Should you forgive after time served? I cant

A friend in HS decided to go out and "roll some fags" back in 1988 along with 7 other people I know. He ended up murdering two men in cold blood because they were gay. He was sentenced to 30 years and has now been released. Now this guy is sending friend requests to people on FB and they are accepting them, even the people who were there that night.

I get up this morning to a message from someone telling me that I am in wrong for not forgiving this guy and that he has done his time and I need to let it go.

WTF? I see more value in human life than that. Am I wrong here?

 

I don't disagree with you at all, but has he changed at all after 23 years? I would expect a long prison sentence might have some effect. For better or worse, who knows?

But no, you go out and kill two people for being gay, you're going to have an uphill climb with me I'd think.

 

It's your choice. If you feel that way, then I wouldn't compromise your values based on a message sent to you over the internet. I think it's pretty arrogant of someone to question your values in such a way. I would tell that person that is how you feel and they don't like it they can go fuck off. The choice is yours, not theirs.

 

Its your opinion that counts. If you feel his crime was so hanus you can't forgive him then don't! I wouldn't fault you, however I'm sure we all made dumb decisions in highschool not to that extent but still. Id be willing to bet he regrets doing it after losing 22 years in the prime of his life.

 

Some people say "Only God can forgive".

You don't need to forgive anybody for anything. It's my opinion that, if you can find it in you, to not hold something against somebody for the rest of their lives IF that person is important to you. Who is this guy to you? A close friend that did something stupid and that he truly regrets (not just because he was caught and served time) and is remorseful and, even having served time, is doing something positive out of the tragedey?

Then again, we are talking about murder, not jaywalking.

 

I think that part of aedwards post is very telling. Does he regret his actions because he took two lives or does he regret it because it cost him 22 years of his own? The answer to that question would mean alot to me if I were in your position.

 

He probably got the Big Bob's sausage sandwich in prison.

 

I am in a damn close situation so not trying to thread jack at all since I also am looking for opinions.

I play in a Thursday night band with about 6 other guys. We all get along great. We drink some beer, talk BS around a bonfire and jam a bit. Guest players show up from time to time. One of the guys is a drummer that was a friend of the guy whose house we play at often. I always thought the guy was a little weird, but he was a great drummer.

Five years ago he gets busted for sexually chatting with a 15 year old girl on the internet. You know the story, it wasn't a 15 year old girl. The guy gets five years in jail. He is out now and has ask this friend if he can come over to hang with us. Now I didn't like this guy to begin with. And I have a 15 year old daughter. My friend says he's done his time, what's the harm.

Comments

 

There is no forgiveness for murder. Period.

 

+1

 

From my experience (worked in corrections for several years) prison does nothing good for a person. He's probably a much worse individual after 23 years in there. At the very least he's a completely different person and not anybody you'd recognize or that you'd have anything in common with.

On a funny and somewhat related note: I got an FB request from a kid I went to school with and had wondered what ever happened to him. He was a bit of a nut. Well after reading the profile, it turns out that the page was set up and maintained by a friend of his as the moron just got thrown in prison.

 

I have a former friend in prison now for beating another one of our friends to death. He went as far as duct taping a bag around his head and throwing him in a dumpster. He denied it for a couple years. They finally pinned it on him, and I can assure you, if he gets out, we will not be friends.

Your gut is usually right about how to handle uncertain situations.

 

I wouldn't think it is my role to "forgive" someone who didn't commit crime directly against me or someone I care about, but I would certainly feel within my rights to not want to have anything to do with that person after they serve their time. He's square with the state, and as such has a right to reenter society. That doesn't mean you have a duty to accept him in your life. Personally, I think he's scum. Fuck him.

 

couldnt have said it better.

 

Just by asking here shows you really don't think it is right, don't lower your moral standards because others who accept his FBFR do...

You could go ask the family of the deceased what they think...

He shoulda died in prison, IMO.

 

+1

 

+1

 

Your call, really. Me? To steal Papa's line: Fuck him.

 

Like Papa said.

He's served his time and hopefully will find a way to move forward from where he is now. Personally, I don't think I'd want to be buddies with this guy, but I wouldn't actively do anything to make his life more difficult, either.

That's the logical (and responsible citizen part of) me talking. I have a friend who was brain-damaged for life from a bashing about 15 years ago. My emotional side says he should have suffered the same fate as his victim(s).