children, I leave her 1000% alone to do what she wants with them. VS, however, seems to believe that controlling my time with them is “in their best interests”, despite five years of traveling all over the country with them with nary an incident, she now is “entitled” to know every detail of where we go, where we stay, and even what route we take.

So yeah, I don’t think VS needs any further involvement in my time with my kids.

 

Thanks.

Already got some comeuppance, which I can’t comment on due to impending legal action.

 

I want it to be “no way”.

You know you’re over the enemy when you start taking flak.

Establishing and enforcing a boundary with a narc is sure to send tracers your way.

 

Look, I’m not gonna change my fun-loving, smartass persona.

And don’t worry, I won’t make a habit of being serious…

 

Sounds like your kids will find out all on their own who the shitbag whackjob is. You won't even have to tell them.

You just need a bit more time and for their brains to develop a bit more.

In the meantime raise them well and take them to things they'll always remember.

 

A child who has inherited a stable mental state will always see the truth, in time. Let's hope that this is the case in your situation. Meanwhile, just listen to what they have to say.

 

Egg, my heart goes out to you and I appreciate and recognize your ability to use a different set of parameters to engage in shitposting compared to the serious topics… that’s what sets some of us apart from the rest of the heathens I used to worry about being taken seriously when talking about technology and or concussion recovery or genetics or anything of value really but then I realized nobody reads past the second line of my posts anyway so I can just type it out for therapeutic purposes or to make myself laugh

 

Having seen this kind of situation in my family, I might suggest that your girls need to be reinforced in the understanding that there will only be two constant support people in their lives, you and each other. Until the younger one is able to see her mother for what she is, she will continue to be able to e manipulated by VS. Unfortunately, an unbalanced and narcissistic parent is able to manipulate a child pretty easily by leveraging the good in said child and her willingness to please her mother to the detriment of herself, her sibling and you. Not that it needs to be said, but documenting each and every one of these events will only be to your advantage when the next legal interaction takes place. Given the bias of the courts, you will need every advantage that you have to avoid being the bad guy. That is where good objective observations of the behavior of the kids allong with dates and times will be of the utmost importance. Being able to show, through anecdotal reports, a pattern of abuse and poor parenting will be helpful, especially if you want to try and get sole/primary custody. I think what VS has posted on here documenting her physical and behavioral health issues might put you in a better position, especially as the children achieve the age of choice in their living arrangement.

Good luck with this.

 

It’s exactly that realization that’s lead to the latest escalation.

Can’t comment further on that til the courts do their job.

 

Repairing the damaged mental state is the current objective.

One is recovering quite nicely.

The other is being used to further the damage, which of course is damaging to the “ally” (nee pawn).

And +1 to listening to them, and actually hearing them.

I finally succeeded in getting the pro help my eldest has needed for a long time. There’s a “caregiver” component that I’m required to attend. Last one had some seriously disturbing accounts from another parent on their child’s behavior

I wanted to scream “your kid is trying to tell you something, and you’re just not listening! Stop punishing them for “acting out” when they’re screaming at you and you’re screaming back at them, they’re trying to express something to you they can’t make you understand and your reactions are only pushing them farther away!”

 

I got nothin. But kudos to you for showing integrity and compassion. Hopefully positive reinforcement is more appealing to your kids than drama.

 

TL;EAD.

 

Everybody keep in mind VS is reading everything in this thread.

 

Thanks man… knew I could count on you for some more laughs

 

Everybody in this thread knows VS is a fictional character for discussion and entertainment.

 

Thanks Ken.

You’re absolutely right about the courts and their bias against the truth. Sob stories sell in family court, and the rules are anything but evenly applied.

I can certainly understand how some people “give up” at the futility of fighting a psychotic ex and an indifferent at best, complicit at worst court system.

Fortunately for my daughters, I’m not smart enough to know when I’m licked, and I’m going to keep fighting for their best interests, no matter whose feelings get hurt over it.

 

If I gave a damn about that, I wouldn’t have started it.

Sunlight disinfects, and I’m through with letting the sores fester in the dark.

 

And to your prior message, it was reading all yours and everyone else’s posts on the psilocybin thread that really gave me the final nudge to post this.

I’m really heartened to see the willingness of this squad of grizzled old farts and cantankerous bastards to consider alternatives to the “typical” courses of treatment for concussions, TBI, etc. It shouldn’t surprise me, especially those of us who didn’t grow up with a semi full of bikes, spares, mechanics and “life coaches” to get us through a race weekend… that seeking effective results versus “well it works on paper” solutions would sell so well here.

Delving into the psychological side of human behavior has never been high on my priority list, but while this endeavor has been undertaken out of necessity, I have to admit a fascination with it, especially seeing disparate results from “conventional wisdom” and “actually relating to your children on their level”.

Funniest message I ever received from VS was when she chastised me that my eldest wouldn’t appreciate me when she learns I’ve only equipped her to function at an 8th grade level…

We’ll see, won’t we?

 

I could have written that to the exact word yesterday myself.
The mindfuckery of my 17 son and my 15 daughter is epic
Luckily my 17 is seeing the truth on his other parent, and gaining understanding of Dads efforts through his willingness to see a private counselor.
My 15 is hurt, angry, defiant and unwilling. But also seeking a hero to pop out of the sack of skin she calls her "mom" but is regularly left disappointed and hurt.

My ex wont talk to me, cooperate with me makes every effort to undo everything I've done and am trying to do for my kids. This includes pitting them against each other.
Sending each's private text to the other. And continually breaking me down in front of them. They tell me all of it because they trust me. on top of the theft, well visits she calls to the PD on me and yelling at me infront of them in public.

I tried for 4 years to work with my ex after our divorce. 3.98 years too long. Call it a character flaw of mine. I hate giving up. I hate losing. I'm all kinds of stubborn like that. Its been 5 years now and I finally stopped a year ago.
My advice- become a gray rock in a sea of gray rocks to her. Don't talk to her unless absolutely necessary and then only about the kids. Keep it like a hard business discussion. Dont let your emotions get involved. She is the enemy that your kids love.
But, She will forget about you because a Narc needs any energy to fuel them. If you don't know gray rock than look it up.

Don't talk about her to others. Don't try to expose her. I tried that too. No one gives a F about your opinion of your ex or what she did. Cut the strings. Go live your life. Let go of it.
Unless its in a court battle. In that case-document everything. Save every email. Journal every conversation with her and your kids - every time, for years.
DONT TALK TO THE KIDS NEGATIVELY ABOUT HER. Say things like "Im sure your mom has her reasons" "your mom is trying her best" "i would not have done it that way but your mom thinks that is the way"

As for your kids. It sounds like you are doing great and you probably know all this.
I know its the toughest EFFING thing to deal with week in and week out. And probably makes you sad and hurt having to reset your kids every time.
Be consistent. Be consistent. Be Consistent.
Be there for them. Talk to them like adults. Explain things simply and straight to them. This is where my sons counselor really helped my son. He backed up my efforts and my teachings and my son often comes back from a session sharing a new view, similar to mine.
Support all their stuff. Go to all their stuff.

One last thing. Be their hero in their eyes when they need something for their mom. birthday gifts, christmas gifts, making cards,etc.. Make them always look good and feel proud of what theyve done for their mom. Make them feel good that you care about their relationship with their mom. That shit sticks in their heart. Builds trust between you and the kids and shows them that despite you and her cant get along (and they know) that you are a place of love, comfort and still care about them and how they are with her.
Hardest stuff I've ever done. Best battle I've ever won.