Man, it's getting weird and aggro around here anymore. Where's the fun? Where's the Tom Sucks (and he does)? Where's the stupid that leaves you laughing for hours? I blame the Russians. Anyways, was up in Maryland last weekend and broke one of the basic rules in life: Never look down into the poop vault in a port-o-john. Among the usual selection of corn off the cob, coiled up and ready to strike colon cobras and what the f did I eat last night ass volcano lava fields was a pair of raybans perched majestically on a magnificent turd that stan marsh would have called zurich to report, the tip of the chunkie candy bar resembling turd sticking out of the bridge like a raisin and peanut filled nose. Must have been a person right before me because no one had really had a chance to pile on the ass gravy. This still haunts me. Why didn't the person fish out the sunglasses? Was the person looking all cool wearing the sunglasses while taking a Rush 2112 and then got up to witness their prog rock master piece only to have their glasses join it sailing in a sea of blue liquid? Should I have fished them out and given them to the ref who gave my kid a yellow card as a peace offer (and given him pink eye)? and then there's the brand new bucket that was in the trash that I should have dug out but that's for another time.