suck it samuel jackson, i have one IN MY TOILET

Discussion in 'General' started by tophyr, Aug 8, 2022.

  1. backho

    backho Well-Known Member

    Big ol’ Vactor sewer sucker!
  2. Sabre699

    Sabre699 Wait...hold my beer.

    Take the toilet outside !!
  3. Wingnut

    Wingnut Well-Known Member

  4. Banditracer

    Banditracer Dogs - because people suck

    Must be a living in the desert thing.
  5. tophyr

    tophyr D200 Reverse Track Guy



    After several days in a row of not seeing any sign of Tammy, and beginning to get worried that she'd either found her way into a different part of my plumbing, or found a way back out (which means there'd also be a way back in), I just checked the toilet and found this:


    I grabbed my bbq skewer (should've got my damn 3' screwdriver, as you'll see) and after a minute or two of hemming and hawing between "ewww noooo, poor snake just wants to snake, don't stab murder ittt" and "it's gotta come out, and do you really want it LIVE when that happens??" the bbq skewer approach won out and i stabbed the fuck outta this thing.

    TURNS OUT SNAKES ARE STRONG. almost like they're one big muscle or something, weird.

    fucking thing bent the prongs of my skewer and then slithered the fuck outta there. I tried to trap it a couple more times by twisting it but it either unwound itself or just kept on going through the knot.

    i have to leave for the pittrace motoamerica round tomorrow and now the snake that lives in my toilet knows i'm its mortal enemy.

    Steeltoe and motion like this.
  6. Razr

    Razr Well-Known Member

    There are local folks that will get it out for free.
  7. YamahaRick

    YamahaRick Yamaha Two Stroke Czar

    Attach electrical leads to each prod and energize with high amperage DC power. Tammy won't feel a thing.

    Or don't be a wuss and jab that thing as if your future pooping w/o fear depends upon it. Because it does.

    Not to mention your beeb rep here, Mister Reverse Track Guy. ;--)
  8. motion


    You're being a massive pu$$y. You need to be serious about this snake and the safety of your children. I didn't even hear any cursing. Way too calm. Get Ritchie over there to get you amped up and try it again! You got this!
  9. noles19

    noles19 Well-Known Member

    Like what was the plan once you speared it? Lift it out of the toilet then run screaming like a bitch?
    notbostrom and SuddenBraking like this.
  10. YamahaRick

    YamahaRick Yamaha Two Stroke Czar

    He said "F this. I'm a gonna go racing instead."
    noles19 likes this.
  11. tophyr

    tophyr D200 Reverse Track Guy


    Honestly I thought the skewer would bite into a lot more meat and end up effectively trapping the snake from going anywhere.. then the plan was to get a pair of bigass tongs in each hand and grapple it out.

    I'm willing to bet now that she never comes near the toilet again. Which, on one hand, is a win I suppose... But all that really means is I'll have won a stabbed, starved, rotting snake carcass in my sewer line.
  12. wsmc42

    wsmc42 Well-Known Member

    Is there a reason you won't call a professional, or at least someone who wouldn't mind sticking their hand in there and grabbing the snake? Do we need to get a donation going?
  13. Banditracer

    Banditracer Dogs - because people suck

    She was in the perfect spot to just reach in and grab her with your hand. Just grab on and start pulling.
  14. Saiyan66

    Saiyan66 Stand your ground

    Man that was your opportunity to put a set of king size vice grips on her and just walk away to regroup. Or dynamite. Definitely dynamite.
  15. tophyr

    tophyr D200 Reverse Track Guy

    Realistically the next plan is to just open the clean-out (that's only about 30' downpipe from this toilet) and drive her toward it so she can gtfo. If that fails, then I'll pay someone to come take care of it.

    I'm still not actually 100% certain what kind of snake this is. I'm 99%... but 1% is a shockingly huge number when staring death in the face.
    Funkm05 and socalrider like this.
  16. HPPT

    HPPT !!!

    How many bags of ice is that?
  17. Dave K

    Dave K DaveK über alles!

    You could wind up a few friends (if you have any), form up into a wedge and scare the snake with a fierce Haka. If you don’t have any friends, go to Home Depot and hire some Mexicans to help you. Those dudes can do damn near anything. Asbestos abatement, yard work, write expansion plans for mid level companies trying to break into guarded markets, blow up Russian tanks with MLAWs, mow your law and tar your driveway. I’m sure they can Haka like a mother trucker.

    Go to a pawn shop, buy a big ass 80s boom box, get some Cher cassettes and psy ops the snake into submission by blasting shitty music.

    If the snake won’t leave and won’t pay rent and how could it? Snakes are like squatter punks and don’t believe in money but I digress. If your squatter punk snake won’t move on, apply to the feds for grants to offset the costs of your squatter punk toilet snake. Be careful here, by the time you get back the snake may have declared your toilet a snake art commune and there will be 27 snakes and Scott Sturgeon living in your toilet and leftover crack is playing a benefit to pay for a giant bag of free range lentils and some crack.

    be careful, the snake might be Russian and call Putin and say you’re oppressing it’s Russian heritage. Boom next thing you know there’s 10 broken down T62s in your yard (your neighbors towed away 3), your garage has been bombed, someone cluster bombed your petunias and Putin has said all of your bathroom has always been part of Russia. Benefit is Motion is planning to ride a unicycle through your living room and into your bathroom.

    Did you pee on it yet?
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2022
    YamahaRick and Robin172 like this.
  18. pickled egg

    pickled egg Works with puppies, too

    Cocaine is a helluva drug
  19. HPPT

    HPPT !!!

    Who do you think he is, R Kelly?

    Although just as I finished writing that, I remembered an encounter with a snake one time I was taking a piss outside as a young boy. The damn thing literally slithered between the tip of my feet and that the landing point of my pee stream on its way to who knows where. I ran, finished pissing and put my dick back into my shorts, in that order.
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2022
  20. SpeedWerks Racing

    SpeedWerks Racing Well-Known Member

    Shotgun,,,, toilets are $80 at Lowes.

Share This Page