Sentences that make you cringe...

Do these jeans make my butt look big?

Does this dress make me look fat?

 

"What are you thinking right now?"

 

You wanna put that where?

 

I don't want anything for...(Christmas,birthday, anniversary).

 

"Are you done yet?"

 

"I'm home."



And all that follows....

 

Cuz yer a wimmens an yer hormonal?

 

"Nothing"





......in response to "what's the matter?"

 

"That was the last one"

"That was the only one"

"Call the shop and see if they have another one"

"I didn't bring it"

"I left it at the shop"

 

Good, more tire money for me!!!!!
Hello _________________ < favorite tire company here.

 

No, the mirror does.

 

Dumbass.

 

I the living room, where else?

 

yay.

 

anytime maury povich says
(insert your name), you are the father of baby tamika!

 

Good, I'll just sit here with my hand on my balls and remember when our first date was.

 

Nope, two more cylinders to go, then the head, hten the cam chain, then the cams, then the valve adjustment, then removing the cams, then.............

 

I should have gotten two more.

 

"Step out of the car sir. . ."

 

We have a winnah! I hear that and I'm looking for exits and mentally making hotel reservations for the next few weeks.