but I'm too pretty to go to jail.

So, I haul the trash bag out to the corner and head back in for a well deserved smoke when some creepy looking fat white guy rolls up to the corner in a shitted up pick up. He gets out and starts digging through the trash, ignores the metal someone had put out and starts opening the trash bags.

<me> "Hey man, what 'cha doing?"
<white guy> "None of your business!"
<me> "Okay, happy trash picking."
<White dude now pissed> "Hey, whatever I find in there I can keep. and I'll steal your credit info so f@ck off, nothing you can do about it once it's on the corner."
So, the red flash comes over me, I got my daughter's field hockey stick and started to head out to beat him to death when a moment of pure joy came over me. He's opening my trash bag.
So I wait and he has it open and starts digging through the shredded paper. . .
"Hey pushcart! Enjoy the cat shit!"

Yeap, just below the first layer of shredded paper is where I put the shitted up cat litter and a bunch of wet cigarette butts.

 

Lmao at the image of an irate Keebler waving a lacrosse stick.

 

So, does this guy make regular rounds?
Does he bother to pick up after eviscerating the bags?
I'm thinkin' a furtrap could be hilarious...at least a mousetrap. I mean, fuck this guy, right?

 

At least he doesn't know where you live...

 

Field Hockey stick and it has more carbon fiber and engineering in it than a HRC swing arm.

 

Nothing a bandana, a baseball bat, and some black clothes & gloves couldn't fix after tailing him home.

 

When I was a kid our dog had like explosive shits all over the area rug in the dining room. Dad just rolled it up and took it to the curb, barely 30 minutes later a call pulls up and grabs the rug, throws it in the trunk.

Would have loved to seen their faces when they enrolled it inside their house.

 

Just get the "OJ visits his exwife" halloween costume, in middle school girls size of course. Complete with wetsuit, tiny handed gloves and a white bronco.

 

Please tell me you wear rainbow striped knee socks and Birks when you're wielding the stick and bag of catshit.

In all seriousness, WTF is someone doing in your neighborhood digging through trash?

 

You should have beat that cocksucker just for the lip service.
Drop a cheap pocket knife,and claim he tried to attack you?
I'm just trying to help you piss on your turf..
That ass wipe WILL be back.Buy me some beer,and we can
curb stomp him before he attempts to pick up that knife

 

Dave K is not 7 feet tall and full of hate??

 

Oh hell yeah, my hockey sticks are a damn work of art. Cost about as much as an hrc swing arm too.

 

All that hassle because a homeless man, probably addicted to crack, ran his mouth?

 

Fixerated

 

Damn!

 

one time when i was in my late 20's, i dated this upstanding young lady who was a total freak and squirter of sorts. needless to say she had a suede couch that she/we completely ruined one weekend. when she sold her condo, she didn't want to take it with her, so she flipped the cushion over and gave it to one of her best friends, who was super excited to take it for HER new apartment. took all my energy to keep a straight face any time i'd see the chick. needless to say... that was super cold blooded and like the rest of her life/personality ended up being... a real piece of shit, but that's my contribution.

one of my OWN friends tried to sell me a pee couch one time, then played it off all aloof when i remembered that some drunk prostitot pee'd all over it at a house party once.

one man's trash and all that i guess...

 

My buddy offered me a small fridge one time, the type that would make a decent beer fridge if you weren't a lush.
Didn't take it when he told me that it came from his gynecologist father's office where he kept "samples" before sending to the lab.

 

Pussy.

 

Pics?