I almost got my ass beat by a flatbiller today

About an hour ago, I was in My truck at a redlight waiting to take a left. Across the street, and to My left, was a convenience store that I was going to whip a right in to get some gas. Walking down the sidewalk on the same side of the street that I was going, was a flatbiller with His cellphone jammed up to His ear. This sumbitch was a 'classic' flatbiller. He had on the baggy assed jeans, the 'Air Jordans', the hoody, and of course, His stupid assed, big ass, baseball cap with the flatbill jutting out from the hoody. I clenched the wheel of My truck all white knuckled and muttered a few expletives while watching His dumbass strut all 'gangsta style' down the street.

Pff.

As soon as My light turned green, I crept out real slow and quiet like and eased over to the right side of the road to where the front right corner of My truck was about eight feet from Him. The dumbass was TOTALLY unaware that I was right behind Him (He was probably in a heated debate with His 'baby Mama'). I waited about one more second and....

HONKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!

....I laid on the horn with all My might. THAT SUMBITCH CAME UNGLUED! The first thing that happened was, He chucked His cellphone like 4000 feet. He also went into a 'running in place scared as fuck move' with His fists all clenched up to His neck like them Women do in those slasher/horror movies. He also screamed like a thirteen year old girl.
I fucking sat there stunned. I couldn't believe His reaction. After a couple of seconds He finally got over His fright and starting yelling "MOTHER FUCKER WHAT THE FUCK" while getting all 'gang symboly' and shit. I figured as jacked up on adrenaline as that fucker was, I'd better get the eff out of there so's I didn't get My ass whipped.
I drove down the road a mile or so, and pulled into a neighborhood where I parked My truck in front of some random house, and.....and......


lost.....My......shit.



I so rock.




The end.

 

Say what?

 

Pedestrians have the Right of Way.

 

I lol.... a bit.

 

I just expect them to make some attempt to hurry across when an automobile is waiting to turn in, as to not take a chance and getting rammed from behind (non-sexual) from someone behind. Especially in city traffic.

 

Speaking of the horn bit.... I've gotten back into running, and nearly everytime I'm out for a run, I have someone (usually young-ins) honk there horn right when they get by me. I've become so used to expecting it, that it doesn't bother me anymore.

Now, if someone comes by with an air horn...... !

 

Shouldn't the thread title be.... "I almost got my azz whooped by a flatbiller today!"

 

Bust a U-turn then hook a R into the 'station.




Damn, I'm talking like one now

 

In a perfect world. A good 99% of the population is in a self centered daze 100% of the time

 

My wife and daughter came to read this over my shoulder because I was laughing so hard.

 

You do what you gotta do when there isn't a drainage ditch in sight.

 

Whoever did it, I wasn't there.

 

THANKS ALOT ASSHEAD!

 

I clicked this just to find out what a flatbiller was.

 

Just look around the paddock... You'll see some...

 

LOL at "chucked his cell phone 4000 feet".

That was mean. Funny, but mean.

 

Could you tell if he was also "ear-tucked" under the flat bill?