out of town weddings

so my best friend packed up and moved across the country a year ago, met this girl, got engaged after a few months. he wants me to be his best man. I have to pay my entire way and everything involved. travel in Canada is fucking ridiculous, and to top it off, they are having it at some 5 star resort, which will require us to stay there the friday night and saturday night. ill have to stay somewhere else thursday and sunday, since the flights out are on monday and I'm not getting up for the 7am flight on sunday morning.

flight and rental car - $800
thurs night hotel - $100
fri-sat resort - $500
sun hotel - $100
tux rental - $100-150?
food - $????
hookers - $????

its easily going to total $2000+ for what is really a 3 day trip one i add in food and odd and ends. get in last thurs night, leave early monday morning. this isn't a destination wedding. the only ones coming into town will be me, his parents and brother and sister.

i could understand if it was a destination wedding and we were going for a week, but am i wrong to be bitter about paying for EVERYTHING?

 

If he is your best friend then he should understand he ain't gettin a gift. As for the other expenses, just suck it up or you might regret it.

 

im also losing $2600 in business by leaving for that weekend, since i have nobody to take over while I'm gone, well nobody i trust anyways.

 

I went through the same thing last summer. Don't leave out the bachelor party weekend in your accounting.

 

Tell him you'll make it to his next wedding!!

 

Yeah, but will you get to meet any hot bridesmaids?

 

Exact same thing happened too me a few years back. Only difference was he was living here in town and they went to some crazy expensive water front place in Michigan where the bride was from. Her family was there, blah blah blah. Asked me to be in the wedding as well as his other best friend here in town. 4 days of travel, flights, etc.. Cheapest I could figure was around $2500. I couldn't and didn't go and neither did his other friend. He was pissed and didn't talk to us for about 4 years.

 

Would he do it for you?...

 

its hard to say. but i wouldn't say 100%. if i got married here in our hometown he would, because all his family is here, it would be good to come "home" for a bit.

if it was completely out of town, no idea.

 

Tell him so. A "best friend" wouldn't put his bud out like that, maybe he will pass the plate.

Besides, he's probably reading about it on the beeb right now.

 

I'm paying the hotel and shuttle costs for all our guests at our wedding. I figure once they pay to get out here the least I can do is pay for them to stay someplace.

 

Tell him if you do go, and his marriage doesnt last very long(engaged after a few months, yeah....), that he has to pay you back for your expenses AND lost income. My other answer would be hell no.

 

That's the standard deal for a destination wedding for the bridal party, I think if you are making people travel it's the right thing to do. I would put the OP in that same group, even though it's not a destination wedding (because for him it is a destination).

<what the OP is thinking> Dude, it's gonna cost me 3 large to come be your best man. I don't know if I like you that much.

 

If it makes you feel any better, my best friend plays professional volleyball in the Czech. Met a Czech woman and got hithced. Called me on Christmas Day to tell me the wedding was going to be July 4 and he wanted me to be best man. Flight alone for the wife/I to the Czech was around $2000/person - not to mention hotel costs and all once we got there - all to be arranged in about a 6-month time frame. Wouldn't have missed it for anything and had a blast. If he's truly your "best friend" as you claim, it's only money, my man.

 

no blow?

 

When I got engaged a year ago, I had already asked my best man and 3 other guys to be in my wedding party. I made it clear that I knew they'd have to travel for my wedding (I'm in Jax,FL...best man's in Portland, OR, 2 groomsmen in Pensacola, FL and 1 in Miami, FL). And that I'd understand if they couldn't make it due to the cost of traveling. I just asked that they tell me ahead of time and didn't wait until the last minute to say they can't make it.

Tell him money is the issue. He may find a way to cover some of your expenses (especially if her fam is paying for it). I'd help out my friends if they needed it

 

I wouldn't be able to do it. Just too much money. If I could afford it I would. Many times I've seen where the bride's family pays for lodging so that the participants only have to pay travel expenses.

I did go with my last girlfriend to St. Lucia for her to be main of honor for her best friend. We paid for that trip but that was a fun vacation so it's a bit different.

 

I was in a wedding in Maui. The couple to be paid for our condo and all we paid for was airfare. They looked at it like, come out and enjoy a vacation and then give us just an evening of your time. It worked out well and we had a blast.

I still think with any destination wedding, the couple to be must accept that some of their invitations will be declined due to cost.