Most pathetic way to get injured?

I coughed a few weeks ago and pulled a muscle in my neck. Spent a weekend in a cervical collar over it. Still hurts at times and it’s been 5 weeks.

 

I was in a cast for a month after playing tennis in clogs.

Age 5 or so. Climbed into the bathroom sink for a drink of water. Split my chin open.
When they walked out of the hospital, my mother fainted in the parking lot. So we went back in.

 

And stough like this...

 

Junior High School. Big sister and I come home after school. Sister trims the crust off of two slices of bread to make a PB&J. I reach up to grab the slices. She pins my hand to the cutting board. Still got the scar top and bottom of the hand.
To beat it all, I got a whippin' for tryin' to take here bread!

 

Didn't listen to my Dad, and wore shorts while wet cutting colored concrete. And some people say there's no such thing as concrete poisoning...

 

Bent over and twisted to reach for the trunk latch on the explorer. Felt a twitch and excruciating pain in lower back. I got in the car and an hour later when I got Home had to roll out of the drivers seat. I was out for a week.

You know how you know you're getting old? You can sleep wrong and wake up fucked up.

 

This isn't really pathetic as much as a freak thing, twice.

I was 7-8ish playing football with a bunch of cousins, got elbowed right square in my left eye, hard. Hurt some but no big deal. Later I'm dizzy, seeing double, throwing up. Next day's the same so we go to the hospital, regular doc has no idea so they call in a eye specialist. He figures out the bone under the eye was fractured and was pinching a nerve. Had to have surgery, they put some kind of a splice over the break, it's still in there.
Two or 3 years later, baseball practice at school. Coach is hitting balls out to field, hits one into the outfield. Of coarse kids at that age can't throw all the way in from out there. So the kid that caught it throws it in, it's going to hit me. Someone yells " lookout " so I turned around to see who should be looking out. Smack, right dead center in my right eye. Almost instantly seeing double, dizzy. Knew right then it was the same thing. It was, same doc and everything.

 

That ain't you .. they did not have color pictures when you were a kid

 

I was feeling pretty good about myself after squatting 465 lbs until I racked it and it rolled over my pinky finger. Squirted all of the guts out of the end of it. That shortened my workout for the day.

A year later I was changing a tire on my track bike using spoons on the ground and one slipped. Flipped the same finger backwards at the last joint. That was pleasant.

Those are the minor ones.

 

Sprue and runner. Yes.
Hope you got over sniffing glue.

 

So we’re hosting a Super Bowl 50 viewing party. Been knocking back barley pops for 3 hrs., and it’s halftime - time for some scrimmage work outside. My 11y.o. boy and his buddies take the lower field by the chicken coop, while my best bud and his 13y.o. son run 1-on-1 one pass drills on the main lawn.

I tire of playing safety vs. the teen, and in my creaky, impaired 51 y.o. wisdom, request a shot at running routes against the youngster.
First play, the plan is 4 step flare/fake to the right, then break to a slant left post and buddy drops a dime in my pocket for silverback touchdown glory.

I line up slot right…HUT!...“TT” bites on the outside fake…I plant my right foot, turn for the break…and RRRIP!!! the shit out of my left hamstring. It felt like a 2ft strip of the burliest industrial-strength Velcro imaginable. Just about most awful, searing pain I’ve ever experienced. Barely made it into the house, only to face major abuse from the men, and scorn from the women (“You’re too old for that shit, serves you right, blah blah blah…”). Sat on an ice pack for the rest of the party. Major buzzkill.

Turned out to be two separate, Grade 3 tears: 1 at the top, just below my hip, and a second one closer to the knee. Took forever to heal/rehab, and the discomfort still lingers, I suspect for the rest of my days.

 

2004 I just picked up a CRF50 as a pit bike and was goofing around on it in front of the house doing little wheelies. Well, I ended up coming down a little sideways so I stuck my foot out so I wouldn't crash. Foot hooked, leg tucked under and snap went my ACL! This was in front of a bunch of my neighbors and I shook it off (was in tons of pain) and rode the bike back into the garage where I stayed until I could muster up enough power to get myself into the house. Was at the doctor the next morning to get my knee drained....which might have been more painful than tearing the ACL.

PSA....little bikes are the devil!

 

That makes you sound whiter than Carlton.

 

I was 7 or 8, man.

 

But you weren't white at the time. Were you trying to start a new trend?

 

Talk about outing yourself!

 

A pebble would lock the damned wheels. Somewhere in the family photo stash is a picture of my brother with a pillow belted to his a$$ when he was learning to skate on those damn things. 2 weeks later we were pulling each other around the neighborhood as fast as we could behind our bicycles. Much blood and tears were shed, but they were far outnumbered by the laughs.

 

I think it is called flash.