did i make the right move breaking up with this broad?

It is normal to be jealous after being with somebody so long..but move on..when you replace with something of equal or greater value you will no longer be bothered with the jealousy ...I suggest greater value next time
good luck and happy new year

 

No it's not. Once the decision is made the relationship is over, focus is on learning from it, understanding what you want, and getting that. Jealousy is just a sure sign for low self esteem.

 

You made the correct choice in leaving.

Learn from your mistake of STICKING AROUND FOR 2 YEARS!

 

No.

Yes.

Right now, you are the emotional equivalent of a new rider asking if he can/should get a Hyabusa (or, in this new enlightened age, an H2R) for a first bike because they are more mature than average and they have owned/driven high performance cars before and they rode their best friend's 1962 Vincent Black Shadow one time around the block and didn't die. You're asking the same question time and again because you feel like you really want to get back with this girl and you're hoping that at least one thing will convince somebody to say that maybe you could make it work and justify you going back.

Here is the low down.

This is bad. Do you really want to put your children in the care of someone clinically diagnosed with a mental problem who refuses to take the medication and the steps necessary to manage it?

This is worse. The "not someone who drinks every night" is an unnecessary qualifier/modifier. Having a hard time controlling her drinking is bad. Coming from an environment where both nature and nurture indicate that she is prone to abusing alcohol and not taking the necessary steps to manage that problem is bad, and a strong indicator that it will get worse. And to top it off, how does the alcohol interact with her medication when/if she does take it? Could she be not taking the medication to enable the drinking?

Do you really want to leave your children in the care of someone who cannot control their drinking?

This would be the worst. Someone with a known alcohol problem, who knowingly gets violent at times when under the influence is a very bad thing waiting to happen.

You need to answer these questions honestly for yourself:

Do you really want to leave your children in the care of someone who has a medically diagnosed problem, consciously refuses to seek help or take the prescribed treatment for it, and who consciously abuses alcohol knowing that it makes them physically violent?

Do you really want your children to observe, assimilate and ultimately imitate the behavior of a physically violent alcoholic with diagnosed clinical depression who refuses psychiatric and therapeutic treatment?

It's actually great that you can recognize the possible influences in your own behavior from negative events and persons in your past. If you are having this much trouble breaking free, you really should follow the advice given above and find someone to talk to. You owe it to yourself and your kids to be the healthiest person you can be emotionally, so that you can enjoy a healthy relationship and provide them with the benefits and the model of one.

 

Sorry I could not make it to the end of this thread before responding.

I have dated my share of crazies, and even nice girls who I just couldn't see marrying. Yes they were hot.

The woman you are describing is an addict. Period. This is typical addict behavior. I spent two years with a woman trying to get her to treatment. These kinds of situations can really suck you in. As a man you are programmed to help women, provide and protect them. Even when you know better logically. Trust me when I say this behavior of hers will not get better without massive treatment. Even then, you are facing a long life of battles- addicts have issues that led to the addiction and you have to be prepared to deal with those. In my case, I cut ties and walked. Hard decision but the best one of my life. Even if she got better I wasn't really in love with her. Adios. Wish I could have gotten out as quick as that but I finally got it done.

Now for the tough part- If you had a shrink, that shrink (If they were worth a shit) would probably tell you that you are seeking out these nutty chicks because that's what excites you on some level. In my job I see alot of guys who are stuck on crazy broads and most of the time they are just as crazy themselves or they just thrive on the drama. In all those years only ONE of the guys said "I really love this shit, I would be bored with a "regular" girl." Your issues with your mom are a small clue, our parents are the model for our future relationships. You have to admit, if this girl went to rehab, gave up the alcohol, stopped fighting with you and her family, would you get bored with her?

If so that's ok, you just have to accept that this is your normal and you are a dramatic guy who needs that kind of "action".

Don't expect these crazy chicks to get "fixed". They will never get better. Fighting is THEIR NORMAL. If it's not yours....adios.

I'm not a psych major, and certainly not an expert. Your fears about all women being this way and sex only being good with the crazy ones is a BS excuse to date dramatic bitches. There are millions of women on this planet and trust me, there is one for you, that likes what you like and is good in bed, hot, etc. It took me 40 years and 30 girlfriends to find the one but damn am I glad I waited. You CAN have it all, you just have to be PATIENT. How many guys do you know that were telling stories like yours and ended up marrying the girl and then say marriage sucks, women suck, etc. No, you just married the wrong girl. Most guys would walk away from a used dirt bike for some minor reason, yet will make the biggest decision of their life by marrying some girl with a million red flags because they think this is the best it can be. COME ON, MAN!

Just my .02. Good luck man!

 

I fixed it for you.

 

I honestly believe that people throw this term around WAAAYYYY too loosely. They build up this vision of a person in their head whilst simultaneously acting willfully blind to all the deleterious effects being associated with them is causing.

In all honesty I don't think I even know what a "soulmate" is anymore, but if I were to put a label on it I would have to think is a person who significantly enhances all aspects of your life making you a better person with them than you are without them, and simultaneously not bringing any obvious negatives to the table (i.e. crazy, depressed, debt/financial problems, drug/alcohol abuse, etc etc)


Suffice it to say I've never met a women like this on planet Earth

 

This is my close friend's sister-in-law.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/04/amelia-west-toilet-cleaner_n_6101278.html

She did this to her OWN kids, so I don't think you made a bad decision at all. Failure to acknowledge/seek help for a mental illness is a huge red flag.

 

:FL:

 

Is it bad if I thought the same thing when my friend told me what happened?

 

Cue, "you guys don't know her like I know her" and "She's really sweet.......when she's not crazy". The latter one happening once a month or so.

Had this conversation with too many friends, it's like trying to talk a newb out of a liter bike though.

 

I understand.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Münchausen_syndrome_by_proxy

"One study showed that in 93 percent of cases of MSbP, the abuser is the mother or another female guardian or caregiver.[9] The female preponderance of the perpetrator may be attributed to socialization patterns that encourage females to seek the sympathy and assistance of others"


......and they say WOMEN are the more caring/nurturing/fairer sex :up:

 

you cant tell me that if you spend any length of time with someone that you really cared about/love that you arent going to have any feeling at all anymore because its over...takes time to heal

 

This ^^^^^

Makes it hard to walk away, too....even when you know you need to, for whatever reason. Part of being human. Nostalgia is a powerful force also.....but it's really just more of looking at the past through rose colored lenses.

 

These questions are never good to answer. If you say she's crazy and you're better off without her and the person asking gets back together with him/ her, the person asking will hate you forever. If you say you should get back with him/ her and shit happens, the person asking will hate you.

My honest opinion? Crazy chicks are great to date. for awhile. Until the crazy consumes you and you end up sitting in jail/ in the hospital/ on a slab in the morgue while she's out f@cking her yoga instructor.

 

Don't quote out of context, other feelings - sure, jealousy - no. This is crazy talk, you walk away from a relationship because you decided it's not the best for you and now you're jealous the other person is doing their own thing? What did you expect?

 

I hadn't checked this thread in a while. But thank you for your amazing responses. after some thinking you are all right. I know I have codependency issues that make me seek relationships like this. I need to work on myself and stop trying to fix others. I work too hard, and am too bright and too good of a man to spend my life dealing with this. I want my kids to grow up in a good house, with a supportive mother (that I didn't have) and be happy and fulfilled. I have gotten a bunch of books and will start seeing someone once I figure out my insurance situation to specifically work on this issue.

 

Congrats on choosing what is best for you!

 

OK, just between us: she got a restraining order, didn't she?