How do you cope with catastrophic motorcycle injury to loved ones?

I'm sitting here amongst my motorcycles, drinking a beer, and reflecting on my relationship with the sport, as well as whom I consider family.

My friend's son, I watched growing up, went to his little league games, helped him with his homework, and tried to give him a little guidance along the way. I'm very close to the family, refer to his grandma as "mom", and spent thousands of miles riding with his dad. He grew up around motorsports thanks to us. We always encouraged him to ride our 4-wheelers and while he didn't have the natural born finesse that his dad and I have, he always had twice the wild and sometimes it led to him hurting himself. In fact, it was to the point as he acquired his own street bike that we would pull a fuse or disconnect the tilt sensor to keep him from hurting himself. (He'd do the "Jesus" on open highways, run from the cops, etc.)

Well, he really outdid himself a couple weeks ago. He was trying to outrun one of our local constables, and doing 11k rpm in fifth gear (as indicated by the tach in the street and motorcycle's transmission), that should translate into 135ish, he hit a car that was turning.

If you look at the kitty litter on the ground (point of impact) and the pole far away...


....you can then judge how far he flew.


He broke both legs, knee, femur, both arms, shattered both wrists, shattered his jaw, collapsed a lung, got brain damage, damaged a nut and his dick, broke some ribs, was dead for approximately three minutes and was revived. He suffered a few strokes had 8 units of blood given to him and somehow he survived.

The last two weeks has been pretty dreadful. When he regained consciousness, he most certainly wasn't himself. Crazy mood swings, was suddenly living in the past. Didn't know anyone, then knew people. As time went on, and his brain remapped, he started acting a bit more cognitive.

A couple of things that stuck with me is that when he first woke up he said that he was burning in hell. When he saw the picture of his bike he got really upset because he'd have to source a new one. And today he actually seems to be acting like himself.

He can't move the right side of his body and his rehab is going to take at least a year. He will definitely never be the same.

Now I know that I have no control over other people's decisions, but I can't help but feel a slight responsibility. He did look up to me and think of me as a friend and mentor, as I was. I only rode with him a couple times because he made me nervous. But he looked up to me, his dad, and some of our mutual friends, and his love of motorsports was born because of us.

So I'm contemplating on what to do. His grandma, the woman I call "mom" begged for me to stop riding with tears in her eyes. My friend, and the kid's father said he's done riding. But I don't really react out of peer pressure. I just acknowledged what they said and gave some thought to myself.

Right now I'm thinking of getting rid of two of my bikes and holding on to one, throwing it on my stands, and letting it sit for some other day. I'm pretty sure that's what I'll do at this point. I'm just really depressed at the situation, and don't get any joy from them right now.

And the guilt bothers me. Slight as it is, it's there. No, I couldn't control him. Yes, he's old enough to make his own idiot choices. But I still feel a bit guilty.

How do you guys deal with this?

 

Unless you taught him how to ride at 100+ mph through city streets trying to evade the police I wouldn't feel any guilt about it. As far as grandma is concerned, unless you also ride like he did I don't see how she has any right to beg you to stop riding. Especially if the majority of your riding is at the track and not douching it about on public streets.

I'm sure you didn't want to tell grandma that her grandson rode the bike like an irresponsible fool (at least as per how you're describing it), but its an apples to oranges comparison from what it sounds like.

People get maimed and killed in car wrecks everyday......you don't sell your car and start walking everywhere, right?

JMO

 

Regarding the situation that happened to your friend, the motorcycle seems like the least important detail to me. I hope he heals up and has a chance to learn and move forward.

 

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. What we all do is mitigated risk within a controlled environment. Have I ever ran from cops before? Yes. Do I think I was unbelievably lucky I didn't end up like this? Yes. But my friends and family wouldnt hang up their gear because of bad choices I would have made. I'm sorry he's hurt but his actions have zero to do with the guidance and support you gave him. Keep riding or don't, that's on you but it's your decision and shouldn't be based on other people's poor ones. Only one person twisted the throttle.

I'm a firm believer in a man making his own luck.

 

Time....time heals wounds, both emotional and physicial. I'd not my head at her but know that shes coming from a dark place to ask someone else to do that. Shes not thinking rationally. As far as you feeling guilty. As someone mentioned above, unless you condoned his reckless behaviour on the streets, i dont see how you carry any burden other than being another rider.

 

Crashed at 135+ on the street into a fucking pole, lived to tell the tale, isn't a vegetable and is still able to walk? That's a miracle. What are you blaming yourself for though? Why sell your bikes? It's not the motorcycle's fault he was behaving like a dipshit. If you don't behave like a dipshit you'll most likely be fine. If you teach your friend or kid to drive and then he goes out and does the same shit and gets jacked up would you sell your car? It's no different. It's the jacksss behavior that caused this, not the vehicle!

 

A guy I raced supermoto with locally and is a close friend, lost his 17 year old son in a street crash about 4 years ago. Car turned in front of him. Helmet on, all that. Languished in the hospital for a few weeks, it was rough. He never pressured any of us, but he was done riding after that and this is a guy who loved bikes as bad or worse than any of us. Worst funeral I have ever been at. Felt guilty being there because we were ‘the motorcycle friends’. No one said anything to us, in fact they were very appreciative we attended, but I felt weird about it.

Had a friend and coworker get paralyzed from the waist down in a street crash about 15 years ago. About a year after he had his accident he pretty much told me he thought I was stupid for riding, ‘it’s not worth it, etc etc’. He’s since really been an inspiration to a lot of people for the way he’s completely changed his life (had to change careers, etc) and maintained a great attitude.

