How do you cope with catastrophic motorcycle injury to loved ones?

That's all well and good except, almost always it's not out of concern for me. It's usually preached by someone who never even rode a motorcycle, 4 wheeler, snowmobile, etc. Most times it seems they almost have a disgust for them. Most likely due to people doing what the OP's friend did. A good many people who tell me how dangerous bikes are, are basing their comments on incidents like this.

 

I have struggled with the loss of my best friend and brother in law for a couple of years now. I got him back into street riding and he died when a dog ran in front of him from a blind driveway and he suffered a non recoverable brain trauma even though fully geared up. My nephew who was 12 at the time lost his father, my sister lost her husband and I lost my best friend. My sister doesn't really talk to me anymore and her son only if he has to, which is rare. It has been a real struggle for me as our families were together every weekend before the accident. I have terrible feelings of guilt and struggle with his loss every time I ride a bike. I take solace in that I know he is still riding right next to me and that by doing what we loved to do together I keep my memory of him alive. The wounds created by his loss will probably never heal but they have sort of dulled over time. Give it a little time and be thankful that the boy survived, a lot don't. As for getting your mind right I have found a simple trick that has worked for me. When the shield goes down everything but riding a motorcycle to my best ability goes out the window. If I can't clear my head I don't ride that day. It's not easy to put the bike away or turn off the warmers but I'm not going to put others at risk because I can't focus 100%.

 

I would read up on Diffuse Axional Brain injuries.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diffuse_axonal_injury

One of my race buddies was hit on the street in 2009. He took a nap for ~30 days. Broke his: Tib/Fib, one femur, one radius/ulna, ankle and shoulder. That's when I decided "track only."
Dark times indeed.

In his recovery process, one of the more important therapies was him spending lots of time reading, and playing word association games and thinking through logical 'problems.' Somehow it was also connected to his eyes, and when he got new glasses, his recovery improved significantly from a previous plateau.

We got very lucky, in that the Rehabilitation Institute of Oregon (RIO) is housed in a local to us hospital. The doctors and rehab nurses/therapists there were pretty good with him. We also got very lucky in that one of the racers in our circle of close friends is an Oncology nurse, and was able to understand the medical speak.

From a "them's bikes is bad" perspective, we only had one nurse that was condescending, contemptible, demeaning and quite truly, a cunt. Cooler heads than mine were able to get the Cheif Nurse on staff to schedule someone else for his care after that first day.

Sorry you and his family are going through this. While you introduced him to the sport, you aren't responsible for his choice to try to outrun the police.

I hope he recovers to the full of his potential.

 

My best friend died in front of me, I have ridden his other bike since then as a memorial to him. 20 years this year.
When people tell me their family doesn't ride because a family member died on a bike, I tell them my family member died in a tub and MY family doesn't bathe, makes the same sense.

 

Almost everyone on here knows I was paralyzed racing back in 2013. From my perspective bikes are one of your huge passions. Sell nothing but let them sit. Make that decision many months or even a year down the road. Regarding the kid and family, just don't bring up bikes. Be there just to be there. Act as normal as possible. Play card games, watch sports or movies together. Basically, just live life as you did before but don't be the one to bring up bikes. If they ask you about bikes just dodge the question.

I have two bikes in my great room. My very first streetbike I bought in 1984 which is a mint Kenny Roberts RZ350. The other is my Aprilia/Yamaha hybrid that I crashed on. I rebuilt it and let Ted Cobb race and win on it. I may have him take it out again one day. Further, I'm working on adapting an FZ07 so I can ride on 2 wheels again. Some think it is stupid or crazy but bikes are my passion and it is my decision to not let a big ass crash be the last thing I ever do on a motorbike.

So, bottom line, just take time, enjoy life and let any big decisions wait.

 

When my friends got hurt, I just slowed down slightly. When I got busted a finger racing, I sold my race bike at the end of the season. I bought a new race bike and am building it right now, 6 years later. In your case, although it's tragic and I see how this could affect you, I wouldn't change a thing and keep on doing what I love. Sad to say, but the kid had it coming.

 

Thank you so humbly for sharing your stories, hearts, and opinions. It's very good to hear. Thank you so much.

