Do all turtles bite?

They do have another defense mechanism, too, wherein they release a large amount of ... water? ...Piss? when you're just trying to carry them out of the middle of the damn road and over to the pond so they don't get smushed by a car.

Damn ingrates.

 

Fuckinhell, so I can't play with any of them?

 

That's exactly what led me to asking this question.

I saw one in the middle of the road and I was scared he'd get hit. So I stopped in the road, put my flashers on, and carried him to the other side. But I just grabbed him by the shell, with his head pointing away from me, because I didn't know if it was one I could play with or not.

 

You can, but stay away from the business end. They also can carry contaminants that are not beneficial to humans.

 

We used to play with painted turtles and whatever else lived in our ponds growing up. I’d find them in the banks and put them in the aquarium(extra cattle troughs). I’d watch them swim around, I’d paint their shells so I could identify them one I put them back in the pond. On hot days they’d surface and then I’d see their shells all painted.

I don’t recall them ever biting.

 

Yep... I always put a dog poop bag on each hand before I pick them up, then hold them at arms length while I carry them to safety.

 

How the hell do you play with a turtle?

I imagine they would really suck at the game of fetch.

 

Frisbee, turtles love frisbee.

 

Best bet is grab them by the tail and pick them up that way with the lower/bottom side of the shell facing you. Their heads (normally) can stretch back to nearly the middle of the dome on top of their shell but not as far underneath...and yes, they will piss.

With all the river floods around my area they are very common to have to be relocated before them become speed bumps. Blackhawk Farms Raceway also had a family of them between turns 1 and 3 that turned a track day session into some Mario Kart looking shit a few years back...

Another fun fact: turtles allegedly have 7 different kinds of meat. Roasted properly they are delicious!

 

What do you mean "play?" You can play with a rock, it's about as active and it will not bite you.

 

Snappers are the ones with the big pyramid bumps on the shell. They will take a finger off in a heart beat. I won't f*ck with them...EVER. Get them to bite a heavy stick and watch the damage they can do...impressive.

 

When I was a kid, we ended up catching/trapping a huge snapping turtle. We had no idea how much of a monster the thing was. An older gentlemen from across the road came over and proceeded to put a 2" x 4" in front of its face. It damn near snapped it in half. He was nice enough to take it and release it for us.

I've been a bit more careful around turtles ever since.

 

Yeah but rocks aren't funny to me; turtles are funny to me. They are all slow and shit, but just don't give a damn. I would like to get 2 of them and make them race.

 

And then hop one up for more performance?

 

Tell that to that piece of obsidian I had when I was a kid .

15 stitches.

 

"Mongo, do you have a class to race turtles in, and if not, why not?"

 

You'de have more fun with 2 cats on Roombas.

 

Find the ones with the long tails. If you pet their head their tale starts spinning in a hilarious manner. They love it. You are welcome.