i think this version of a thread gets brought up ever so often. it's good in that way, because we get to cycle in the new terms along with some favorites.
Sales people...always good for a laugh. Especially when they are selling technology they have no hope of ever understanding or being able to use.
No we aren't on scheduled. Everyone is too fucking confused by what you say you want and what we can actually do so we're not doing anything for that right now. And you'll forget about it in 3 months anyway. Sales doesn't know the fucking product and keeps telling the clients we can do things that we don't do. We tell sales we've done it and then they tell the client we have it and nobody actually looks to see that it's not there. Leave us alone we have to do some shit that you really won't understand but it keeps the fucking product working.
Re: Sales not knowing a thing about the product. We had a hot job one time, that was a bit behind schedule. The customer came in to check on progress and sales paraded them out to me on the floor for an explanation (pass the buck) of how things were going. "Sales" had told them we were on track, and gave a bullshit timeline that was unicorns and rainbows. I looked at the customer and said "well, since you don't look like a chimney to me, I'm not going to try and blow smoke up your ass" then proceeded to tell them a realistic timeline of how the job was going to work out (which I hit, because it was reasonable and based on facts and experience....). Customer laughed and said thanks for the honest information. They just needed honest info to schedule their end, not a fucking fairytale that causes stress and missed deadlines for everybody involved when it doesn't come true. Another story about this useless "sales" guy from years ago. Female customer, same sort of situation as above, told me she'd rather deal deal with me from now on, because she "didn't know if the other guy was trying to fuck her, or sell her a used car" whenever she talked to him, but she felt like she needed to take a shower afterwards lol. I always get a laugh out of that when this guy walks around like he's bobby big wheel. He could sell an ice cube to an Inuit though, I'll give him that. Just wouldn't have the slightest clue how the ice cube was made though. Dealing with the same situation again right now on another job. Rinse repeat.
Funny how true that is^^^. It wasn't "sales" per se but I was brought in to discuss a problem we had with a safety system pump. The pump had a crack in it that would have prevented it from working. The material engineering term is "catastrophic failure".....Me being an engineer, I used the proper term. You would think the VP's had a stroke! I learned never use the word catastrophic in a nuclear power plant!
My "performance reviews" usually involve free drinks with a vague notion that it might be work related
It does get alot less funny when their lack of understanding causes them to promise the client that the technology can do something that it was not designed for. Thats why alot of them should not be allowed to visit clients without a handler. Last winter we had a sales weasel go to the client on his own and sell something that was still in the proof of concept stage because he misunderstood what he was told in a meeting.
I often like to remind people that if our sales people said good morning that their next step in the process would be to look out a window and make sure the sun is up.
i told our owners, the next CEO or GM he hires shall spend a couple of weeks in Project Management and development in our group. sales should hang around in testing. Porsche puts new management hires on the production line for a month (Partner am Band) for a reason. i'm tired of sales selling the soul or the shit i invented and then adding features or cutting timelines. i'm also tired of CEO's knowing shit of products but going all strategy on the market. you don't need a strategy if you don't know what you're making. and then the latest line is (for equipment): also check China. LOL yeah, they are good. and cheap. but the amount of headache is still not worth it.
Boss: "Well, you've hit 143% of quota for the year, first round's on me" Shaka: "Damn straight! Bartender, make it a double Apple-Tini, i'm going paleo this month!" Boss: "So, now that work's out of the way, how's things?" <end work b.s.>
Classic! One I've always wanted to do was fire up a chainsaw while not on mute during a conference call and play the rift from the Jackyl song The Lumberjack to see how people would react.
That made me think of the Friends episode when Chandler said he wasn't very happy with the WENUS. (Weekly Estimated Net Usage Systems)