People say emotional shit and react out of all the stress hormones their body is dumping at first. It’ll level out.

If you don’t wanna Ride, don’t ride. If you do, do. That simple. No shame in saying you don’t have it in you anymore. But give it some time before you start selling shit. But you have nothing to feel guilty for, unless you were teaching him to run from the cops and riding like an ass, etc.

 

City environment for riding =>hell
Riding stupid makes it almost suicidal.
Unless you taught him to do so, it has nothing to do with you.
But it is normal to feel some kind of guilt. Perfectly normal.

 

Irresponsible acts can have serious consequences. Hell, even acting responsibly can be deadly. What's left? Sitting in a rubber room watching TV? We all choose what to do and try to manage the risks as best we can but zero risk is just a fantasy.

 

You really shouldn't feel, in any way, responsible. You exposed him to motorcycling but, did you expose him to irresponsible riding or actions? I doubt you did. It's not your fault. As for selling your bikes....don't. If you don't feel like riding right now, don't. I probably wouldn't want to either. But, if motorcyling is in your soul like it is mine, you will one day want to ride again. Motorcycle accidents happen, yes. But you can increase your odds many times by riding wrecklessly. I don't ride wrecklessly. I ride very defensively and aware of my surroundings when in an environment like in your photos. I feel safe and in control at all times on the street. That's how I choose to act in a dangerous environment. If I choose not to that is on me and nobody else. Sorry for the situation though. Hope he recovers well.

 

What Condon said. You shouldn't feel any responsibility or guilt.

You had as much to do with his activities and results as ACME did with the Coyote.

 

I agree with your first three sentences and maybe it is 'normal' or at least common to feel some guilt but, he certainly had nothing to do with it. Not saying you felt differently, just that he really shouldn't feel guilty. I know for a fact that if my good friends kid, whom we have made motorcycling a really big part of his life, got hurt due to irresponsible actions, such as running from authorities, I would not feel guilty. Not even a little bit.

 

I agree with the previous comments about not needing to feel responsible for this situation, and the car analogy is an excellent one.

That being said, I get it with having concerns now. Things that happen to others can definitely affect us. That's not a bad thing in and of itself. Just don't allow immediate emotions to dictate long term decisions.

Just had a situation last week where I got a call from my mother-in-law that my FIL had gotten injured badly in his shop and the ambulance had been called. I flew over to their house and found him laying on the concrete with a big pool of thick red blood surrounding his head. Normally, his drum style garage door sticks a little, so you have to lift pretty hard to raise it. Well on this day when he went to lift the door, it shot up, jumped track and crashed down onto his his head driving him into the floor. He ended up being OK all things considered. Concussion, stitches, etc., but the sight of all the blood and not knowing how bad the injury was was intense there for a moment.

Fast forward to this past weekend, and I had to get on top of the RV to do some roof sealing. That crap was in my mind and made me nervous about falling off onto my head.

So I get it. Stuff happening to others can affect us, but you aren't responsible for his actions.

 

Sorry to hear. Just be thankfull he's alive and hope for a good recovery. I wouldn't shoulder any of the blame or harbor any guilt. Easier said then done, I know. Provide comfort and support for your freinds and the family. Giving up riding would be the last thing I would do - I never will, I wouldn't even consider it an option. I'm kinda taken aback that anyone would suggest this to you in the first place. You're not even remotely responsible for his actions.

 

I have had more friends killed driving cars and acting stupid than riding. I still drive. There were a couple of pedestrians killed locally this past week. Should someone feel guilty for teaching them to walk? Bottom line, it is up to the individual how much risk you want to take and stupid is definitely a personal choice. The young man made a bad choice.

 

For some reason people will talk more about how dangerous m/c's are when this happens than they will about how dangerous drinking and driving is, or texting while driving, when someone is injured that particular way. Oooooo, motorcycles are so baaaad! I'd bet my damn house that those same people text and or do make-up while they drive. People telling me about how dangerous m/c's are is a joke.

 

Sorry for your friend's misfortune. Do whatever your heart tells you.

 

Per mile of exposure, a motorcycle is approximately 30 times more likely to be involved in an accident than a car. The people who are expressing concern for your safety are not wrong. Everyone has to make their own decision as to whether the rewards outweigh the risks. The fact that I put my son on a race bike before he was old enough to make an informed decision always weighed heavily on me, and is one of the reasons we no longer race.

 

On father's day 2014 I got pasted by a driver that was texting. hit me head on. I broke broken back, shoulder,12 ribs, both legs upper and lower, both ankles, died twice (revived in medi-vac copter and on operating table) lost my spleen and part of my kidney, took 11 units of blood and spent 26 days in the ICU. 13 weeks later i was wheeling my GSXR1000 around NYST and pissing blood. I got back on a bike asap. My family was at the track to watch me and cheer me on. Plain and simple do what you love until it kills you. This kid just made a bad decision to run. I prey he recovers to enjoy a long ride with his kids someday.

 

That really sucks for your friend's son and his family. Like R Acree said, I had a very dear friend growing up and we played all kinds of sports together and hung out a lot. His house was like my second home. We ended up going to different high schools and didn't hang out as much after that, played for different teams, etc.

One summer I got the tragic news he had died in a car accident. Was in a car with t-tops, wasn't wearing a seatbelt and got thrown from the car and killed. As others have mentioned, I didn't stop driving a car after that. Just follow your heart and make your own decision. Give it some time and don't go all yard sale right now. You might regret it later.

I truly hope your friend's son can make a full recovery and live a normal life.