Most pathetic way to get injured?

between age 8-10, i climbed a tree. well, it was going to be a tree one day. wehn i climbed it it was maybe 15 ft high, had 6 branches on the top and maybe 2' diameter at the very bottom. made it halfway up, or probably even a bit further, tree bent back, snapped, i landed on my head and passed out. woke up, took the tree , dragged it home and told my mom i chopped the tree by the playground.

 

At the track; I fucked my shoulder and tore some stuff after tucking the front on the scooter.

In life; I tried skipping monkey bars in pre-k and slipped on the morning dew. Fell straight on my ass, broke both collar bones.

 

I see a pattern here.

 

Showing off for my sisters hot friend one time when I was about 8/9 I attempted a no hander flyby on my bike, only to go down hard and split my chin wide open. Not having a drivers license let alone a car to get me to the hospital, there was nothing my mother could do but scrub the gravel out and wait for my old man to get home from work. Back then, Dad was a grumpy, scary guy, especially after work. So we waited. He gets home about an hour later, to be greeted not with a cold beer and hot supper, but a bleeding kid in need of stitches. In the car we go, off to the hospital, get stitched up, and head home.

Leading into our house was a landing then 3 steps up into the kitchen. Well, I jump out of the car, run into the house and up the stairs, Only I missed the stairs and came down hard on the reveal strip between the carpet stairs and linoleum kitchen floor with my freshly stitched chin. Dad was only about 3 or 4 steps away from the car when I came barrelling back out of the house covered in blood and tears again lol. Back in the car, back to the hospital, same doctor, same everything. Not much left of it to stitch back together nicely so they just made the dogs breakfast of it. My Dad probably told them to make it look ugly lol.

There are many more stories like that. I played baseball with the son of the head emerg nurse so there was rarely a wait when she saw my name on the list. Which was frequently lol.

The good new is both my kids are dough heads just like me. So now my Dad just laughs about it all. Already had an emerg trip for the boy (5) when he tried, and succeeded (like a champ lol) to smash a plate with his face. Nice scar next to his eye. Probably going to be many more for my daughter though. That girl just doesn't respect gravity.

 

Solid story overall, but this line had me

 

Damn... this reminded me of my own tree story. 7 or 8 years old, we had a scraggly apple tree in the back yard. One day my friend and I get the bright idea of taking the drivers out of my dads golf bag to knock apples out of it. I'm sure y'all see this coming...he wacked me right in the head and split it open. I still have a scar 50 years later.

 

I can roll my ankle just standing still. Flips flops also get me.

 

When I was about 7-8, my sister/I got some walkie talkies, so we had to test them out. Neighbor/I were running around the house talking to my sister inside. Climbed over a 6’ fence between the house/garage. As I created the top, the crotch of my pants got caught on the top on the chain links. There I was, hanging by the crotch of my pants. My neighbor calls my sister on the talkie and she climbs up to free me. She freed me, but I wasn’t prepared, so down I went, dragging my hand on the chain link the whole way down, tearing it open. Almost lost my pinky. When they cleaned it all out, it was just bone. Still hangs at a slightly unnatural angle.

 

This thread reminds me of the “ but I shook it off thread” a couple years ago.

 

i had a scale model car, i think it was 1:87 or something and had the bright idea to make a convertible out of it. i also had a swiss knife. the one where it has a smaller, extra sharp blade on the side, next to the regular, already really sharp blade.

held the car in the left hand, snipped the top off and kept driving the blade into my left thumb, from the nail up an inch, nice clean cut all the way to the bone. lots of blood but a band-aid held it together for the next few weeks. still have that scar.

 

first bicycle, at the end of its life, got pretty good at moving around and even braver. one day i decided that it should be possible to run over a 5" curb at full speed. bike had 12" wheels. bent the wheel, flipped the bike and myself and landed on my forehead, capturing a piece of gravel between my eyebrows... dad got it out with a hot needle a few days later since they were wondering what that dark spot was under the massive bump. still have that scar.

 

went to ride the dirtbike a few weeks ago. decided to change the 12 year old tires on it. tore my left shoulder spooning those rock solid rings of rubber off... didn't get hurt on the dirtbike.

 

First stitches I ever had to get was at around 32 years old. I almost cut my pinkie off using some scissors to remove a zip tie off a new lamp.

 

Just last week I leaned over the back of the couch to pick up something that had fell and fractured a rib. Evidently the doc said I just have just put pressure on the right spot when my ribcage touched the couch and and that was all it took.

 

Thinking back maybe me being too high off the ground is a bad idea. I have a nice scar on my chin from where my bottom teeth went through after a failed attempt at a nice forward flip out of the hay loft onto a pile of hay. Would have been great but I rotated a bit much and slammed my face right into the dirt.

 

Friend's dad owned an upholstery shop, we used to get the old cushions, stack them up and jump on them. When I was 7 or 8 I would stack them up then jump off the roof onto the cushions like a stunt man. One day as I jumped off forward and rotated backwards to land on my back I completely missed the stack of cushions. Didn't really get hurt as landed flat on the grass, but it certainly knocked the wind out of me. A couple years later a friend and I were throwing darts to each other in the park. No lawn darts, real darts from the dart board. Well I threw one a bit too close, yelled for him to look out, he looks up and it goes through his lip and chips a tooth.

 

These are all good ones, but it's nothing compared to the stuff my wife has seen in the ER, often on a weekly basis. Sundays and Mondays are the worst, (especially on a full moon.) Some of the shit is downright heroic, though. Like jumping from roof to roof after a couple of 6 packs.

And what is up with the stuff guys put on their junk? Key rings, zip ties, all kinds of stuff. The best was the oversized grade 8 nut- that one required amputation if I remember correctly.

 

We call it dog tracking because a lot of dogs do that shit.

 

Riding my bicycle at about ten years old. I have these little plastic balls on my spokes that go bling-bling when the wheels turn. One of the little balls gets stuck and it annoys me, so I try to free it while still riding the bike. Result : my hand gets caught in the spinning wheel and over the bars I go. Got a pretty swollen hand and some road rash after that one. lol

 

Ha! That reminded me - when I was a kid I used to build plastic model warships and aircraft (Revell was my favorite brand). The plastic cement was toxic as hell, and intoxicating - it was the stuff that spawned the habit of “sniffing glue.” The paint was also toxic - it was called “dope,” for good reason. The dope came in little glass bottles with metal screw tops, and the dope would dry and weld the screw top to the bottle. If you tried to unscrew the top, the bottle would usually shatter in your hand.

The plastic parts were injection molded, and always had extra bits of plastic that had to be trimmed off. I forget what it’s called. Must be the glue. Sprue?

Anyway, I got so high from the glue and the dope that I always managed to slice my fingers to the bone with the razor blades I used to trim the sprue? from the pieces. Then I would spend the evening picking glass shards out of the cuts.

Good Times.