In Paris for 4 days, what to do

Ahem…

And I know you hang on my every word so you gots no excuses for not seeing this.

 

Man the barricades in defense of your early retirement?

 

add senile to your old pervert patch beads... you quoted the wrong guy gramps...

Since you guys are there... Johnny’s rig was at my shop for a few weeks back in the day, buddies crewed first him, with that 944 motif that was a ten foot tall Paris and I don’t know who else... the Guatemalans that lived in one of the apartments said none of them could sleep with it in the parking lot...

 

Drink absinthe at La Fee Verte and eat steak frites.

 

Punch a mime? Are there still mimes around?
Punch a commie? Well thats easy, just punch anyone odds are they a commie.
Remind all of them that without us they would spreching German.
Order "America Fries" wherever you go.
Order wine. tell them it tastes like $hit and ask if they have Boones Farm. Or if you can get a good wine...like what comes in a box.
Tell erryone the Eifel tower is the second best metal thing they made and its way behind Lady Liberty in 'Merica.

 

Little Red Door has great cocktails, they rotate the menu every so often, cocktails in each menu are designed+named around capturing some kind of theme. I've been there a couple times, concepts I remember were "words without direct english translations" (Hygge from Danish, Madrugada from Spanish, etc...) and "architectural styles" like "Art Deco" "brutalism", etc. Yes, the whole concept is pretentious but if you can get over that, the cocktails are good and very inventive. It's a great place to go if you're open to being a little surprised by your order.

Candelaria is a fun place to go as a tourist, especially if you want to bring others who don't know what they're in for. It's a "speakeasy" type place - front of house is a dingy looking and fairly authentic mexican taco spot (pretty good tacos by US standards, EXCEPTIONAL tacos by continental europe standards), and there is a "secret" door in back that opens to reveal a cocktail bar. Cocktails here are also great - not totally avant garde like Little Red Door, but good selection of on-menu cocktails, anything they could make you off-menu is going to be great as well.

Relais de l'Entrecot is ABSOLUTELY worth a visit so long as you're not a vegetarian. I think they literally have one thing on the menu: Steak Frites. You tell them how you want it cooked, and that's basically it. You get a massive portion of basically perfect steak in their creamy house steak sauce + great fries. If/when you finish the first portion, you get a little bonus portion (~1/2 or 1/3 size of full portion). They do not take reservations, and in typical French style they have lunch service in early afternoon, they close for a little bit, then they reopen for dinner service early in the evening. Arrive before lunch or dinner service starts so you get a spot in line (unless you get there CRAZY early, there will be a line already). If you go here, you will not be disappointed.

Street crepes are a lot of places. IDK if there are better street crepes, but if you find yourself over by where Chez Georges is and you want a snack, they make a pretty good crepe. I forget the name of the plaza that it's across from, but there's usually skateboarders and BMXers milling about that make for some pretty good people-watching, too.

 

Winner...

 

You forgot piss on the Eiffel Tower and tell them in looks like a rusty cell phone tower.