Getting un-young

I had my first grey hairs in high school, and was salt and peppered in my 30s.

This past week hurt. First, I had to have an appointment with a proctologist.

Second, I had to buy these.......

 

How old are you?

 

Old enough to have a proctologist and reading glasses

But I was born in the year of our Lord nineteen hundred eighty-two.

 

If you’re getting fanny-fingered at 42, it’s because you want to.

 

Go to the dollar store and buy at least 10 pairs of reading glasses at one time. Repeat in a month because someone “stole” all the pairs you had and can’t find any.

Reading glasses are like 10mm sockets for old dudes.

 

Had my first colonoscopy over the summer and I'll be at the optometrist this week.

Aside from that, I couldn't hear anything you said.

 

When I hit 40-41 it was like a switch, woke up one morning and I couldn't see a thing close up.

I keep a pair in each of our vehicles, a pair next to the bed, a pair in my workshop and a pair in the living area of the house. Can't have too many of them.

 

One thing about getting old is the expanded list of cocktails you discover. My new favorite is called a Citrus Bubbler.

8 oz water
4 oz vodka
2 scoops Metamucil
Orange wedge to garnish

 

I'm 44 and thankfully haven't needed glasses yet, but I do notice early in the morning or late late at night my vision close up is rough.

 

It's only a matter of time...

 

Born same year. My eyes and hearing holding up fine, get prostrate exam every year cause the big Prostrate C runs in the family and I’m dealing with a really nasty stomache ache for a week now, which I think is stress related constipation.
Never been constipated before but the last month has been quite stressful at work and I haven’t been working out and I think I’m all bound up.
Drinking salt water today - gonna try to spend day on shitter.

 

I was 47 when I needed the glasses. Came on quickly. I would get eyes checked to give you proper prescription. Then order a bunch on Amazon. I have a set next to the bed, bathroom, my vehicles, garage, and office. Welcome to the club.

 

Thats the first warning sign that its coming! lol. My eyesight is great for everything except close up like phone, menus, computer.

 

I realized it was bad when my younger coworkers made fun of the font size on my text massaging.....I just thought everyone used the biggest font

 

Short arm disease

 

My daughter has that but only when it comes time to reach for her wallet when it’s time to pay for something.

 

Mine’s living at home for a few months, in between contracts, so the old Apple Pay is getting a workout.

 

Mine is just fuckin’ cheap.

 

The apple doesn't fall...

 

She can easily out cheap my brother. He was the cheapest of Ks. The king is dead, long live the queen.