Most pathetic way to get injured?

I think I've seperated my shoulder by sleeping on it wrong.... I've seperated the same shoulder years ago and it feels about the same as I remember. I'm hoping I just really aggravated it but I'm going on day 4 of it hurting pretty bad.

Sadly I don't think this is the most pathetic way I've ever been injured. In grade school I was goofing off in my room and rolled off my bed and broke my collar bone. Ultra lame story... Not to mention broken collar bones don't come with cool casts that can be signed... Instead you get to wear a freaking figure 8 brace.

What's the best you got?

 

When I was in Kindergarten I was sitting on top of the Monkey Bars trying to look cool. The whole class was outside and when it was time to go in, I went to slide off and jump down.

Rather than welded all over, it had large nuts/bolts in it. When I went to slide off, one of them caught in the ass of my jeans and flipped me head first.

I (instinctively) reached my right arm out to catch myself and my hand awkwardly took the whole weight of my falling body.

End result was multiple compound fractures. It was nasty. Bones were sticking out in 3 different places.

The funny part was (my dad still jokes when telling this story today), because my little girlfriend was there, I would NOT cry. I acted tough, like it didn’t even hurt.

...then as soon as I got in the car I started screaming bloody murder.

 

I woke up one morning to find my left testicle in tremendous pain. Didn’t do anything major the day before, just went to sleep. Straight to the doc I went that morning as I’d experienced nothing like that in my life up to that point. From there, she sent me to the hospital for a sonogram and then it was straight to surgery for testicular torsion.

In less than four hours, three different women had willingly handled my balls, one of which shaved them for me, on a Tuesday no less - all while my wife was out of town. The bill was $24,000

 

This sounds like an ER/Champagne Room story...

 

At 5, I was running to Ted's, the corner market to get a pack of smokes for mom. It was a block away, so I was pushing this huge Tonka ambulance as fast as I could run. I got the smokes, and was headed back, but, in the meantime, our neighbor came home. They drove those huge ass Lincoln Mark VIII's, and they stuck out of the driveway, over the sidewalk. BAM! Head first into that big steel bumper. First time I was ever knocked out. I came to with blood running everywhere. 10 stitches. It was my birthday!

At 7, I threw a Superball straight to the ground. It rebounded straight into my right eye. Spent 10 days in the hospital saving my eye, and had to wear a patch for a month afterwards.

3 or 4 years ago, while my daughter and I were sleeping, she rolled over, and stuck her finger right...in...my...closed...eye! Scratched the shit out of my eyeball. I didn't know what happened. I sat straight up, and yelled God Damn at the top of my lungs. She never budged, I was at the optometrist and I missed work because of the continual tear and snot fountain.

 

Broken vertebrae on the out lap on cold tires for a mock race...

 

When I was 11, I punched another kid in the head for bullying a girl at the playground. Barely hurt him at all, but I broke two knuckles.

 

You’re a shitty pirate.

 

Sneezed while stepping on a curb and tore the muscle in my side.

Walked like a crab for a week.

 

My finger blew up and looked like a fat pickle after I injected water into with my pressure washer while changing nozzles. Shot point blank into the pad on the end of my left index. It was the oddest damn thing. It took me a few seconds to realize my finger was so huge because it was full of water. Now I hold the hold the wand with my hand off the damn trigger when I change nozzles lol. Pretty dumb.

 

It's a good thing you didn't have a Red Ryder as a kid

 

16 year old All-Stars (Baseball), State Tournament, tried to score from 1st on a ball hit to the outfield and was called out at home plate.

Got super pissed off, punched home plate, shattered 2 knuckles, spent the rest of the Tournament on the bench wearing a cast.

 

First night with my then new girlfriend. Awkward positioning led to my right hip popping out of socket mid stroke...

 

Winner ... so far !

 

She flipped you over and finished, and she's now your wife, right? RIGHT?

 

7th grade - I was in summer school and rode my bike to the highschool - there was an asshole boy that I liked so I tried to act cool. Ended up riding my bike into an empty iron tree grate and impaling my knee on it.

Few months ago during extrication training at the fire department - I was trying to get a purchase point to pop the door open on a car so I was pounding a halligan with the flat side of an ax near the door hinge. My index finger slipped down over the flat part of the ax and I smashed it. Didn't feel it because it was so cold and only noticed it when I felt the warm blood trickling down the inside of my glove. I lost the fingernail and needed to be glued together in multiple places. Fingernail still hasn't grown back all the way. The most embarrassing part about all of it was the girl hurt herself. 9 damned years on that department and I still get worried about my performance.

 

All yall fuckers joking about, "I'd give my left nut to....."

Well, it just so happens...

Summer of 1985, I was working with my buddy doing landscaping. It was in probably the only yard in Midland Texas to have anything that could be called a 'hill'. We'd loaded a wheelbarrow at the top of said hill, and my bud went to push it down the hill... a little too quickly.

As he went down the hill, the momentum kept building, and the faster he went, since those things are kinda awkward to stop once they get to rolling down a hill.

He's a rather tall dude, and the faster he went, the higher he lifted the wheelbarrow handles to help keep his balance.

He almost made it.

But a dozen or so feet from where the hill gave way to level ground, the front of the wheelbarrow caught in a dip and came to an abrupt stop.

This caused the back of the wheelbarrow to begin to rotate over the front.

Meanwhile, my buddy is still moving full speed ahead.

The back left stand on the wheelbarrow had a few bolts sticking through it, holding the various pieces-parts together, and one of them sliced right through homie's light blue corduroy Op shorts and straight on through the left side of his scrotum, taking said scrotum's left resident out with it as it exited the scrotum. The light blue corduroy Op shorts rapidly became crimson red, and many creative cursewords were screamed.

The amberlamps came, hauled my buddy to the hospital, where all parts of him but one made a full recovery.

From that day forward he was known as 'Uni'.

 

Was rolling 16 and 20 foot big oak logs onto a pile at the saw mill. The last log was in place and I was done...or so I thought. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the top log start to roll off the stack so I reached out to catch it. A ton of oak can smash the tip of a finger as flat as a 50 cent piece. It didn't even hurt....for about 4 seconds!

 

As most of you know, we got some odd critters in Florida. Few years ago I was bumbling around the backyard and saw this cool looking giant caterpillar crawling on this bush. He was green, huge and all bad ass looking. Of course I say let me get a closer look so I grab him. He crawls around my hand for a minute or two and just when I'm about to put the f'er back he rears up and stings the hell out of my index finger. Hurt like hell and swelled up 5 times the size. Needless to say, he didn't make it to butterfly stage......

 

Should got messed up as I was stapling(swing stapler) Ice and Water barrier to the roof of the box blind I built my dad for deer hunting. A couple weeks later, I was using a machete to clear brush fromm in front of said box blind and fucked up the other shoulder while doing so. Yup, 2 screwed up shoulders for a box blind from my dad to nap in. # years now, and my shoulders are finally approaching normal.

I did learn one thing though. You can get hurt if you lazily swing objects around instead of fully engaging.