Would I have gone to jail if I...?

Ew.

 

...unless you want to buy booze. You have to wait for the 'manager' to make their way to you, check your ID, figure out which is 'the' key (out of 50 keys on their key ring), insert the golden key in scanner thingy, turn key, swipe their 'manager' card, key in the super-secret booze code, and then loom over you as you scan the rest of your shit.

 

Back when I did write checks, I had the basics completed while the person in from of me was checking out. I like to keep an eye on the scanning process.

 

The only way you get beef from me on checks in the checkout line is if you stand there, log like, all the while they are scanning, bagging and re-carting your stuff. then, and only then do you begin the process of locating the checkbook. Oh man. At that point "I'm a race car in red...and its not good to keep a race car in the red".

If that check isnt dated, store name filled in (unless they have a stamp), and pen standing ready to fill in the amount and sign by the end of scanning, bagging and re-carting, you deserve to be staked out on a combined ant hill/yellow jacket nest/electric go kart track, naked, covered in sugar, honey and gasoline and set alight while masked pagans dance around you. Age be damned. Hell, Mother Theresa would get the stink eye from me for pulling some shit like that.

 

Seriously? The person monitoring the self checkout at our store just looks up from her screen at my 50 year old face and pushes a button on the screen in front of her and I am good to go. Youngsters just have to show her their ID and follow the same process.

 

Oh no, don't suggest someone be prepared.
Do you know how much work is involved in putting change in your pocket?

 

"Do you realize how hard a motherfucker has to hit you to make loose change come outcho pocket?"

- Kevin Hart

 

You guys are dealing with amateurs. Let me show you how a pro does it.

First, I show up at the Quik-Mart right at 5 pm. I'd do it at 7 am except that's too damn early to get up.
I pull up to the farthest pumps from the store, making sure to block both pumps.
I then get out with my cane and walk at an excruciatingly slow pace to the store, making sure I have a 2-minute fight with the automatic door on the way in. If they have a mat in front of the door, I'll catch my foot on it and trip, then walk in leaving the rug folded over on itself.
I grab one of the two carts they have, mostly for their own use, and start shopping.
I try to grab things that will be hard to scan for one reason or another. I want quite a few items but not so many that they'll give me that "look" when I get to the register. Small items are good because 30 small items is still a small pile on the counter.
I pick at least 5 items from the cooler and two from the freezer.
Then I get in line.
I make sure I look at every item as I take it out of the cart to be sure it is the exact item I wanted.
After everything is scanned and bagged, that's when I pull out the checkbook after searching every pocket twice, only to find it right there in the first pocket I looked in. Damn glasses.

Anyway, I carefully write out the check and hand it to the cashier.
It's 8 dollars short. That's when I inform them that was my last check, but I have a credit card.
After searching for my wallet for a minute or so, I snap my fingers and say "shoot, I left it in my truck".
I walk back to my truck at an excruciatingly slow pace and start looking for my wallet.
After a few minutes, I walk back in at an excruciatingly slow pace and tell them I must have left my wallet at home and could they just please put that stuff back.
I then walk back to my truck at an excruciatingly slow pace, whistling cheerfully the whole way, get in and head for the 7-11.

The great thing is it doesn't cost you a dime for all that entertainment.
You gotta live your life, people.

 

IYC drivers license pic...

 

Lol...I can tell you're a racer! haha...but I don't blame you. I'm the same way. But I've always known that I'm just not really a very patient person. If I can do something faster, I will!

 

That's like me with driving. I always complain about getting stuck behind slower people when driving somewhere, and if it's somebody that I know, like a co-worker, I make sure to let them know! lol...and then people ask me "Are you in a hurry or something??". No! I'm not in a hurry at all! In fact I have all fuckin day, but I don't want to spend that day sitting behind your slow bitch-ass driving 5 mph under the speed limit. Even though I know it's only adding like 30-40 seconds to the total length of my drive, it still bothers the shit out of me! lol

 

Nope, I was at work. But I will if I see you writing checks at a grocery store in front of me....even though I have no clue who you are, I'm gonna pretend it's you!

 

I'm not reading all this shit,but If some old granny has driven,and made it through the shit hole
of todays acceptable society,and waded through the shit hole store shes shopping at,and didn't get
robbed,then carry on my wayward granny..
These folk are my heroes.
Fuck the debit card that is used to track your spending spree,and fuck the ass wipes that get wraped
up in time limits when making purchases.
No one is getting out of cars to beat the shit out of anyone holding you up in traffic texting.
Start keeping a log of the time you lose to texting at red lights.
Granny,your always welcome to stroke out a check in front of me,you crazy old blue hair!
Glad you made it this far,and miss all my old grandparents who didn't take shit off anybody

 

Yeah you do. W Market st in Johnson City and E Stone drive in Kingsport.

 

All you impatient, anti-social snowflakes should just stay in your basement and order everything from Amazon. Put a Dropbox at the front door so you don’t have to suffer the horror of exchanging pleasantries with the UPS guy. Just sayin‘.

 

I still use 24 hour time when I fill out incident reports at work. First time I sent one to corporate, HR called me asking what the fuck 1400 hrs was. I laughed, she she didn't get it, I was on her shit list.

Slow people in check out lines never bothered me. Assholes who don't return the shopping cart to the cart islands piss me off.

 

The only time I get truly frustrated in the checkout line is when I end up behind someone using WIC that doesn't know how much they have or what they can buy and has to make the decision as they check out. Can I get this? No. How about this? Yes, but only one. Instead of an express lane, it might be better for them to open an I don't know what I'm doing lane.

 

This was an HR manager?? How the hell did she make it to that position and that far in life without knowing how to read the time on a 24-hour clock??

 

A shopping cart?

 

Do it dry.