We have an old 'Dairy Queen-like' shop in town called Alan's Dairy Treats. Their sign reads, "If we don't have it, You don't need it."
"Pete's parts, we don't got it, you don't need it." That's in a radio commercial around here. Guy calls for a blower for a 67 chevy and they ask him what color!
There's a billboard on the way to Louisville on 65 for a tattoo shop that says "Tattoos while you wait."
Huge salvage yard north of Ogden called Smith & Edwards... "We've got everything, if we can find it." With a 60 acre yard, I imagine that's accurate. They have a store front where they sell tack too...
When I was in high school I worked at a hardware store in Charlotte that specialized in cabinet hardware/door knobs/brass work. We were told that we could change the sign on the front 'within reason' It usually said 'chances are we have it'.... the owner didn't appreciate when 'we have knockers to fit your needs' was put up one morning It only lasted about 4 hours.
A friend was in a Home Depot one day when he heard an employee do a Butthead imitation over the PA: "Heh heh heh heh heh..........Welcome to Home Depot..........heh heh heh heh heh..........We got wood..........heh heh heh heh heh"