Corporate speak

Discussion in 'General' started by Hotfoot, Aug 13, 2019 at 2:35 PM.

  1. Hotfoot

    Hotfoot Well-Known Member

    Usually I am amused by silly corporate-speak gems like "this idea has legs" or "we need to take some time to ideate around this", but this morning I got an email that contained this gem:

    ".... helps improve cross-channel sales, up/cross selling, and sticky customer penetration through a unique approach to optimized sales compensation."

    Is "sticky customer penetration" the new corporate catchphrase? Aside from the fact that it just sounds gross it certainly does reflect a certain.... uh... disdain for customers. I've heard "increase stickiness" quite a few times recently from corporate, but this phrase is a interesting variant....
     
  2. Phl218

    Phl218 Lemme ask my wife

    whatever bloats their goat.


    i mock our CEOs with their wannabe all hype lingo
     
  3. Sabre699

    Sabre699 Wait...hold my beer.

    :crackup:
     
  4. NemesisR6

    NemesisR6 Gristle McThornbody

    Let's take this offline.
     
    Jedb, Chris, RichB and 1 other person like this.
  5. Hotfoot

    Hotfoot Well-Known Member

    OMG I have heard this so many times my first reaction was "What? Why?"
     
    jaybirdka likes this.
  6. tzrider

    tzrider CZrider

    Generally, because of the ones that should first be killed....
     
  7. SPL170db

    SPL170db Trackday winner


    "Let's run this across the goal line."
     
  8. ChemGuy

    ChemGuy Harden The F%@# Up!

    I think your focusing on the smoke screen from the stickiness BS..... this is the gem they tried to sneak thru.

    Methinks this means that upper management gets the mine while sales gets the shaft, sticky or not.
     
  9. GRH

    GRH Well-Known Member

    one of my favs
    "we need to leverage our synergies"
     
  10. ChemGuy

    ChemGuy Harden The F%@# Up!

    WTF does that even mean...

    [​IMG]
     
    Cannoli, wsmc42, MachineR1 and 2 others like this.
  11. Hotfoot

    Hotfoot Well-Known Member

    Sadly, it just meant "increase margin and incentive payout on smaller items to make the sales force care about selling them", hardly a new idea. The whole email is a classic example of obfuscation and BS, trying to create some kind of mystery around the secret sauce they are selling, but I figured no one wanted to read the whole thing. :)

    By the way it started with: "Having worked extensively with _____ , we found _______ leaders like yourself typically care about:" and then proceeded to talk about stuff I don't care about at all. :)
     
  12. BigBird

    BigBird blah

    our popular one right now is "granular"

    all data needs to be granular. can we get more granular? sure, let me read to you the bits and bytes of each character
     
    jksoft likes this.
  13. stk0308

    stk0308 Well-Known Member

    Tell them they'll need to put a pin in that so you can circle back and revisit that for headwind efficiency. And don't forget to reach out to you partner parallels to do that.
     
  14. CharlieY

    CharlieY Well-Known Member

    One from my current job: "Nimble Manufacturing"

    To me that means "reactionary, not scheduled, not defined, unorganized, inconsistent, custom, expensive....."

    To them its a positive.:rolleyes:
     
    spoon32, stk0308 and ChemGuy like this.
  15. dantheman

    dantheman Yeah, it hurt.....

    I typically breakout the "Buzzword Bingo" sheet. Probably got it from one of you on here is my hunch. Helps pass the time when someone during the phone conf uses one of the phrases you cross it off the list. Oldie but goodies like "Incentivise, value added, helicopter view, best practice" and on and on and on.....
     
    TurboBlew likes this.
  16. YamahaRick

    YamahaRick Yamaha Two Stroke Czar

    I think this thread needs a hard stop applied.
     
    K51000 likes this.
  17. ChemGuy

    ChemGuy Harden The F%@# Up!

    Not until the stake holders circle back to some low hanging fruit.

    And shit.
     
    BigBird likes this.
  18. code3ryder

    code3ryder Well-Known Member

    Per my last email......
     
  19. Scotty87

    Scotty87 Lacks accountability

    Arrg!!!

    I sit on the board of a non-profit and every meeting we have this one dude who is the sole full time employee come in and give us a report. I swear to god, this guy has an 'office meeting word of the day' calendar or some shit. Half the time I'm convinced he doesn't even know what he's saying. He says 'identifying the stakeholders' 92 fucking times in a 20 minute report. I've resorted to running a tally of how may times he does it and hoping he breaks his previous record as a way of maintaining sanity.
     
  20. Banditracer

    Banditracer Dogs - because people suck

    What happens if you're up against a really good D ?
     

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