Everyone was speaking truth. No, I didn't teach him to ride like a dick. Have I in my past? Yes. And I'm pretty ashamed of it, too. I admit that in the past I have lacked self control. But, as you guys figured out, he was never around me when I did.

I'm just really depressed and reading all of your replies helps put things in perspective. I really appreciate it.

I may sell some things purely as they are depreciating assets and I don't know how long it'll take for me to come back around. I can always reup later.

Riding is my passion. It's in my blood. Nothing comes close to letting all my worries go. I love it like nothing else. This is the first time in my life where I feel somewhat the antithesis. It's... pretty depressing.

Really again, I can't thank you guys enough for your words of wisdom and experience. It will no doubt help me heal faster. It means the world to me. Thank you.

 

Labor Day weekend, 2006.

We were on our normal group ride on Sunday, and stopped at a Shell station in Lawrenceburg. The majority of the group was going to cut out, and go home home, but I wanted to ride some more. So did 2 other guys. Mitch, 50ish, and Daniel, 22.

We headed up the hill towards East Enterprise. I knew the roads, but he was leading, so when we got to the 4 way stop, I told Daniel about a particular blind, off camber left, after a golf course. He actually made that one, but it was the last time anyone spoke to him.

About 2 miles up the road, he got in to a right too fast, went left of center, and hit a car head on. Smashed the windshield out, bent the a post in, and was killed instantly. We were going fast enough, and I was following close enough, that he was still in the air as I went by. The windshield actually cut the drivers fingers really badly. Damn near severed one.

I called my brother to come and pick me up. I didn't want to ride, so he came and got me, with Colleen in tow. When we got to Colleens house, we unloaded the bike, and I rode home. I just told them, that if I don't do it now, I never will.

His family came to my house, his friends came to my house, and I had to tell them the story many times. That was pretty grueling, but it was the least I could do. We ended up doing the whole motorcycle funeral procession thing, and at the wake, his mother asked me to take her for a ride.

I've lost contact with them since, but I think about him often.

My advice is, do what you feel is right for you. You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty for something he did. I hate the whole, he twisted the grip shit, but it's true. It isn't like you were in his ear egging him on. I made the suggestion that we go on the road that claimed Daniels life, but I don't feel guilty, and I'm glad I made the decision to unload my bike, and finish my ride that day.

 

Coming from the book of do what I suggest, not what I did:

I would strongly recommend that you are going to need someone to talk to. Either you buy beers for your friends so they listen, or you pay the counselor/psychologist so they listen. It helps to get it out. It in no way means you are less of a person* for doing so, but it does mean you are more human for doing so.

I believe any one of us here on the beeb and in this thread would take an hour or two to listen/talk/suggest if you ask.

*In no way am I implying that you are are, but people have been known to be stoic or "tough guys" when talking would have helped. I learned this the very hard way.

 

That is a terrible thing to hear. Don't beast yourself up over it, assuming you did your best to make sure he was in proper gear and didn't reinforce his mistakes. I was run over pretty bad last year, nothing near what he is dealing with but it has been a year of recovery so far. I am still trying to fix issues with my leg and think it could be another year til I am in shape to do much of anything.

With that said, I have had some friends swear off street riding cause of my accident. I would always hear how someone's nephew was hurt or killed riding. Too many variables to worry about what happened to others. I always wore all my gear, even on my Grom. It saved my life and I've had many ask if I "would" quit riding. They ask cause they know the answer.

I can't live my life based on the bad decisions of others. Facebook is flooded with riders encouraging others to do bad things and the ones that understand can't convince them to do anything different.

 

Damn man. That’s heavy shit.

Handled it better than I would have.

 

I was one of those guys, back in the day. Then shit got out of my control bad for me.

I’ve gone to see someone. I was very embarrassed at first, and now I tell anyone that I think can benefit from it. It was a lot of Work issues and a divorce and blah blah blah, but the bottom line is I realized I wasn’t acting like myself. I only went about ten times but I really gained a lot of perspective. I don’t know if I would have achieved that clarity without.

If you think you need help, find it. If it’s not readily available to you, there are people that can help. PM me. Call a friend. Do whatever.

Jesus Christ, we don’t need another thread like the one that I’m sure is at the top right now.

 

Go with the counseling, alcohol doesn't improve your thinking.