I wasn't going to say anything in this thread, but I couldn't agree with Sean more. His obligations (the house, child support, etc.) are court ordered. The last time I checked (which is almost every f'ing day in my practice), parties are not allowed to unilaterally modify court orders. If a party wants relief from a court order, they are required to file for a modification. Further, at least in my state, it is axiomatic that a party cannot modify an award of marital property. Without knowing what her dissolution order says vis-a-vis this (the mortgage interest) issue, or the law of the state, I cannot say for sure. That said, it sounds like the arrangement was part of the award of marital property. If he has the personal wealth to pay, but just doesn't want to, it's likely he understands he would lose if he filed a motion to modify. Even if both parties make an agreement (say, to reduce child support or alimony) they are required to bring it to the court for approval (so that the court can ensure, inter alia, that the agreement is in the best interest of the child/ren or that one party wasn't unduly coerced). In fact, in my state, even if the parties have been operating under an informal agreement for years, which did not receive court approval, a party can still file and win on a motion for contempt based on the payor spouse not paying the full court ordered amount. Her ex sounds like a real narcissistic gem. We handle very high wealth divorces (think north of a billion, yes with a "B"), and see this shit day in and day out. In my state, financial coercion in this form (i.e., "I'll bankrupt you if bla, bla, bla....") is recognized as a form of spousal (here, ex-spousal) abuse. I respectfully suggest her ex is not going to stop until he gets slapped (and, in my view, hopefully slapped hard). Also, my state's contempt statute also allows the court to award attorney's fees to the prevailing spouse. She needs to ask what her state statutes provide. I've been in cases similar to what you've described, on both sides unfortunately, where the court has awarded all the attorney's fees. This is in no way meant to be, nor should it be considered, legal advice, nor is this any attempt to comment on the laws, or practice law, in her jurisdiction. When I say "in my state," that shouldn't be interpreted to mean "in her state." I use it as an example to let you know that there may be options out there that you two are not aware. Whether she does anything or not, she needs to speak with an attorney licensed to practice in her state (assuming that is where the divorce entered) to make an informed and smart decision. As Sean said, have her consult with a good family law attorney ... contrary to the beeb's assertion, they are out there. Ask about filing a motions for contempt re the mortgage interest issue, and re his failure to pay the full child support amount (assuming you didn't neglect to tell us the court already modify it). Judges love when a spouse has the money to pay, thinks s/he's can simply disregard a court order because, well, "who is the court to tell me what to do or not do," and unilaterally decide not to pay ... especially when it comes to child support and court orders regarding the distribution of the marital property. I wish you both the best of luck in whichever path you decide to take.
I'm a simple guy who tries to look at problems in their simplest forms to get to a simple answer. My question is what stops her from just moving on? If she marries you does the support stop and that's why you're still engaged? Not trying to be a dick with this question, it's a common stipulation with divorce settlements. Can she just sell it and move on, marry you, and buy a new house together? Sounds like she made plenty of money when she was supporting his development and the family. Did she stop working when he was the high earner, and because of that, got the settlement and support and now doesn't work anymore? Can she sell, the both of you work, and move on with a happy life without the added stress of this shit on your relationship and she just doesn't want to? Are you comfortable with the current arrangement? I know if there was a way for me and my woman to just sell and move on without having to deal with the "a-hole" ex, but she wouldn't do it out of spite for the ex...I'd move on and find someone who wants to live without that drama. I don't need it. Because if that is possible and she won't do it, then she's not over that dude and THEIR shit is something you'll have to deal with for as long as you two are together.
Jed addressed that on the prior page: It does sound like she made money back then. It also sounds like most if not all went into supporting the ex's development and building the family. And, just like a business relationship ending, the partners are entitled to their "fair share" of what they put into the business, both money and sweat-equity. The Court decided what was fair in this instance, and made orders. If you were in a business relationship that came to an end, and your business partner said, nope, I'm not going to pay you what we agreed upon ... would you just walk away (especially if you knew you were right, and could have your recalcitrant business partner pay your attorney's fees)? Plus, the court ordered the ex to pay child support for his kids. That's not for her, its for the kids. I'm sure the ex has some say in the kids lives (decisions re health, education, etc.), plus custody and/or visitation. Why shouldn't he pay what the court order? Should she just accept his b/s answer its because he just doesn't feel like it? What kind of mother, unless she's extremely wealthy, or has a sugar-daddy who she thinks is going to take care of her kids for her (I've seen this too, and it never ends well at all), doesn't fight for money, ordered by the court, and owed to her kids? Oh, and if the court determines there is an arrearage, (depending on the state's statutes) the money owed accrues interest at the statutory rate. I bet that would go a little ways to help with the girls tuition.
