I've reached a new low

It was a first, usually I can smile and b.s. myself out of most situations. She was about 65 and didn't find my charm or jokes funny. Today I lost but the maid left me a note under my door and we are having dinner tonight. When one door closes another is open

 

Pictures of the maid or I’m calling B.S.

 

She's Phillipina, I barely remember talking to her but guess I made an impression, not every day that a maid slips a note under your door

 

Catch chlamydia

 

Maybe they've had one too many drunks puke.

 

haters can hate, had a great night

 

God I hate you !! Drunken travels..kicked off planes..strange maid poon@@!!
Your living my dream!
Poke on my brother!

 

Didja eva piss yawshelf on a plane?

 

Shit, I got nothing. I'll just shake my head at you plane boozers.

 

not proud of this but I've used an airsick bag before leaving the ground

 

I doubt they were trying to save you. Look at it another way, who wants to fly with a drunk, puking everywhere, wanting to argue, etc.

 

Cliff notes - sorry for the length, and there’s a lot better details in the full story:

Thanksgiving after 9/11, parents had moved to Chicago a year earlier. Was out there with the family (was maybe 22 at the time). We’re visiting my mom’s cousin and instead of leaving my parents get me a car service to O’hare (flying into PHL).

Instead of a standard car, up shows a stretch limo with a full bar. I proceed to get HAMMERED on the two hour drive to the airport.

I remember that I was running late and decided to go into the airport bar for a quick shot of tequila and said something to a pretty girl at the bar that I can’t recall but in hindsight made the situation quite awkward.

Waiting in line to board, Donovan Mcnabb and his bodyguard were behind me, so obviously I made a huge deal of insisting that he go ahead of me (he’s a fucking dick, btw - different story).

Get on the plane and immediately order two Jacks and open a book to read (Pretty sure I stared at the same page of the book for the duration of the flight).

Had either 6 or 8 Jacks and then with about 20 minutes remaining decided I NEEDED a cigarette (I quit five years ago, FWIW). Go into the bathroom (Thanksgiving after 9/11, mind you), light it, take two drags and then have a moment of clarity of what a moronic decision that is.

Go back to my seat and instantly the flight attendants are all over my shit insisting I confess, etc. I reply with various forms of “go fuck yourself” and think that all is fine as they eventually stopped harassing me.

We descent, land, and then the pilot comes over the speakers and says “ladies and gentlemen, we’re going to ask that you remain in your seats for an extra minute when we pull up to the gate - we just need to take care of something really quickly.”

Taxi up and then the flight attendants lead two Philly cops to my seat and they handcuff me and walk me off of the plane, but leave me standing where like wheelchairs and baby strollers are so the entire plane walks by me as they leave. Of course I’m an asshole and drunk so I’m laughing and winking, etc.

Cops take me to the airport jail which is a plexiglass holding cell and take my belt and shoes away. That’s when I fucking lost it and started berating those clowns for thinking that I was going to kill myself over something like that. After a solid 1-2 hours of me constantly berating them they said “fuck it” and just let me go.

Got home to a quite angry girlfriend who was waiting for me at the gate.

 

I don't puke and don't argue, I'm a pretty positive when drinking, usually just interesting conversations but after 3 months living in a tent in Alaska I might have drank a bit to much to celebrate not working

 

And they would have known that based upon....

 

His sitting there in his seat smiling, joking and being a happily buzzed dope?

 

that pretty much sums it up

 

Most of the nasty drunks I have know where happy, until they weren't.

 

There is more than a little truth to that.

 

I'm 38 and have never been in a fight, I do understand your point though, alcohol usually doesn't make most situations better

 

The only think alcohol cures, other than the odd infection, is sobriety.